December 12, 2010

In Memoriam of My Paw Paw

I feel really sad, I know I shouldn't, I'm blessed with so many things but I can't help it. Besides, as humans it's impossible to feel joyful all the time, unless you're constantly doped up, or a kid with absolutely no worries in the world.

My grandfather has Alzheimer's. It's such a debilitating disease that affects alot of people in different ways. My grandfather has reverted back to childhood. He whines, he can't take his meds, he can't bathe, he can't do anything without someone telling him to do it. He's also violent natured, if he doesn't want to do something he wants to physcally fight and fuss.

He was diagnosed a couple years ago and at first there weren't any major changes, but now, he's different every week. Every week he seems to be more dependent, every week he forgets how to do something, every week it's something new. God, how I miss my old Paw Paw. He's soooooo different...The old Paw Paw who gave me hard candy everyday seems so distant. He's here physically, but mentally he's packed up and gone away.

Alzheimer's has no cure, once it starts it keeps spiralling downhill. My great aunt, said that my great grandmother, and great uncles had it and once they started changing every week like my grandfather is, they died within a couple months. The thought of that is scary and so heartbreaking.

But now, my mama, aunt, and uncles have decided to put him in a nursing home. A NURSING HOME! My Paw Paw is going into a nursing home. His house IS my second home, and even though the house will still be there, my Paw Paw won't. I know he needs it, because he could hurt himself, and he's really not taking care of himself. My mama tries as hard as she could, but no one else is trying to help him or us out, not even her brothers and sister.

I can't even fathom the idea of seeing him in a nursing home. It hurts to even think about it.

December 4, 2010

Revised Life Plan

YES! I've changed my major, again. I started out with Biology, then Psychology and now finally I'm ending with English. I'm actually really happy. I've always been fond of English, it's my forte. I understand it, I can engulf myself in it. Alot of people think "Oh English? You want to teach?" Well, this is going to be my stepping stone to get where I actually want to be. My revised life plan came along with some careful, deep, and long thinking. I had so many conflicts within myself at first, until, I just decided to do it. Here's my new plan:

1. Obtain my BA in English
2. Become certified to teach in a couple months
3. Teach high school English
4. Obtain my Master's in Psychology while teaching (Most school systems have some sort of tuition reimbursement program that help to fund getting a Master's.)
5. Quit teaching a year after I get my Master's
6. Become a Psychologist

Not only will teaching get me where I want to be, but I'll also have two life experiences. Once most people get their degree, they stick to one kind of job for the rest of their life, and I think that can be boring. With this kind of plan I'll have variety in my life. I can help kids, then help other's with mental or life problems. Either way, I'm helping mankind, which is what I want to do.

Another reason why I do want to become a teacher is because I know I can be a different, better kind of teacher. In high school my English teachers weren't really passionate. They didn't make it interesting and colorful, nothing really! I don't want to be friends with students, I want to intrigue them, interest them in English, Literature and writing.

All in all, I hope my plan works out. I KNOW it will, I have faith.