December 12, 2010

In Memoriam of My Paw Paw

I feel really sad, I know I shouldn't, I'm blessed with so many things but I can't help it. Besides, as humans it's impossible to feel joyful all the time, unless you're constantly doped up, or a kid with absolutely no worries in the world.

My grandfather has Alzheimer's. It's such a debilitating disease that affects alot of people in different ways. My grandfather has reverted back to childhood. He whines, he can't take his meds, he can't bathe, he can't do anything without someone telling him to do it. He's also violent natured, if he doesn't want to do something he wants to physcally fight and fuss.

He was diagnosed a couple years ago and at first there weren't any major changes, but now, he's different every week. Every week he seems to be more dependent, every week he forgets how to do something, every week it's something new. God, how I miss my old Paw Paw. He's soooooo different...The old Paw Paw who gave me hard candy everyday seems so distant. He's here physically, but mentally he's packed up and gone away.

Alzheimer's has no cure, once it starts it keeps spiralling downhill. My great aunt, said that my great grandmother, and great uncles had it and once they started changing every week like my grandfather is, they died within a couple months. The thought of that is scary and so heartbreaking.

But now, my mama, aunt, and uncles have decided to put him in a nursing home. A NURSING HOME! My Paw Paw is going into a nursing home. His house IS my second home, and even though the house will still be there, my Paw Paw won't. I know he needs it, because he could hurt himself, and he's really not taking care of himself. My mama tries as hard as she could, but no one else is trying to help him or us out, not even her brothers and sister.

I can't even fathom the idea of seeing him in a nursing home. It hurts to even think about it.

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