April 8, 2010

My Life...In Relationships *cringe*

I've been in a lot of relationships. I consider a friendship a relationship because you're relating to someone in a way that friends relate, if that makes sense. Although I haven't been in many close, personal relationships I believe I am quite educated on the dating game because I've seen lots of them come and go. There's this one particular relationship that's been bothering me for a while now. It ended due to my stupidity and temporary shallowness. I would love to apologize to this person in person, but for now I'll just blog about it, to get it off my chest for a while.

He was an all around great person. He was smart, talented, talkative, funny and just a nice guy. I met him through a friend who was quite popular with the opposite sex. After a couple weeks we were friends and talked quite a bit. At school and on the net. It was a fun friendship, to say the least. Secretly, when I originally met him I had a huge crush on him. After we became friends I let those feelings subside so we could just be friends. Months passed by and we became closer, and our conversations became more in-depth, which made my prior feelings resurface. I liked him and I wanted him to know. I was debating for weeks whether or not to tell him even though he was totally into someone else. So, one day after school we were talking and the wind was blowing so lightly, the sun shining brightly, and the birds chirping cheerily, it was the perfect day. He came over standing close to me talking about something I can't remember. Then all of a sudden it happened...

I smelled something foul, and gross. One of my biggest turn offs is bad breath and oh my gosh did he have it. I tried to hold my breath but he was so close to me I couldn't ignore it. I was so mad because besides his breath he was pretty much perfect. The next day came around and I couldn't take it. I was just annoyed with trying to avoid his breath (And he talked a lot!!) and everything. So, I started to become very rude, I'd stop talking to him and told him to leave me alone and get away from me.

God, I feel so bad about that. I should have never said those things and been that rude. After I did it, I regretted it and wanted to apologize but still I couldn't I was too ashamed. I didn't see him for a while and the next school year was so awkward. I'd see him and he just wouldn't say anything to me after we had shared so much. I deserved it and I know I did but all in all I still missed him and our conversations.

Nowadays, he's completely changed it seems for the worse. He looks better, but I can't help but think if he changed because of me. Did I bring on this change? Besides his breath, nothing was wrong with him and then he just starts to change. I don't know...I just feel responsible for it. Maybe after me being such a B-word towards him he felt insecure and mad him want to re-evaluate himself. I hope not.

Really, I want to apologize to him. For making him feel bad, and just for being so rude, mean, and shallow. I don't know if he even thinks or cares about this but I just feel the need to apologize. I think about it quite frequently and makes me sad. He's a great person and a really great guy who deserves a good person in his life. Hopefully, he realizes that his old personality was better than his new personality. I also hope that one day we could be friends again or even civil.

Thanks guys for reading. I'd appreciate if you'd not ask me to mention names. If he reads this, he should know that it's him I'm speaking of. If you're not sure (lol) please message me via Facebook and I'll let you know :)


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