December 12, 2010

In Memoriam of My Paw Paw

I feel really sad, I know I shouldn't, I'm blessed with so many things but I can't help it. Besides, as humans it's impossible to feel joyful all the time, unless you're constantly doped up, or a kid with absolutely no worries in the world.

My grandfather has Alzheimer's. It's such a debilitating disease that affects alot of people in different ways. My grandfather has reverted back to childhood. He whines, he can't take his meds, he can't bathe, he can't do anything without someone telling him to do it. He's also violent natured, if he doesn't want to do something he wants to physcally fight and fuss.

He was diagnosed a couple years ago and at first there weren't any major changes, but now, he's different every week. Every week he seems to be more dependent, every week he forgets how to do something, every week it's something new. God, how I miss my old Paw Paw. He's soooooo different...The old Paw Paw who gave me hard candy everyday seems so distant. He's here physically, but mentally he's packed up and gone away.

Alzheimer's has no cure, once it starts it keeps spiralling downhill. My great aunt, said that my great grandmother, and great uncles had it and once they started changing every week like my grandfather is, they died within a couple months. The thought of that is scary and so heartbreaking.

But now, my mama, aunt, and uncles have decided to put him in a nursing home. A NURSING HOME! My Paw Paw is going into a nursing home. His house IS my second home, and even though the house will still be there, my Paw Paw won't. I know he needs it, because he could hurt himself, and he's really not taking care of himself. My mama tries as hard as she could, but no one else is trying to help him or us out, not even her brothers and sister.

I can't even fathom the idea of seeing him in a nursing home. It hurts to even think about it.

December 4, 2010

Revised Life Plan

YES! I've changed my major, again. I started out with Biology, then Psychology and now finally I'm ending with English. I'm actually really happy. I've always been fond of English, it's my forte. I understand it, I can engulf myself in it. Alot of people think "Oh English? You want to teach?" Well, this is going to be my stepping stone to get where I actually want to be. My revised life plan came along with some careful, deep, and long thinking. I had so many conflicts within myself at first, until, I just decided to do it. Here's my new plan:

1. Obtain my BA in English
2. Become certified to teach in a couple months
3. Teach high school English
4. Obtain my Master's in Psychology while teaching (Most school systems have some sort of tuition reimbursement program that help to fund getting a Master's.)
5. Quit teaching a year after I get my Master's
6. Become a Psychologist

Not only will teaching get me where I want to be, but I'll also have two life experiences. Once most people get their degree, they stick to one kind of job for the rest of their life, and I think that can be boring. With this kind of plan I'll have variety in my life. I can help kids, then help other's with mental or life problems. Either way, I'm helping mankind, which is what I want to do.

Another reason why I do want to become a teacher is because I know I can be a different, better kind of teacher. In high school my English teachers weren't really passionate. They didn't make it interesting and colorful, nothing really! I don't want to be friends with students, I want to intrigue them, interest them in English, Literature and writing.

All in all, I hope my plan works out. I KNOW it will, I have faith.

November 20, 2010

Internet Bullying...

Before reading, view the image above (Click it), read the tweets that I woke up to this morning...And some people STILL believe that Internet bullying is not an issue? If I were conducting a study, this would be the PERFECT evidence. And Part Deux...

Honestly, if I were as light hearted and self-conscious as I was a couple years back, I'd be in tears and hating myself right now. Suicidal? Maybe not, but I used to care ALOT about what other people thought about me. Especially the opposite sex, as most teens (and even adults) do. When I read over all of this, I just kinda laughed, I mean I've heard more hurtful things in the past anyway (refer to older posts if necessary). But this SAME guy who's now calling me a "gorilla" told me just like a month ago how cute I was...AND keeps mentioning me, AND analyzes my picture so much that he notices that I don't have eyebrows now if I were so ugly, how could he stand to look at me so long? Hmm.

Teens and pre-teens face this kinda stuff all the time. Which is why a lot of teens are committing suicide. I remember reading about a girl who was 13 years old, and lived in Australia. She was teased so much at school, her only escape was the Internet...Mostly Myspace. Her bullies got a hold of her Myspace site and created a fake page. The fake page was supposed to be a boy. "He" talked to her, and flirted with her, for an insecure teen, that's MORE than a big deal. After a couple months, the girl found out the guy wasn't real. The bullies took all the messages they sent each other, and distributed them around the school. The next day, the teen was found dead, an apparent suicide.

This case occurred about 4-5 years ago, and you can imagine how much worse it's gotten. Innocent people, targeted for what? A joke? Popularity? Followers? This guy on Twitter, makes his name by talking about people, for no reason. I pray, that no emotionally weak teenager falls into his trap, because it could be tragic.

In New Jersey, Democrats are trying to pass a law to prevent bullying. If I were in New Jersey, I'd support the law wholeheartedly! Bullies need to be held accountable for their actions. Some of them have made people commit suicide, how low is that? Bullying could be almost like murder...It's mentally draining and painful. Not only do I know from experience but I've seen other kids bullied too.

I believe it starts from home, so parents should be held accountable too. Not to mention the media. All in all, bullying needs to STOP! I will advocate the campaign to stop bullying until something is really done about it.

November 14, 2010

Relationships 265

I'm always talking about relationships, I know.
If I were ever in a relationship, It would have to be uncommon, unique, and different from the average relationship. However, I know that's never going to happen unless by the grace of God, I meet someone who's a "relationship virgin" as I am.

Yes, I've never been in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend kind of thing) but I've had a few close calls. At first, I thought it was me. I am the scared one, I'm always the reluctant one and yes, that's true. I thought I was scared of getting hurt after seeing friends, family, and even strangers hurt by someone they gave their heart to and yes, that's true. All of those things are true, but what I'm really scared of is how "typical" modern relationships work.

Out of the few close call relationships I've had, I hated it. There was the stupid flirting, cat and mouse kind of stage in one. Which in my opinion is tiring and annoying. Then there was the text and message ALL the time in another. I like communicating but after a while that gets annoying too. Not to mention that I hate texting. Then there's the dating stage, you have to go out, and basically one person is trying to impress the other or both are trying to impress each other.

What do I want? I just want to talk on the phone and in person, get to know each other. No chasing, no flirting, no lies/trying to impress each other, just talk! I want to go out not on a "date" per se, but to have fun, relax and just to be in each other's company. That could be a stroll through a bookstore, frappuccino's at a coffee shop, or just like a drive through the city. Alot of relationships END because you didn't know the person at the BEGINNING. There's too much emphasis on impressing the other, and personally, I don't think that's the best way to go. It's like meeting someone at a club. They're generally in their best shoes, clothes, wearing the best hairstyle, accessories, etc. and people are attracted to one another not because they look as if they have a nice personality, but because they're eye candy. Right there, the relationship is superficial already. i'm not saying that's true for all cases, but it happens...Alot.

Anywho, what I don't want is a typical relationship (Meet. Text. Date. Sex. Talk. Love. In no specific order). I want to know him, his thoughts, his feelings, his style, his ideas, his life, and whatever he wants me to know. I don't want sex... Kissing, touching, and sweet little nothings are of more value. I don't want to be eye candy, something he can show off to his friends. I want to be able to wear jeans and a t-shirt around him. I just want to be ME around him from the beginning and I want him to be him around me from the start.

But with all the sex, temptation, and girls overly willing to seduce a man... Conversating, having alot of things in common, and being mentally/emotionally close isn't enough to hold together a relationship for the guys of today.


November 1, 2010

From the Inside

I'm single, I'm lonely.
It's late at night.
I wish someone would hold me.
I've been single my whole life, God this can't be right.
February, Valentine's Day.
Lovers hand in hand, I'm so jealous!
Praying to God, if I may,
Find someone to make I an us.
May 24th, I'll never forget,
Your smile, your touch, your laugh.
I never thought I'd hear it.
"Will you be my girl...This isn't a gaffe."
His words assured me,
My heart on the line,
Skipping beats like a CD,
I said "YES!" instantly on a high with no decline.
No longer single, I is an us
I never knew how great this could be, no longer a third wheel.
"I love him" is my Facebook Status.
Is this feeling real?
Our 3 month anniversary,
Attached at the hip.
I call him my baby; he calls me his Beauty.
100 days of unexplainable bliss,
Oh, how time flies when it's love you're in,
Single is a feeling I definitely don't miss.
Saturday night the time is right, my hands all over his skin.
Deeper and deeper we explore,
Under the stars shining bright,
The passion there and I can't ignore,
With one thrust our bodies unite.
Having convulsions,
Quiet whispers turn to loud moans.
My body is his, no love potions.
My mind in a whirlwind, cyclone.
"I love you"
Three words of the most expense.
"I love you too"
Would have been nice,
But he said he didn't think,
The time was right.
I sat there letting my heart sink,
My mind going "He loves you, he just can't say it"
This isn't the worst, at least I'm not single.
His phone goes off, he has a new text,
It's work, his boss is so evil.
He's needed at work, the new kid can't flip the burgers.
My man to the rescue.
He kisses me goodnight, running like a 40 yard dasher.
6 months together, just me and my boo.
Life is hard, but love is easy.
His love confession hasn't been reciprocated,
But I'm still his beauty, him my baby.
He works alot, but everynight,
We have our illicit eruption.
When I come up with something stupid we fuss, fight.
I learn how to keep my mouth shut,
I hate to anger him.
He doesn't want our relationship public, it's on the hush hush.
I'm special to him,
He hates to share.
Sometimes he'll call me on a whim,
To tell me how much he cares.
Although we don't talk very much,
This isn't the worst, at least I'm not single.
I wear my hair in a bunch,
My clothes are always wrinkled.
He likes me slim, so I never eat lunch.
He tells me the only person I need to look good for,
Is him, and to him, I look good in rags,
No need for Baby Phat, Dereon, or even a visit to the hair parlor,
I have a man, who I can keep for brags.
He's cheated on me once or twice,
But he still loves me, he told me so.
At least he comes home to me at night.
He says I have not a friend, everyone is a foe,
Not even family, they don't understand us.
I have nothing, no friends, family, I'm at an all time low.

This isn't the worst, at least I'm not single.

October 24, 2010

Runaway, my dear. [Kanye West's short film]

**SPOILER ALERT: I do go into details, and if you have not seen the film, please go to In the search box, type in "Runaway" and the full 34-minute version is available.**

Saturday night, TV screens went dark, and anticipation loomed throughout the entertainment world. An angelic sound surrounded living rooms everywhere, and although this peculiar darkness and seemingly eerie music only lasted for a couple seconds, the suspense was a cold killer. Kanye West's much anticipated short film "Runaway" was premiering on the three most popular TV channels in the world.

Hardly anyone knew what to expect, except of course the people working on the film. Would it be a controversial film? Afterall, Kanye West has been known to spark controversy, even with just the snatch of a microphone and the right to freedom of speech. Would it be a comedy? Would it be a once and for all "comeback"? It could have been all of those, but according to Kanye, it was beyond anything he'd ever done. He wished to broadcast his artistic talent, his deepness, and his hard work all in one. He didn't want to have just another big thing, he wanted to capture the world with THE biggest thing, Runaway.

The main question every critic seeks to answer is "Was this film good?". We are ALL critics, some more famous than others, but we all have the capability to critique, especially with art forms such as this. I am a critic, and after watching the film at three o'clock in the morning, I do have an answer.

First of all, may I start by saying that the scenery and cinematography of the film was radiantly beautiful, and dare I say flawless. Not only what the camera captured, but the location. It was filmed exclusively in Prague, Czech Republic. After watching the film, I've added to my list of places to see. I digress. The film began with Kanye running, seemingly as fast as an Olympian competing for his final chance to triumph, and get the gold medal. This was in fact a prequel, and you'll understand once you finish reading this piece.

The angelic music continued to play, the running scene was cut short to what seemed to be an asteroid or something of the like burning in the sky, as if it were a comet burning through Earth's atmosphere. It soared through Earth's sky, landing deep in the woods, the same forest in which Kanye was running. As the comet landed, Kanye can be seen driving through the forest on a long, curvy, paved roadway. After driving for a bit, Kanye crashes into the site where the comet landed. Suspense once again, until the camera focuses on a bird like creature in the middle of the road. Kanye emerges with her in his arms, and takes her off to his home.

In the next scene, after she's recuperated from her "fall to Earth" the bird awakes to the news being played on TV. She's intrigued nonetheless, by the TV. The screen starts to fade, as it goes off, causing her confusion to turn into curiosity, she goes for the TV, and stops as Kanye startles her, telling her that the in his world you never listen to the news.

The bird like creature, who has a woman's body with colorful wings and feathers on her arms and back, explores the outdoors as Kanye watches her, observes her strange behavior. She's never seen animals, trees, nor leaves. She's curious yet nervous about them all. She eventually becomes comfortable with her surroundings, touching everything in sight, as a child in a toystore would.

In the next scene Kanye is creating music. The bird like creature is moved by the music, it causes her to emerge from her seat, and dance to the rhythm that he creates. They have something in common, love for music. I'm assuming she's lived with him for a while now, and he's now starting to teach her "how to behave" in his society. How to drink and use utensils. She eventually learns the routine of how to drink and eat, well enough for Kanye to bring her to an affair that he's hosting.

Once they arrive at the affair, which is a large, elaborate dinner, everyone stares at her because she's different. She doesn't wear clothes, or expensive shoes, just feathers and a beautiful head piece. As she sits at the table exploring the items that are unique to her, such as decorative pieces, centerpieces, etc. the people at the table began whispering to one another, most likely talking about her, and how different she is. As a peace offering or gift she takes one of the simple decorative pieces that she finds intriguing, handing them to the lady that sits beside her. The lady seems disgusted, and doesn't take the gift, disappointing the bird. She puts the piece down and continues to explore things on the table.

As the bird is distracted, a man beside Kanye compliments his date, the bird. He tells Kanye that she is beautiful, but still asks him if he knows that she's bird. Kanye seems a little hurt, and says that he's never noticed. He stares off into the distance for a few seconds, before getting up and going over to the piano that's offset in the room. Kanye begins to play a simple chord. The bird turns around attentively listening and watching him play, while the others act as if it's nothing. As Kanye, plays and sings "Runaway" ballerinas dance intricately and exquisitely to the music. Kanye seems to not only be performing but relaying a message to his date, runaway. Although she doesn't get this message, he has a hard time with the song. Probably because, she's so different it would be hard for her to fit into his world and people in his world only accept people who are of the right image, and aren't different. If she wishes to stay into his world, she'd have to conform to them, they'd have to accept her, and not the other way around. She'd have to endure alot to be accepted by such a group, so Kanye advises her to runaway, indirectly.

There's a long scene of beautiful dancing by the ballerinas and once Kanye says "Let's have a toast for the douchebags" everyone raises up their glass, ready to toast...To themselves.

After the performance, Kanye goes back to the table and more food is served. Typical in European cultures that fancy meals have multiple courses. A bird that resembles the woman, is placed on the table. She screams in horror, and backs away from the table. In the next scene, Kanye is seen with his head down, and his table that was once full of "friends" is now empty...

Toward the end, the bird like creature tells Kanye that she doesn't like his world. People in his world don't accept differences. She also alludes to the fact that once you take the uniqueness out of someone or something they become statues, all the same, conformed to society. She tells Kanye that she must go back to her world. He doesn't want her to leave, and had obviously fallen for her. He pulls her in, and they begin to kiss. It seems as though, they become intimate in some way, on top of the roof. After becoming intimate, the scene cuts to the bird like creature flying in the air, surrounded by fire as she moves up into the sky, going back to her world.

The next morning, Kanye awakes happy until he figures out that the brid like creature that he fell in love with is gone. He looks around anxious to find her, he looks up in the sky seeing the comet like ball of fire, and the film ends as it began, with Kanye running [away] as fast as he can.

All in all, I thought the concept was AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING. I can't put anyone other word there. I loved everything about it, UNIQUENESS at it's best. I pray that people take the meaning away from the film, and do something with it. Once we get over this obstacle, we can accomplish anything as a society, as a people. This video goes beyond music and Hollywood. In general, Americans ESPECIALLY dislike people who are different, this is not the right way of thinking. Open your minds, open your hearts, to differences. Thank you Kanye, thank you.

Addition 10/25/10: I would like to say that Ms. Selita Ebanks was flawless. I keep hearing people say "Oh she sucked...She can't act." but she really exceeded my expectations. She was a beautiful bird lady and only had about two speaking parts throughout the entire film. She really brought home the innocence of the bird, the innocence of someone being pushed into the Entertainment world, if they like it or not. I think she did an awesome job. She helped make the message of the movie more crucial. Perfection at its best.

10/24/10 6:27 AM.

October 17, 2010


Has a FB friend who gets her daily nutrition from compliments. Everytime there's one of those "Like this status and I'll say something about you" she'll like every single friend who participates in it and even though the compliments are generous I know she lacks self esteem. As pretty as she is, I feel sorry for her, and wouldn't want to walk in her stilettos anyday.

August 28, 2010

Remembering Katrina: My Personal Account

As you all should know, as it has been on practically every source of media, this week is the "Anniversary Week" of Hurricane Katrina. This time five years ago, us Louisianians were bracing for the most feared storm of the century. A category 4 storm, formed rather beautifully in the Gulf of a Mexico, A textbook formation, a dream of nearly every meteorologist who has a passion for mother nature's power, was churning it's way to the Louisiana coast. Katrina was a beautifully tragic storm, sitrring up the life of millions across the United States, especially the Gulf Coast region and especially New Orleans. For the most part, we've all read the stories, saw the pictures, watched the videos, and listened to first hand accounts of the storm, so there's no need for me to go into more background information. Here's my story. Note: I am from Baton Rouge, and was living in Baton Rouge at the time that Katrina made landfall, and I of course, still live here.

A few days before Hurricane Katrina hit, I found myself staring blankly into the TV. It was tuned to The Weather Channel, and all day I was glued to the TV. The storm had already damaged parts of Florida, and was making it's way into the gulf gaining more strength. I watched the satellite model, twirl into a nearly perfect circle, with such a well defined eye, I didn't think it was possible for it to actually become anymore perfect. Eventually, I snapped out of my stare, interrupted by mom who was getting her things ready. "Come on, we have to go pick up some stuff, the storm is coming this way...We need sandwich meat, and maybe some tuna fish..." she said. I was listening in a sense, but my mind was elsewhere. I'd never experienced any major storms, I was scared but I didn't show it. "Yeah mama, let's go." I pryed myself away from the TV, as if watching it would make things better.

Once we got to the store, there were lots of people, which only added to my nervousness. It was about 2 days before the storm hit, and Walmart was nearly out of everything reasonable. As I walked through the store, I looked at people just to try to get a sense of what they were feeling. Some people were anxious, antsy, and scared but for the most part, people seemed unaffected as if it were just a regular grocery shopping day. I dragged along with my mom, trying to forget about the storm, but the bare shelves and long lines only added to my fear. I was thankful when a worker came from the back warehouse and brought two huge crates of water, he was my lifesaver. We picked up several cases of water, several loaves of bread, sandwich meats, chips, cookies, cakes, and canned goods and headed to the line. The lines were extremely long, waiting for two hours took it's toll, and immediately after we arrived home I fell asleep, letting my worries of the day subside with my slumber.

The next day, I remember being slow and painful, like torture. We started cleaning up early "In case something were to happen." All day as we cleaned up, talked, I couldn't seem to focus. My anxiety level hit record levels and every now and then I'd go into the bathroom just to cry. The countless satellite images I'd been studying, the hours of evacuation coverage, the warnings of "The worst storm to ever hit Louisiana" blaring on the TVs and radios broke me emotionally. I kept thinking about this huge tree that stood between our house and our neighbors house. The roots of the tree were in our neighbors yard, but most of its huge branches towered over our house. It was a nice shade in the summer time, but a nightmare during Hurricane Season. Since it wasn't on our property, we couldn't get the tree cut down, and our frugile neighbor wasn't getting it cut down anytime soon. I pondered the effects that the wind would have on the tree. Would it collapse completely onto our house? Would a huge branch smash my dad's truck in the driveway? Will it budge at all? My mind was racing all that day and it sickened me to even watch TV.

Later that night, while everyone was sitting in the living room I asked them "Are ya'll scared?". My question came out of the blue, and everyone looked at me as if I'd opened up a can of worms. "Baby, yes I'm scared. But it's coming if we want it to or not, it's God's will. We can't do anything about it but pray and stay together as a family. That's all. Don't let it scare you baby. It's just a lot of wind and rain," My mama said. Her words comforted me for the time and it didn't bother me as much anymore. I went to bed pretty early that night, because the storm was forecasted to be in the area in the early morning hours. I wanted to be asleep before things got too bad.

The next morning I woke up at around 11, the lights were out, and it was still somewhat cool in the house. I laid in bed for a couple minutes just looking around making sure I was still in one piece. I sighed with relief when I felt my body and I was all there. A couple seconds later I heard talking in the living room, it was my family, so they too were ok. I listened for rain, wind, windows breaking, cows flying, or just some sort of evidence of a hurricane going on, there was nothing. I got out of bed and ran to the living room. "What happened?!" I asked thinking the storm made an awkward turn and missed us. "You slept through the whole thing!" My brother yelled. I couldn't believe it was over. Stressing, crying, killing myself over nothing, so I thought. It was cloudy but there was still some light outside. I thought to myself how blessed we were, and all of that uproar from The National Hurricane Center, FEMA, Governor Blanco, The Red Cross, etc. was for nothing! I felt so blessed that Louisiana had dodged another one of the big ones. We had two small portable black and white TV/Radio concoctions. We put the batteries in and flipped on the TV that only caught 3 local channels. They were reporting that the levees were broken in New Orleans, and at that time I was ignorant about levees, and New Orleans. Thinking about it now, everyone seemed so calm considering what was going on in New Orleans.

It was a little over a week when the lights came back on. Through that week we would ride around town to get some AC for a while and just to see what was going on. I remember seeing real Army Hummers riding through the city, which was odd. Red Cross and Salvation Army trucks were everywhere, and the lines for gas and food were beyond overwhelming. Even though we were in Baton Rouge, it felt like a war zone, things weren't "back to normal" as I thought they would be. Something was wrong, but I didn't know what. As soon as the lights came back on, I turned on the TV to CNN, my primary newsource. I cried. All of those people, all of that water, all of the bodies. I remember Soledad O'Brien reporting from the Superdome. Or was it the Convention Center? I don't exactly remember, but it was one of the main shelters. There was trash everywhere, and she was describing the horrific smell of death in the city. It seemed as if she were in a third world country. How could a city that's an hour and a half away from Baton Rouge look so different? Why and how did this happen? I was glued to the set for days, until the buses came, it was unbelievable. I was so ignorant about levees and things like that, that I didn't understand and it was really baffling me.

The story on the news that I most remember, and I'm sure most people remember him, was this older man talking about his wife. His house flooded and they had to move to the loft in the house with their children. The water kept rising, so they had to go up to the roof while the storm was going on. Once they got on the roof, his wife was swept away, he grabbed her hand trying to save her because she couldn't swim. He couldn't hold her, and she told him to let her ago, and take care of the children. Even though he wouldn't let her go and tried with ever ounce of energy in his body to hold her, he couldn't, and she was swept away into the waters, which of course caused her death...Rest in peace to her, may God continue to watch over her family.

For weeks, everything seemed so gloomy. I could feel a difference in the air, even in Baton Rouge. For about two weeks, the radio became a hotline for missing family members to call in. It was sad hearing people who lost family members and didn't know where they were. Even people who were trapped inside their homes even called in for help. I remember my mama saying "I couldn't do it, If I had to go through that, I'd be for sure gone." A sad statement, but true for many. Many of us couldn't have endured such treatment and pain. I often put myself in their shoes, and if I were on the other end of the fence, I'm still not sure how I would've handled it. I respect EVERY single person who face Katrina, for all they've seen and been through. From "living" in overcrowded centers doused with the smell of feces, urine, sweat, mold and death, to walking the bridges and interstates trying to find help, to looting just to get the basic things needed for survival, to the long and crowded bus rides to strange places and sometime unwelcoming places, and to the cramped quarters of a trailer provided by the letdowns we call FEMA. THEY have been through hell and back, and they truly get my respect.

All in all, Katrina had a huge affect on my life. Over the years I've met some of the greatest New Orleanians (Or 'refugees' as they were called this same time 5 years ago). Even though I wasn't in New Orleans or on the Gulf Coast, I felt the pain. We were all in it together.

July 5, 2010

My Definite OPINION on Gay/Lesbian/Bi People

If you're in a room full of people and you say the word "gay" more times than none, you'd have everyone's attention. Homosexuality is a 30 year old controversial topic. It sparked controversy back in the 70s and is still causing the same controversy in this day in time. I actually chose to write about this topic because of one of my new favorite celebrites, and also because a comment that a child made. As a writer and a person with a deep interest in social studies, I thought it would be a good topic to explore.

Keep in mind that this is my opinion, if yours differs please feel free to enlighten me. I'm not one of those people who thinks that their opinion is the absolute right thing. I am conservative with a liberal mind.

In this blog, I'm not exploring the topic of homosexuality. That's been done many, many times and if you need information, history, and facts about homosexuality, feel free to Google it. I am attacking a certain question, that was brought on by a child, and I thought it was interesting.

A few days ago, I was at the beauty salon sitting underneath the hair dryer. A couple chairs down from me was a young woman between 21-30 years old. She had a little girl with her, who was her daughter, and she was around 6 or 7. I hate sitting under the hair dryer, so after a certain period of time, I'd take a break from all the heat. While I was sitting there on my break, the little girl comes up her mother and pats on her knee. The mother lifted the hair dryer from her head and said "Yes baby?". The little girl was an adorable, yet seemingly curious child. "Mama, how do people be gay?" she asked not broadcasting it across the building, but loud enough for several of the women in the shop to hear. The mother seemed to be at a loss for words, as all the women who heard the little girl's question stared at her, waiting for her answer eagerly, as if it had been a question they were wondering about, too. She quickly started digging in her purse, eventually finding a distraction, a Barbie doll. "Here, look what I brought...Now go play." The little girl was distracted by the delight of having a toy, and ran over to the other side of the shop where some other girls about her age were sitting. After the little girl left, the women continued with whatever they had been doing prior to the "shocking" question.

Personally, I thought the question was a great question! Which is why I'll be tackling the same question, why are homosexuals the way they are? Are they born gay? Is it brought on by their society? Environment? Family life? Do they choose to be gay? Or is it all just a trend? I'm not a scientist, but based on what I know, and what I've read and studied for myself I will answer these questions.

In this matter there is no definite answer, at least for me. I do believe that some people are born gay. I do believe that the person's environment can influence homosexuality. I also believe that some people choose to be gay.


[I'm just using boys as an example, I know there are homosexual girls as well, but it's hard to include both scenarios]

As we all know there are little boys who grow up playing with dolls, trying on mommy's heels, and doing ballet, things that typically girls would do. Then there are little boys who are surrounded by girls, and learn their behavior because there are few if any males in their life. Then on the other hand, there are guys who grow up, very heterosexual and decide to cross the line and transition into becoming gay. All of these happen in society...There's no way to explain it with one answer.

I will go out on a limb and say that I do think homosexuality and definitely bisexuality is becoming more of a trend. Before you get all up in arms, remember this is my opinion and secondly let me explain. I think it is a trend in SOME teens and young adults. They become homosexual because of the 'sexual' part of it. It's sexually appealing, fun, different and everyone's doing it. I personally know females who have said that they weren't born gay, it was something they decided to do because they were fed up with males. It also gives them identity, they get to belong in a group and stand out amongst their peers. And some of their truly gay friends can influence them to become gay, not because they are gay ut because thier friend is gay. Some people tag themselves bisexual because they want their cake plus some. I think homosexuality is MUCH more than sex alone, it's an understanding, a love and not just sex, which is what alot of teens and young adults think about it.

In conclusion, I would like to say that even thouigh I am not homosexual, I support the Gay community...Their bravery and strength has kept this topic hot for over 30 years and there's definitely more to come in the near future. I would also like to add that I did not include molestation, rape in this piece because I feel it's unfair. So many people think that people are gay because 99% of them were molested or something, when that's not true. It's hard on families when one of their family members turns out to be gay, they are looked at as a bad family because people have this misconception that in order to be gay you had to be sexually abused somehow. Definitely not true in all cases. With that being said, I encourage people to educate themselves about the LGBT community, Gay rights, etc.

Thanks for reading!

June 28, 2010


I like someone. STILL. Ugh this is depressing. I'm so into him, it's unreal. I've tried doing the confront him about it thing, but It went horribly (Not with him but someone else). Well it wasn't so terrible, I just got hurt horribly. I shouldn't have to intiate anything, if he truly liked me, he'd come after me, wouldn't he?

Love sucks. That is all.

June 23, 2010

Mein Kampf (My Struggle)

This blog is titled "Mein Kampf" for a reason. It was the title of Adolf Hitler's book. He talked about his struggle with Nazis and how he overcame to become a leader. I do not support Hitler in ANY way, I just felt that the title was creative, and appropiate for the topic of this blog. This entry into my "blog diary" will talk about my struggle, and how I am continuously trying to overcome it.

I consider my blog very personal. The things I type and the things you read are close to my heart, especially this one. I've never told anyone about most of these experiences, but after a talk with God, I feel the need to share it. When I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes and pain to my heart, but it shaped me. It made me the person I am. It was another obstacle I tackled, another trophy on the shelf. Anyway, here it goes.

Being me has been hard. There were road blocks, bumps, and many detours along my route. I've always considered myself normal, maybe nicer than the average, but normal. I always wanted to blend in, and I always wanted other people to be comfortable with me. As a kid in elementary school, I was the type to try to befriend the new kid, the lonely kid, or the awkward kid that no one wanted to play with. As I grew mentally and physically, things changed. I became one of those shy kids.

Throughout middle school I was teased and taunted. I cried rivers wondering "Why me?". As I said, I became shy and I didn't speak unless spoken to. I could walk in the halls, and have people point and say things about me, when they didn't know me. Any type of chatter and laughter made me self conscious, even if they weren't talking about me, I always felt they were. I thought by the time I got to high school things would change, boy was I wrong.

High school was an emotional rollercoaster for me. From depressed, to regretful, to happy, to ecstatic describes my high school years. I thought I'd heard all the teasing and ridicule, and thought that nothing that anyone would say, could hurt me. After all, I heard it all before. Until a couple weeks after I transferred high schools. It was a rule that we could not wear jackets to school. Silly indeed, but because of guns and drugs, I guess it was precautionary. We could only wear black sweatshirts on top of our royal blue uniform shirts. When I transferred, it was the beginning of January, so I invested in a black sweatshirt due to the winter season. I started wearing the sweatshirt everyday, not only because it was cold, but because I felt it would hide me. I thought it would hide my size, and make me oblivious to everyone. Again, I was wrong. In mid February, I was walking to class. This girl I'd only spoken to once, called my name. Her name was Jalisa, I always remembered her name because of Jalisa from "A Different World". After she called my name, I stopped and she walked over. She was tall, heavy set as well, and walked like a tired mother would. I smiled as she approached me waiting to give her a formal greeting, but my smile and greeting was cut short. "You pregnant?" she asked flat out, no sugar coating. My smile faded dramatically, and I couldn't believe she was asking me such a question. I know teen pregnancy rates were high, but still. Some pregnant women feel insulted when some asks such a question, imagine a non-pregnant person. I said "No!" with a little defensiveness. She nodded, and turned back to her friends. I stood there until she arrived to her clique. They weren't laughing, but they were staring at me, as if I were some kind of spectacle or even an alien. As though, I was out of place, and larger than life. That day, I felt terrible. My freshman year I went through yet again, another long school year of teasing, taunting, and ridicule. I thought I'd gone through it all, but the worst was still yet to come.

As I zoomed through my tenth grade year, things became a little better. I was more well known, and those who did want to tease me, got in their jokes my freshman year. The teasing still continued, more specifically in my Physical Science class. I sat all the way on the opposite side of the classroom. I kept to myself, and only associated with my best friend Magan, who sat next to me. My first day in class I dealt with Darian. I didn't know him, and he didn't know me. We sat on completely different sides of the classroom, yet he still managed to make my life a living hell. I hated going to that class, especially when it was the first class of the day. It was bittersweet, because my best friend was also in the class. I'd never been directly targeted by a guy, so that was another thing to add to my list of questioning myself. When the class was quiet, the teacher stepped out, or there was a substitute were my worst times. He'd call out things from across the classroom. Some people laughing, some people looking over at me with sad eyes, and some people just pretending to ignore him. I was grateful for the ones who just ignored him. Thank God, he got suspended, then expelled. Even though he was gone, the jokes about me, and the laughter from my other classmates still echoed in my mind, and I still hated the class, but the worst was still yet to come.

Next my junior year. It was fine actually. I was more known, and I guess I was the old joke. I had a lot of friends, and associates, and I just think more people began to accept me. There's always one of course. My junior year I had to take a half semester of Spanish to fill the foreign language requirement of 2 credits. I thought it would be easy, and fun. Again, I lied. Two words: Gerilyn Jordan. A girl in my Spanish class. We sat on opposing sides of the room, but faced each other. She too, made my life a living hell. I hated going to class, and I would squeeze in my arms and legs to make myself appear less noticeable, hell I wanted to be invisible. She'd always just look at me and laugh in my face or she'd say things about me to one person, and tell them to pass it on to someone else. She never tried to hide it, she'd just simply look at me, point at me, anything to make me feel bad. I never knew pain before until her, I never knew what feeling like dirt meant until one day in class. It was about 15 minutes before the class would be over, and I was copying notes down from the board. For some reason, there weren't very many people in the class that day. It had been a good day because she slept through most of the class. When she awoke, and stretched a bit she looked at me and laughed. I'll never forget this, as long as I live. She leaned over to the boy next to her, I don't remember his name (Well I do, but I won't say it here), but I knew he was a sophomore that played football. She said, pretty loud for whispering if you ask me, "Would you rather take a bullet or sleep with her?" the guy replied "Who?" and she pointed at me. Some people on my side of the room heard it and gave me that "Oh my Gosh" look. I pretended to not hear her, and I kept writing thinking the joke was over. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see her telling the guy to tell the other guy on side of him, and the guy in front of him. They were all in laughter, and the more they laughed, the deeper my heart sunk. One guy even said bullet, although the others didn't really give an answer, I guess it was the same. Tears came to my eyes, and I tried my hardest not to let them fall. Hearing her compare me to death was the worst feeling imaginable. Good thing the bell rang. I quickly got up, and walked to the bathroom, which was only a couple steps away. I cried my eyes out and even skipped class. I kept asking why...Why did these people who didn't know me, and who never even talked to me, say something so hurtful, and for me to hear? I'm still baffled. That was the lowest I've ever felt. I was depressed for a couple weeks after that, and though I did recover it took time, and lots of praying. My self confidence was shattered, and I didn't know what to feel. I felt very strong hate. I HATED her, and all those guys. I wished the pain I felt on them. Now, I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

After all these years of struggling to be accepted, I've come to terms with myself. I like myself, I LOVE myself. I still think about some of those bad moments, but I realized that they've shaped me. I will NEVER be like the people that made my life a living hell. I will teach my children this lesson, and hopefully they'll teach others. I'm also the most empathetic person ever. I never judge people solely on looks, because you never know what people go through. It was a VERY long road to even gaining an ounce of confidence. It takes lots of prayer and forgiveness. It's not easy forgiving the people who hurt you, but I have. I have forgiven Gerilyn, Darrian, Jerome, Adarryl, Bria, etc. All of the people who tormented me for their own pleasure. However, I have not forgotten, and I don't think I will. I am still slightly bitter, I admit. If I weren't my shirt wouldn't be soaked with tears right now. But, I am not done with this road to recovery. I am more open, more cheerful than ever before. I would've never been able to begin to write this a few years back, so I know I've come a long way. I give praise to God, and my family for helping me. Even if you don't believe in God, have faith in yourself, love yourself. It's much easier said than done, but you're stuck with YOU for the rest of your life. Stop pointing out your flaws, but what you're good at, what makes you special. If you need any help, I am here. Email, Facebook, Twitter, Call me! Just ask for any information you need.

**For those of you who may be thinking this is a sob story or a cry for sympathy it is NOT! I want whoever reads this blog to take something away from it. I do want you to be moved with my words, but I want you to be moved in the right direction. I want you to take what I've laid out on the table here and do something with it. If it's no more than speaking to a person who's a loner, or talking to a person who's been bullied, do it! The reason I wrote this blog is because SO many children/teens are committing suicide because of bullying, and it doesn't have to be. People wonder why would someone want to be dead just because they're bullied, but as you can tell from my blog, sometimes bullying can be severe. The things people say, the gestures people make can really hurt someone mentally. I was hurt mentally, so I understand. I am taking my own story and using it in my future. I want to be a Psychologist for all ages, because bullying, teasing, taunting doesn't stop just because you're an adult. I don't want people to turn to the guns, knives, drugs as their last resort to happiness and freedom from being bullied.

All is well. Thank you for reading :)

June 20, 2010

Upcoming Blogs

This is actually a note to self kind of thing so I don't forget, but it's also a heads up as well.

-Blog about Lantrav...About a boy, we went to middle and high school together. I remember him being bullied. People never took in consideration that he was a son, brother, friend, and a human. Outside of school, he had a normal life. Type: Serious, advice, psychology, lesson, life.

-Blog about girl in 5th grade. Brittiney Doucet. Ha. Type: Funny, life, growing up

-Blog about being called NOT fat by my little cousin. Remember: Dodgeball DVD case and Alex. "Wanna see a fat chick?" Type: Just funny

-Blog about the F word... How "fat" shaped my life. I hated the word, thought it was the most repulsive word in the dictionary, until I've had a recent change of heart. Type: Serious, motivational, life, lesson, advice

All these and more, this summer! :) *Subject to change, depending on my mood.

Insecurities of a Girl

I wish I were prettier.
I wish I were taller.
I wish I were thinner
I wish I was understood.
I wish I had a boyfriend.
I wish I didn't have to have a period.
I wish I knew why he likes me.
I wish I could tell if he likes me.
I wish my nose was smaller.
I wish my boobs were bigger.
I wish my lips were bigger.
I wish my hair was longer.
I wish my hips were rounder.
I wish I could dance.
I wish I could sing.
I wish I were older.
I wish I had my own place.
I wish I could get more out of this relationship.
I wish he noticed me.
I wish I were darker.
I wish I was smarter.
I wish my moods didn't swing.
I wish I were a boy, so things would be easier.
I wish...I didn't have insecurites.

Not all of these are my wishes. Many of them aren't, but a lot of them are for girls around the world. We may look well kept and calm, but at any given time, one of these thoughts constantly eat away at us. They may seem minute, and even stupid but these are the kinds of insecurities that make girls cut themselves, get plastic surgery, and even kill themselves...Being a girl is not easy.

June 15, 2010

Local Entertainment groups my A....

I won't be surprised if one of thoee many local entertainment groups get caught in scandal involving high school kids. You know such as "Savage Life","Dead Game", "Big Faces", "SupaUnit", etc. These entertainment groups recruit, basically, "groupies" to promote their stuff. Not just regular groupies, but young, naive, high school groupies. A groupie, will be a groupie. What is a groupie? Roughly described, a groupie is someone who's basically a fan of a particular popular person or group. They are so much of a fan, that they feel the need to have a connection to this popular person or group. They're the type to try to get backstage, and are always confessing their love and admiration for their favorite celebrity, in any way possible. They'll do anything to get closer to limelight. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the CEOs, Admins, and other big wigs of the group aren't already doing illicit things with underage people. I could be wrong, but common predators stick to specific age groups. They don't like working with adults. They work with who they're attracted to, who they can relate to. However, I do understand that teens can be the some of the best promoters, true. Then again, you have to realize that we all grow up, we're not Peter Pan, no one can be an adolescent forever. I'm pretty sure that none of these groups have high school aged CEOs or persons in charge. What happens when the CEO of one the groups becomes 40 years old? Will he still recruit high school aged kids? If so, that's something I will definitely give a side eye glare, and a questionable expression.

Alot of these local entertainment groups support and promote artistry. Such as a singers/rappers, models, photographers, graphic artists, etc. What really puzzles me, is the modeling/photographer part. A lot of the so called "photographers" that are affiliated with these groups aren't professional. They may know how to take a good shot but are they licensed? Are they trustworthy? Generally, no. Modeling is a career that attracts thousands of teenagers every year. As a teen, or even just being someone undiscovered, you're always looking for your "big break". The point in your life where it all comes together, you're finally where you want to be, and your hardwork has paid off. So, alot of teens, especially females, get into modeling for these entertainment groups. Taking all kinds of pictures, that could be illegal, and even embarassing.

All in all, I'm saying if you're interested in the entertainment business, join a group that doesn't rely on 14-17 year olds to do it's promotions. If you want to be official, aim for an official group to join. It's crazy to put so much hardwork into a label that's not even recognized, when you can be putting time and effort into a major group. It's like pushing really hard on a brick wall, and expecting it to move.

Oh, and I'm sure alot of this underage illicit activity stuff is really going on. It goes on in the real entertainment world, so I'm positive in order to make it big, teens are doing whatever it takes to get into this local entertainment scene.
Until next time guys!


June 6, 2010

Why Facebook is annoying me.

"Living a life that is molded around what other people think of you is a game of cat-and-mouse that will only lead to stress and inner torment, as no one is capable of living up to everyone’s ideals of who you should be..." -UncleCharles [via forum "I Want To Stop Caring What Other People Think of Me"]

Facebook is annoying me for one reason. That reason is because of this idiotic "Tell me what you think about me" or "Tell me what you like about me" game. It's ridiculous and scandalous.

Why do people feel the need to know what other people think of them or how others view them? True confidence and self value comes from knowing what YOU like about YOURSELF, and not caring what people think of you. I've been going through and looking at most of the people who want the most comments. I've noticed a trend, most of them are quiet people who I know for a fact care about what people think of them. It's saddening actually. I wish I could personally tell them this, but I am not a Psychologist (Yet) and I'm sure they would deny the accusations of living life based on what other's think.

This type of game does more harm than good. Some people will take such comments straight to heart. Meaning if it's a good compliment, it's human nature to feel more egotistical. If it's a bad comment, it's definitely hurtful, and it dampens self esteem. Another thing is that some are going to feel as though they need to live up to what people think of them. This causes a whole spectrum of personality issues and difficulty with self actualization.

Some people feel as though these comments are like gold. For each good one they receive, it's another one to put on the shelf. Gaining lots of positive comments, is like putting gold in their pocket, it's a sort of happiness that they don't get often.

I despise this kind of game, because it does so much Psychologically, it's basically a mind game.

Not to mention the liars and fakers. Feeding such great comments about the person via Facebook but in real life, they wouldn't give them the time of the day. How can you accept and enjoy comments from someone, who didn't even speak to you when you sat next to each other in high school? Do their comments hold as much value as your best friend's comment? Psychologically it does. In fact, a stranger's comment holds much more weight than a friend's. Disagree? Think of it this way...

You're in the mall wearing a brand new outfit. Your friend sees you and is amazed at how cute the outfit is. Of course, you feel happy that your friend likes your outfit but then as you're browsing in Macy's, a young lady around your age comes up to you and compliments your outfit. Which one are you truly more fascinated about? Your best friend who sees you everyday, or the stranger, who you've never seen before, that took time out to notice you and come over to actually give you the compliment? Generally, it's the latter.

I'm not not trying to be a party pooper whatsoever, but I am trying to raise awareness about this Psychological game that's being played on Facebook. These are not only mere comments that may or may not be true, for a lot of people it's their lives. What other people think of them is like their food, their medicine, they crave it. Too many teens suffer with self esteem issues, and I'd hate for the wrong comment to end up being a catalyst (Something that speeds up) for someone's down spiral. Choose your words carefully, think critically, and if you don't have anything nice to say to one person, I suggest you erase the entire status and don't give feedback to anyone. If you have to make up something false, don't send a comment to anyone.


May 18, 2010

Nothing would black man happier, than to have a white woman.

Nothing would make a black man happier, than to have a white woman.

I heard this on TV a couple weeks back, and as much as I hate to admit it, I do think that it's true. Not saying that all black men desire white women, but they would be at their happiest if they could attain a white woman/ non-black woman. It's like having a gold, shiny trophy on a shelf. Prime example: How many black male celebrities do you see with a black woman? Don't worry...I'll wait. It's not very many. The average Joe, of course has a harder time getting with someone of the opposite race, which is why it's not as common in the regular, non-celebrity world. Men are known to have have pride, and to show off

It's really the slave mentality. The white woman of the plantation was like a Goddess, an angel, and the most beautiful thing ever to grace the plowed lands. She's was clean, well kept, but she could never even be touched by the male slave. Her value was endless, and she was always placed on a pedestal worth so much more than the black woman. The black woman on the plantation was nothing more than a breeder, a cook, a maid, or simply put just another slave. She was easy to obtain unlike the white woman.

It's like a game, whoever can get the white woman get's the trophy wife. The thing you can show off to all your friends, brag about, and put on a pedestal for all to see. Men are known to be competitive beings, that love to show off their accomplishments, and getting a woman of another race is at the top for lots of black men.

Watching a show called "Basketball Wives" really brought this to my attention. "Basketball Wives" is a show about current and former wives of some of the biggest NBA stars and it airs on VH1. The first episode they introduced the cast, and what I saw was a definite lack of black women. There were some Caucasian women, some Asian, and the majority were mixed (black/white, white/Asian, Hispanic/white, etc.). Shockingly enough there were only about 2 black women on the show, and only one dark skinned.

I know this doesn't represent a good sample, but in my opinion it says a lot. Honestly, I'm all for interracial relationships, but it gets annoying when you see the black woman belittled so much, especially in the media. Most girls in music videos aren't dark skinned, most of them aren't even black. The love interest in black movies are usually lighter skinned black girls or mixed girls. All of this only suggests that darker skinned black women are less attractive than lighter skinned women, which isn't true.

Men have also said that they prefer white women because they aren't as nagging as black women, they don't have attitudes, they aren't outspoken or dramatic. YET most of the non-white women on Basketball Wives are divorced/separated from their husbands...It's not only on the show but most interracial marriages in Hollywood never work out. In the average Joe society, interracial marriages tend to work out more, true...But not all black women are loud and outspoken. Just like there are loud and outspoken black women, there are loud and outspoken white women. Just as there are soft and gentle white women, there are soft and gentle black women, too. So that's not an excuse.

Lil Wayne (the rapper) really said it quite clear in one of his songs: "Beautiful black woman, I bet that *girl* looks better red." I read in a magazine or something that he meant Red as a representation of the gang called "Bloods". I think that is such a load of crap! He meant what he said...A black woman is beautiful BUT she'll look a lot better if she were "red" or light skinned.

There was a study done about a year ago about how young girls viewed the black woman. The researchers put two dolls on a table, one white and one black. The little black girls were asked to pick the prettiest doll and the overwhelming majority of them chose the white doll.

I think this is an interesting case. I'm not saying that it's wrong for black guys to date white women, I love seeing couples in love regardless of race, but I do think that black women should get more credit instead of always being criticized. We should teach our children this fact, that skin color should not equal beauty. Simply put...

PEOPLE SHOULD BE LOVED FOR THEIR PERSONALITY (and inner beauty) and not their skin color.

May 9, 2010

My Life...In the Moment

It's Mother's Day and besides having ants attack me, and staying in walmart for over 30 minutes for two items, I've had a good day. There was this one moment that really made me laugh and smile and blush. All at the same time! I'm a hopeless romantic, so I see much more humor in this than it really should be. In opinion, it's the first funny scene in a romantic comedy that kicks it off. So anyway, here it goes! Enjoy! :)

I was out running some errands from my mom. Pick up this here, take this here, don't forget to go here. It was a pretty bland yet beautiful day as I stepped out of my car at the Home Depot. You see, we needed another propane tank for some outdoor cooking. There was so much food to cook that we needed two at the same time.

Supposedly there's this new high tech thing, where all you need is a credit card and a pair of hands and you can easily exchange your propane tank. Therefore, I parked my car right in the fire lane, expecting to not take longer than 5 minutes. As usual, technology never cooperates in my time of need. After swiping my card several times, it wouldn't work. I was starting to get irritated and weighed down by the gas tank in my hand. When I get irritated, I get hot, and when I get hot, it's not nice. After finally getting the new propane tank, I blew off my frustrations for the time being.

After stuffing the tank into my trunk I got in the car, blasted the AC, and decided to call my mom to tell her where I was headed. A couple minutes into the conversation, I looked out of the corner of my eye and I saw this sculpted figure. Literally sculpted, his physique was KILLER. He definitely hit up the gym like everyday. I kinda blew it off, and kept talking until I saw him walking in front of my car. He did the cutest thing. He pretended to run into my car as if I hit him and like he wasn't paying attention. I had a look of shock on my face, like OMG he ran into my car. Then he smiled and I smiled back. He had a cute smile, among many other cute features. So I kept talking, in shock that this guy was trying to get my attention.

He went inside and bought himself a Powerade. I pretended not to notice him, but he came back out and knocked on my passenger side window. He made a joke about I hit him, and just talked playfully. I wish I would've had more to say but I was in awe. He walked away, with all his perfectness and I was smiling like a little school girl in a candy store.

May 3, 2010

My Life...In Becoming Natural?

Hello all! Good morning! I hate being up so early but I slept alot yesterday so I'm not sleepy. Plus I'm trying to do an essay, powerpoint, AND script! I feel myself getting a little overwhelmed, so if you know me, you know that my stress reliever is writing!

I was on Facebook, and I saw an old friend. She used to have long, beautiful hair and now she cut it off, now she looks like Eve. Ok, I stole that from Kanye, but still! She's on the natural route, which looks cool and very cute. I really want to try the nautural style!!! Like really bad, but I'm scared in a way. I LOVE my long hair and although it is permed it IS NATURAL. I don't get when people say "I'm going back to my roots, to what God gave me". Um, God gave you hair whether it's permed or not, if it's not sewn in or slapped on top of your natural hair, and actually comes out of your scalp it's your natural hair! Anyway, I just think natural looks so cute once it's grown out.

I also know that natural hair is not for everyone. Sometimes it's not becoming to everyone who tries it, I understand it's their choice and I sooo applaud them for stepping out and doing it, but not everyone can pull it off. That goes for any hairstyle. Alot of people just do it now because everyone else is doing it, and not because they truly want to be more connected with themselves. Claiming to want to be natural but everything else on your body is synthetic...Think about it. Why not have your god given face, or god given eyes? Hmm...Anywho....

I know it's a long journey, and maybe it time, I'll try it but I really doubt it lol. As of now, I'm sticking to my natural permed hair...It's apart of me and I'm comfortable with it, I think cutting all my hair off would make my confidence level drop from 2 to zero...Lol.

Thanks for reading :)

May 2, 2010

My Life...In Wonder.

I wonder, does he ever think about me? Has he ever thought about me, the way that I thought about him? I know he doesn't. I know he never has. I know that I was never anything to him. He was everything to me. Or is he still everything to me?

That is all.

April 20, 2010

My Life...In Music again!

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted a music video but it's back! My video for today is a classic. I love it. I've always loved Janet Jackson, even as a kid. For some reason, I remember watching all her videos as a kid. Anyway, I love this song because it's very smooth, has a nice rhythm, and meaning. Not to mention, Janet sings like an angel. If only teens today could listen to it, and hear the words. I'm glad she made this video, as beautiful and as much of a sex symbol that she was back in the 80s, she also said it's ok to wait. So without further delay here is: Let's Wait a While - Janet Jackson

April 17, 2010

Guys are too high maintenance these days!!

So, I've realized the problem! Doing some "research" I've found that guys are TOO high maintenance. What does that mean? They're worried about shoes, clothes, jewelry, hats, etc. and thinking that they're above every other guy. OMG that is so annoying! It's not attractive to me.

I don't care if you wear Jordan's or Adidas, I don't care if you're wearing Taylor Gang or Rocawear, I don't care if you have an iPhone or a Nokia! Some dudes take more pictures than girls and have more clothes and shoes than a girl. That's sickening. Maybe it's because I'm not a high maintenance girl, I'm not even a girly girl and having a guy that's not on the same level as me, would be called a disaster!

Here's what I want: A simple guy (Maybe a country boy), I don't care about name brands, I don't care if your car is not sitting on some rims, I don't care if your car was not made in this decade (Lol), and I don't care if you can rap the whole Carter III album (Actually, I prefer if they don't). I don't particularly care for material things in a significant other. Flashy things don't excite me. Just have something going for yourself. Want to know what excites me?

What excites Nicollette: HONESTY, FAITHFULNESS, HUMOR, EMPLOYMENT, level headed, talkativeness, intelligence, open mindedness, goal-oriented, hard worker, not afraid to get his hands (or shoes/clothes) dirty, strong minded, determined, and common sense.

See all those things, they don't involve spending any amount of money (unless you need some personality counseling). Dress nice and up to date, but please do not have more shoes than me. Some guys are just like that, and I understand but alot of guys do it to impress girls. It's the same thing when guys meet a girl and she's all pretty and stuff. And then a couple months later, she takes off the makeup, weave, nails, and contacts and you're like WTF happened to my girl?

We want you to be real and honest. This means we want you to be real with yourself, and all the rest will follow in place. Don't come to me and say "I got this...This...This...That..." come to me and say "Well, I don't have alot of things, but I'm honest, caring, smart and I am working to get this...that...this...". We don't want your material things (Unless she's a gold digger, or she's really shallow) we want YOU.

I've seen some guys try to impress me with material things. As long as you can clean up really nice when it's time, I don't care about all those unnecessary things that hold such little true value.

*sighs* I need an artist...Guys that are artists are so open minded and just free.

April 12, 2010

My Life...In Venting!!!

Ok, so I promised myself that I'd be totally honest with this blog and I'm keeping my promise so here it goes.

I'm really upset, angry, pissed, and just mad because of one particular thing. I know there are more important things in life that I should worry about but I've been dealing with this for 18 years and 10 months of my life!

The saying goes: "There's someone for everyone" which is true but there's NO ONE for me! There's someone for everyone but me! It's so sickening and it just make me mad. Maybe I have pushed away a couple of relationships, MAYBE, but still. I keep trying to justify being single since forever but I can't. People say you have to go through a few bad frogs before finding your prince, but I haven't been through any frogs! I hope I don't have to go through heart break and maybe I'll be blessed enough to find my prince in one shot.

I also know that it's God's will. I'm sure whatever or whoever he has in store for me is what's best. I just need a sign that there is really someone in store for me...This guy must be just like me because he's super late (I'm never on time for anything) and I'm patiently waiting. Maybe there is no one out there, just maybe I'm meant to be single forever. Maybe God wants me to become a nun, maybe. Maybe he wants me to be a dominant female figure that doesn't need a man, maybe. UGHHHHH. Maybe I should just focus on my life, school, my family, and work and worry about a relationship later, maybe yes.

The weird thing about this is, I'm scared. I'm scared of a relationship. Will I be interesting enough? Funny enough? Smart enough? Attractive enough? Talkative enough? I'm scared of all of this, I'm definitely going to be myself, I'm not changing in order to not be single. That's just crazy, too many girls do that and once they'e too far in, there's no turning back.

Maybe it's simply because I'm not ready...I just don't know. I should work on myself before anything else. Then there are people just like me and still have a significant other. SMH...I'm lost. They say when you least expect it, that's when it comes, well I'm easily surprised and at this point I'm not expecting anything. So, come on lover, wherever you are. I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready (In Spongebob's voice). I'm going to stop thinking about it, and live for the moment.

*Sighs* If he doesn't show up by this week and if there isn't at least a sign that he's out there, I'm so becoming a nun.

April 11, 2010

My Life...In Music Video!

Good morning! It's pretty early and since I didn't post until late yesterday, I figured I'd get an early start for today. So, I was just laying here in bed, thinking and thinking about my life in general and I had an epiphany! I thought about this song I used to love back in middle school. I don't remember if it came out during my 6th or 7th grade year, maybe even 8th. I'm thinking it was 7th because I had a huge crush on someone. I don't know, it was something about him that just pressed a nerve in my heart and at that moment I was in love Lol. Seventh grade I had the biggest crush on ___________ _____________. Lol...It was something about his style, the way he looked at me, the way he presented himself, it was all unique and different. I didn't even notice him at first. It was like the guy that sat in back of class and slept all the time, with the dark and light blue Phat Farm (Or Rocawear?) sweater, and small 'fro. As a 12 year old, I was like completely in love Lol! I guess he could be considered my first love, even though it wasn't officially mutual. I loved this song because I declared: If I couldn't have him, I'd be single for the rest of my life. Drastic, I know. I still don't have him (I don't want him, just saying), and I'm still single but that's another topic for another blog. So here's your feature presentation: Isyss - Single for the Rest of My Life

My Life...In "Being a Girl Means More Than Having a Period"

Ok, so recently I posted this status saying that girls are dumb and stupid. I don't apologize for that, because it's 100% true! It's so annoying that females are so stupid when it comes to relationships. Seriously, alot of girls drop their panties in the sight of the same sex. I understand that alot of girls don't have the mindset that I do but it seems that alot of girls aren't even trying to better themselves. You tell them something to help them, they turn around and say you're jealous or something stupid. Sadly, it can take months and sometimes years for women to gain some common sense.

-If you see that your guy isn't showing as much love to you as you're showing love to him. Nix him. I mean, I know that guys aren't as loving and emotional as girls are but still.

-Stop saying "That's my boyfriend" "I miss my boyfriend" "I love you John Doe!!!". That is more than annoying! It's nice to show love, but not overly. Do you really have to announce to the world that you're that much in love? And is he doing the same?

-It's not about playing hard to get, it's about play like you have some damn sense. Don't do things just because he will like it or because he wants you to do it. Be yourself. I can't stress that part enough.

-NEVER LET A BOY HIT YOU. I purposely used "boy" because no man would hit a female. Putting his hands on you is the ultimate form of disrespect. If he hits you he doesn't love you. TRUST ME! Women die from domestic abuse...You don't want to be another statistic. Forget the apologies, and "I'm going to change" speech. It ain't happening!

-If you catch your man, YOUR MAN, YOUR MAN cheating don't confront HIS MISTRESS. Confront YOUR MAN! It's not this girls fault even if she did know he was in a relationship (Alot of the time, they don't know that they're in a relationship). You put your trust in that man not that chick who he cheated with. You're in love with your man, not the girl. He has a mind of his own, and even if she seduced him, it's still his fault for cheating. If you really have good will power, just leave him and his cheating chick together. Move on.

-Stop fighting over your man. It's stupid, and makes you look stupid. If you have to physically fight for him, it's not worth it. If he wants to be with you, he'll be with YOU. Point blank.

-Quit acting like a puppy when he's around. It only makes you seem weak. He'll take advantage of you and it just goes downhill from there. BE YOURSELF. I know too many smart girls, who's brain turned to goo when they see their boyfriend or even a random guy. They follow them around and hang on their arm for no reason.

-If it dresses like a ho, walks like ho, then it's probably a ho. Basically, stop dressing like a ho. Alot of nice girls who aren't whores dress like whores. Although you may not be a ho, guys perceive you to be this way. You don't attract nice guys when you look like that. You don't have to dress like a ho to look cute. Look cute not trashy. By trashy I mean holes in your shirt that show breasts, belly button, nipples, etc. Cootie cutters and super short skirts are a no-no. Shirts that barely cover your breasts, etc...Things like that. Show a little, leave a little mystery and let them wonder.

That's all I have for now :)

April 9, 2010

My Life...In Leaving the Bird's Nest

Leaving the Bird's Nest is a big event in everyone's life. It's leaving the place that you grew up, the place that you're familiar with, and leaving the people you love to be on your own. Usually this takes place between ages 17-21 and it's a huge transition, especially if you've been with your parents your entire life. I haven't experienced this change yet, but in the near future, I think it's possible. I've kind of decided to attend Southeastern Louisiana University in the Fall of 2010. I'm still not completely sure if it'll all fall into place. Anyway, here's a short story about what I think it will be like. Realistic Fiction, but anticipated non-fiction.

The sound of my alarm clocked buzzed me back into the reality of the world. The sun illuminated my spotless room, and the birds chirped happily. It was 8:00 AM, and I was still tired. For the past couple weeks, I'd been practicing how to wake up on my own. Usually, my mom, dad or brother would wake me in the mornings but in a couple days this would all change. I sat up in the bed just looking around my room. First of all, it hadn't been this clean in a while. Secondly, this room would only be a memory until the weekends when I return home. I stood up and did my routine stretch, my bones cracked like 60 year old, but it didn't bother me. Walking to the bathroom, I saw all the bags I'd packed the previous night. I remember feeling as though I was packing to go to war in Afghanistan. Although I was smiling and happy on the outside, I already felt empty and lonely on the inside. I wanted to cry, I wanted to not go, but as my mom always said "You have to do what you have to do" and I had to do this.

Everyone else in the house was already awake. My mom, who'd been worried since the day I announced I was transferring to SELU, was sitting in her bed with a little reassuring smile. She didn't want me to go but she wanted what I thought was best for me. I could already see the tears forming in her eyes as she looked at me, her baby, getting ready to leave the nest. My dad, who rarely worries or shows emotions was in bed, half asleep, wrapped up like a pig in a blanket. My brother is the same, and hardly showed emotions, but he too seemed worried. I talked with my mom for several minutes, just savoring this conversation with my mom, since I would be talking to her through the phone for most of week. My dad finally rose out of bed and it was time for us to begin the journey.

After we all got dressed, my dad and brother helped me put all my things in my car and loaded the big things into my mom's SUV. After making a few goodbye calls, I was on the road. My brother rode along with me, and my parents followed behind me as we took the 45 minute trip to Hammond, La. The trip seemed longer than it actually was. I realized then, that my parents would no longer be following me anymore, and my brother wouldn't be in the passengers seat. I wanted to cry but I couldn't show such negative emotions. My mom would've instantly took me in her arms and just let me come back home. I smiled at my brother and wiped my eyes secretly as we arrived in Hammond.

It took us a while to find my dorm, but eventually we did. I opted to not have a roomate and just fly solo. Afterall, I'd heard too many bad roomate stories and I didn't want to add another one to the pot. We all got out, each of us carrying some of my things, and walked to my room. It was small yet cozy. It was my own for the school year. We started to put things in place, my mom put up some of my favorite pictures, and my brother helped me make up my bed as my dad hooked up my TV. They stayed there for hours, just to make sure I was comfortable. The sun began to set and my dad announced that they should get going before it gets dark. Again, I wanted to cry, I wanted to bawl and beg them not to leave me, but I had to let go as they had to let go of me. My mom started to cry as she hugged me and I couldn't hold back my tears as I held her. I was going to miss her like crazy. Peeking over her shoulder my dad and brother too were getting teary eyed. I let go of my mom and hugged my dad and brother, it was finally time to say goodbye. I waved goodbye to them and hugged my mom one quick time. I knew I would be on the road again Friday, headed back home but it all seemed so permanent.

After they left I sat on the bed, and fooled around with my laptop. I cried a little more feeling lonely, until the girl who I shared a bathroom with came over to introduce herself. We talked for a while, and I found out it was her first time leaving home too. Just being able to relate to her made me feel better and I knew that I would be ok. I called my mom before going to sleep and she talked about everything that happened since I'd left only a few hours ago. It was after 11:00 PM when we got off the phone simply ending the call with "I love you" made everything seem to fall into place. I knew that even though we were miles away, I still had my mom anytime I needed her.

The end :)

My Life...In Music Videos

Wow, I used to love this song when it came out. I loved Ashanti and I wish she'd come out with some good new stuff. Anyway, when the song came out I think I was in middle school and I really didn't fully understand the message in the song. This song is very true even to this day. Women toletate physical, verbal and mental abuse from their husbands/boyfriends, cheating, and them not contributing anything to the relationship all the time. It's another social epidemic. So many women don't understand that abusive and unfaithful men do not love them. Everytime they get the courage and strength to leave, this so called loving man will come back and sweet talk her making her believe that things are going to change. Of course, they will change for a couple weeks, if that long, and things will be back the same. A man that loves you wouldn't hurt you in anyway. It's so heartbreaking that hundreds of women die every year at the hands of an abusive man that they were in love with. Us women are too full of beauty and worth to let a man put his hands on us. And if this so called man is not putting anything into the relationship, he's not a man. A man provides for his family, and put his family before anyone else. A woman needs a man, not a boy. Also, if he truly loves you and respects you he would give up whatever hurts you. Last but not least, it is not only the man's fault for being a cheater, liar, and abuser. It's also the woman's fault for allowing him to do so. There are plenty of fish in the sea, don't allow the negativity into your life. You don't need a man in your life always. Get some friends, or a dog, enjoy being alone sometimes. If you can't be alone, how can you have a partner? God created the woman from the rib (or side) of the man so they could be equals. Nothing more or nothing less. Before going out and looking for a man, get your mindset straight, be picky, it'll be worth it. So, here's my music video pick for the day: Foolish - Ashanti. Enjoy :)

April 8, 2010

My Life...In Relationships *cringe*

I've been in a lot of relationships. I consider a friendship a relationship because you're relating to someone in a way that friends relate, if that makes sense. Although I haven't been in many close, personal relationships I believe I am quite educated on the dating game because I've seen lots of them come and go. There's this one particular relationship that's been bothering me for a while now. It ended due to my stupidity and temporary shallowness. I would love to apologize to this person in person, but for now I'll just blog about it, to get it off my chest for a while.

He was an all around great person. He was smart, talented, talkative, funny and just a nice guy. I met him through a friend who was quite popular with the opposite sex. After a couple weeks we were friends and talked quite a bit. At school and on the net. It was a fun friendship, to say the least. Secretly, when I originally met him I had a huge crush on him. After we became friends I let those feelings subside so we could just be friends. Months passed by and we became closer, and our conversations became more in-depth, which made my prior feelings resurface. I liked him and I wanted him to know. I was debating for weeks whether or not to tell him even though he was totally into someone else. So, one day after school we were talking and the wind was blowing so lightly, the sun shining brightly, and the birds chirping cheerily, it was the perfect day. He came over standing close to me talking about something I can't remember. Then all of a sudden it happened...

I smelled something foul, and gross. One of my biggest turn offs is bad breath and oh my gosh did he have it. I tried to hold my breath but he was so close to me I couldn't ignore it. I was so mad because besides his breath he was pretty much perfect. The next day came around and I couldn't take it. I was just annoyed with trying to avoid his breath (And he talked a lot!!) and everything. So, I started to become very rude, I'd stop talking to him and told him to leave me alone and get away from me.

God, I feel so bad about that. I should have never said those things and been that rude. After I did it, I regretted it and wanted to apologize but still I couldn't I was too ashamed. I didn't see him for a while and the next school year was so awkward. I'd see him and he just wouldn't say anything to me after we had shared so much. I deserved it and I know I did but all in all I still missed him and our conversations.

Nowadays, he's completely changed it seems for the worse. He looks better, but I can't help but think if he changed because of me. Did I bring on this change? Besides his breath, nothing was wrong with him and then he just starts to change. I don't know...I just feel responsible for it. Maybe after me being such a B-word towards him he felt insecure and mad him want to re-evaluate himself. I hope not.

Really, I want to apologize to him. For making him feel bad, and just for being so rude, mean, and shallow. I don't know if he even thinks or cares about this but I just feel the need to apologize. I think about it quite frequently and makes me sad. He's a great person and a really great guy who deserves a good person in his life. Hopefully, he realizes that his old personality was better than his new personality. I also hope that one day we could be friends again or even civil.

Thanks guys for reading. I'd appreciate if you'd not ask me to mention names. If he reads this, he should know that it's him I'm speaking of. If you're not sure (lol) please message me via Facebook and I'll let you know :)

April 7, 2010

My Life...In a World Full of Barbies

*Click picture to access my Facebook page*

On first glance, this picture is hilarious. A man trying so hard to be something he's not. But this is only the beginning. Most [black] females, and obviously some males too, are jumping on this Barbie Bandwagon. It's really an epidemic, spreading through the black community like the Swine Flu. Infecting everyone from 40 year old mothers to little girls with barrettes and ponytails. This is an epidemic that has not just begun.

It all started in 1959 when Barbara Millicent Roberts (Shortened to Barbie) was created. Almost every little girl who owned a Barbie doll wanted to be just like her and aspired to have a huge dream home and a shiny pink Corvette. That is, until reality set in. The little girl who once idolized Barbie began to mature into an older, wiser, woman of reality. Nowadays, it seems that there's an error in this growing up process. Alot of us are still stuck in our childhood days, where imagination is key. Not only does this directly effect this Barbie craze, it effects everyday life. Too many people are living beyond their means, and living in this perfect fantasy world without facing the reality of it all.

Barbie is one of the most popular toys of all times. Over the decades, there have been hundreds of different types of Barbies produced including Malibu Barbie, Doctor Barbie, Veterenarian Barbie, Holiday Barbie, etc. I would love to have her resume. In everything that Barbie tried her hand at, she was perfect. I'm sure if there was a Janitor Barbie she'd still manage to make it look glamorous. She's an image of perfection and flawlessness which could be a reason why so many people are self acclaimed Barbies.

In my opinion, I hate this whole Barbie fiasco. Barbie was and will always be plastic. We are all humans, and there is not one perfect human. Instead of wanting to be a Baribe why can't we [Us black females] strive to be a Michelle Obama, Mae Jemison, Barbara Waters, Lena Horne, Oprah Winfrey, Shirley Chisolm, Angela Davis, etc. These are real role models who actually stand for something, not just looking pretty and having lots of material things. There's nothing cute about being a Barbie. As I said on my Facebook status a couple weeks ago: I hate when girls (& maybe some guys too) call themselves Barbie. Esp. Black Barbie because she was only the white Barbie's flunkie...So she wouldn't seem racist and Ken always wanted to try a black chick. If you want to be plastic, fake, and have a brain full of air then more power to becoming a Barbie. Lastly, Barbie only gets played with when someone's bored, after that on to the next one (aka the Bratz doll).

In closing, I would like to leave this picture that I enjoy. It really shows the Barbie epidemic that's plaguing our black female population. Please, let's just end it.


April 6, 2010

My Life...In highschool

Sitting here on Facebook and for some reason I thought about high school. High school was an emotional rollercoaster for me. There were lots of downs but there were a few great memories as well, that taught me about life and the many aspects of it. One just kind of stands out at the moment and I think it's cute. So, here it goes! This is a true story by the way.

It was 2:30 PM and the dismissal bell had just rang. I stood in the long line on the backway stairs trying to make it to my bus as quickly as possible. It was always pretty tough to get down the main stairs so I always took the backstairs because it seemed easier and less crowded. But today, for some reason it was more backed up than usual. After finally getting outside I realized why. There was pizza! After school there was pizza sold as a concession. For the past couple weeks the pizza wasn't available for unknown reasons but now it was back and there were at least 2 dozen boxes of pizza hot and fresh. Usually, if I wasn't on the bus within 10 minutes after the bell rang, I wouldn't get my usual seat on the bus, but this time was an exception! Pizza for crying out loud! The line was long but it was moving pretty quick. I finally got to the front of the line and ordered 2 slices of my favorite sausage pizza. Having my pizza in hand, I couldn't wait to take a bite but I heard the buses beginning to start up. My bus was usually the first bus in line, so I literally had to jog to it. It was 2:45 and the bus was packed! My seat was filled and there was hardly anywhere to sit. I squeezed through the narrow, crowded aisle making my way to the back of the bus eventually finding an empty spot next to a stranger, who I'd never even seen before. I wasn't very happy about the crowded bus or the fact that I didn't have my regular seat. The time flew by quickly and it was around 3:10 when the person sitting next to me got off at her stop. The bus was nearly empty except for about 5 or 6 people scattered throughout the bus, most of them upperclassmen. Being a freshman, I never really associated with the upperclassmen and I'm sure being pretty shy at the time had something to do with it. All of them seemed to be friends and they talked casually as the bus continued to roll. I knew it would be at least 10 minutes before I arrived at my stop so I pulled out my book starting to read. After a few minutes, I looked around making sure my timing was pretty accurate. To my surprise, there was someone looking at me. I'd seen him on the bus and around school but I never really gave him much thought. Seeing him stare at me only made me want to crawl under a rock and hide. After a quick mini-stare back, I had to look away out of the window. I felt more nervous than ever and I couldn't wait until the bus came to my stop. But then again he would notice me standing up and stare at me more. I even thought about sitting there and pretending that I was going to another stop. But that would've been stupid I thought. Finally the bus pulled up to my stop and I grabbed my bag and book standing up and heading down the aisle to the door passing him up. Looking at him closer, I did realize that he was pretty cute but I couldn't figure out why he looked at me the way he did. It was captivating, intriguing, and just different from anything I had experienced. After that day I rode the bus a couple more times but then opted out and instead I joined the car poolers. I looked around school for him and at the time I thought how exciting it was that his first class was across from mine (I was 14-ish give me a break). I never actually spoke to the guy but I think it was a fun unspoken experience. All in all, I realized that the eyes never lie, with just a look you can understand someone's feelings and they don't have to say one word.

April 5, 2010

Music Monday!!

As promised it's My Life...In Music Monday! My first video is going to be a song that has goten me through a world wind of things. The video still makes me cry but the song is so meaningful. It's for anyone that's ever had problems with confidence, self esteem, acceptance, love, and support. So, it's basically for everyone. I love the video because it has a variety of stories that alot of people can relate to, even myself. No matter what alot of Christians think Kirk Franklin really says alot with his music. I love this song and video, it's genius and it sends a message. It helps you to think about God even in your darkest hour. So here's my music pick of the day: Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin. Enjoy!

Real Introduction...In Blog

Good morning people! :D

It's 5 AM and I'm wide awake! Anyway, this is my true introduction! The start of something new! I'm excited about this blog. I think I really need one at this point in my life. I have so many thoughts running through my head on a daily basis that I think alot of people can and will relate to.

My Life...In Blog is pretty self explanatory. It's an in-depth, personal, therapeutic thing for me to post. I decided to start this blog when I realized I had so much to say and not enough time to say it and sometimes not enough courage to say it out loud. I've always been a memoir kind of person. I started a journal when I was about 8 years old, although it wasn't consistant, it was definitely a release for me. Writing is my form of expression as an artist expresses himself on a canvas. I hope to move the world one day with only a pen and paper. Writing is my life.

The purpose of this blog is mainly just fun and entertainment. To let you into my world on a daily basis. My life isn't that interesting, or interesting at all but there will be more things here than me talking about myself.

I've actually came up with a schedule of things to post on certain days. I'm not an organized person so they definitely aren't set in stone. I don't keep routines well, Lol. You're going to see all of these on various days, but I'm hoping by organizing it, it'll make it easier for me to post everyday. So here it goes:

Mondays - My Life...In Music (This will consist of music videos that I love and songs that I've loved over the years. I love music and I have such a variety of genres that I love so there won't be just one style of music here.)

Tuesdays - My Life...In freelance (This is just free falling. Nothing specific here.)

Wednesdays - My Life...Giving Advice (These are my days to answer advice questions and any other questions I've been asked through the day, on the net, etc. Basically, it's Question Day!)

Thursdays - My Life...In Freelance (Thursdays are generally busy for me, so I know I won't post alot. It's a free day!)

Friday - My Life...In Words (A great way to end my week, The title is as fits. My life in words. It'll be my deep thoughts over the years. Not just what I'm feeling at the moment.)

Saturday & Sunday - OFF! (Of course, I may post something but it won't be much. I may save these two dates for short stories! Ooooh)

That's the tentative schedule. How well I follow it is still a mystery.

Lastly, I would like you reading this to add my Facebook account. It is THE best way to get in touch with me if needed. Here's the link:!/profile.php?id=100000174037279