April 12, 2010

My Life...In Venting!!!

Ok, so I promised myself that I'd be totally honest with this blog and I'm keeping my promise so here it goes.

I'm really upset, angry, pissed, and just mad because of one particular thing. I know there are more important things in life that I should worry about but I've been dealing with this for 18 years and 10 months of my life!

The saying goes: "There's someone for everyone" which is true but there's NO ONE for me! There's someone for everyone but me! It's so sickening and it just make me mad. Maybe I have pushed away a couple of relationships, MAYBE, but still. I keep trying to justify being single since forever but I can't. People say you have to go through a few bad frogs before finding your prince, but I haven't been through any frogs! I hope I don't have to go through heart break and maybe I'll be blessed enough to find my prince in one shot.

I also know that it's God's will. I'm sure whatever or whoever he has in store for me is what's best. I just need a sign that there is really someone in store for me...This guy must be just like me because he's super late (I'm never on time for anything) and I'm patiently waiting. Maybe there is no one out there, just maybe I'm meant to be single forever. Maybe God wants me to become a nun, maybe. Maybe he wants me to be a dominant female figure that doesn't need a man, maybe. UGHHHHH. Maybe I should just focus on my life, school, my family, and work and worry about a relationship later, maybe yes.

The weird thing about this is, I'm scared. I'm scared of a relationship. Will I be interesting enough? Funny enough? Smart enough? Attractive enough? Talkative enough? I'm scared of all of this, I'm definitely going to be myself, I'm not changing in order to not be single. That's just crazy, too many girls do that and once they'e too far in, there's no turning back.

Maybe it's simply because I'm not ready...I just don't know. I should work on myself before anything else. Then there are people just like me and still have a significant other. SMH...I'm lost. They say when you least expect it, that's when it comes, well I'm easily surprised and at this point I'm not expecting anything. So, come on lover, wherever you are. I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready (In Spongebob's voice). I'm going to stop thinking about it, and live for the moment.

*Sighs* If he doesn't show up by this week and if there isn't at least a sign that he's out there, I'm so becoming a nun.

1 comment:

  1. I feel for you, but at less than 19 years, you haven't even begun to scratch the surface of life. When you reach my age, 59, have failed relationships and marriages, find yourself alone with little or no prospects, THEN mourn. Don't look for a "relationship." Let it come to you. Be patient, 18 years goes by like a summer's afternoon to one of my age.