December 18, 2011

Opinion of the Movie Norbit

As I was looking through an old (and dusty) collection of CD's I found a CD that purchased back when I was a freshman in high school. As I skimmed through the tracks, one familiar song came blaring through the speakers: "Don't Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls. Back in 2005, I loved the song but nowadays it's loosely associated with a movie that I quite frankly can't stand.

[spoiler alert]
Norbit, a movie released in 2007, was written by and stars Eddie Murphy. It highlights the miserable life of a shy, innocent guy engaged to a large, loud, egotistical, obnoxious, and outspoken female named Rasputia (Murphy in a fat suit). As I mentioned, life with Rasputia is just horrible, she's overbearing, mean, disrespectful, selfish, and not to mention a very big girl which supposedly makes things worse. As Norbit has just about reached his peak with Rasputia, he has a chance encounter with his old high school crush, Kate (Thandie Newton). She's a kind, caring, loving, beautiful, and thin female.

The point of the whole movie was to make the audience laugh, after all it is an Eddie Murphy movie. However, I can't help but to wonder why wasn't the theme reversed? Overweight people already get enough fat jokes created about them, why couldn't this movie be more positive? Rasputia could have been the kind, caring, loving, beautiful female while Kate was the total opposite. In fact, most fat people aren't Rasputia like due to confidence issues, so it wasn't even true to life. Eddie Murphy's perception or vision of fat people is unnerving, annoying, and damning (The Klumps, anyone?). The movie could be equally funny even with the roles reversed.

I think Murphy was trying to say that personality matters most when it comes to relationships, but he totally over shot his target IF that's what he wanted the audience to get from the movie. If personality is what he was trying to highlight, then the roles of Kate and Rasputia should've been reversed. Instead, he's making it seem as if personality and beauty are one in the same. The thinner and prettier the person is, the nicer they'll be and that's definitely not true.

Fat men are portrayed more positive than fat women, which I find odd. Even if you compare Murphy's The Nutty Professor with Norbit, it's very evident. Sherman was a nice gentleman even though he was a big guy.

I'd just love to see more movies where the 'big girl' is the protagonist, the heroine, the beauty, the crush, the object of desire. Not butt of the jokes, mean or loud, but graceful and beautiful. ~

November 30, 2011

Writing Again...

Ok so after next week I'll be COMPLETELY done with the Fall semester. AMEN! So I'm writing again. It's going to actually be a fiction piece. I'm bad with titles, so as of now it's title-less. It's (of course) a romance type deal with a little dramatic twist. Based on my last post entitled Soldier Dreamin', I saw that you guys really liked that one (based on the pageviews/hits it received), so it's kind of coming from that in a sense. I'll tell you guys what it's about, or at least what I've come up with. Story idea copyrighted by ME. You have no permission to reproduce it or use it in ANY way, or you're sued my friend :) Anywho...

The story is about a man (I'm bad with naming characters as well so they're all nameless). Not just any man, a Marine. Before his deployment he's set to marry this girl who he's known for a long time. They're perfect and happy and just so much in love prior to his deployment. She's basically the only real family that he's had over the years. His father died in combat 20 years earlier, when he was just an infant and his mother abandoned him when he was 16. By the time he returns from his tour 18 months later, the wedding is all set and it's taking place within the next couple weeks. But when he meets up with an old high school friend his feelings for his fiance' are shaken and stirred. Since he's returned to the states he sees things and people in a new light, his friends, family, even his beloved fiance'.

I'm still not even exactly sure what point of view I'm going to take. I could speak through him, his fiance', or his old friend. Decisions, decisions.

November 27, 2011

Reliving My Childhood Through Music

OMG! Last night I spent over 4 hours looking up old 90's and early 00's songs! It brought me back to a simple time when things were so peachy and everything was joyous. It brought tears to my eyes, I miss that time SO much.

Not only do I miss my childhood, I miss the 90's culture in general. The music was GOOD and fun, nowadays music is nonsense and except for a few good new artists, it sucks. As a kid I wasn't allowed to listen to rap and I'm actually so thankful for that restriction. I got a chance to listen to so many other genres, it helped me to become a well rounded person and I developed my love for pop music, which might not have happened if I only listened to rap/hip-hop and R & B.

Put me in a time time capsule and transport me back to 1998, I want to relive those carefree, savored moments! Here are some videos/songs that I still love to this day. They also bring back fond memories of slap bracelets, my first real crush, boy bands, cargo pants, Lisa Frank school supplies, wind suits, careless summers, neon colors, and Zoog Disney.

WARNING: 90's/early 00's nostalgia ahead :) I love them all equally!

November 26, 2011

Soldier Dreamin'

I always have weird and vivid dreams. Generally they aren't scary or nightmares but just weird. The other night I had a weird dream, and it was actually sort of scary. It even dealt with someone I hadn't seen in a couple years, except on Facebook. This guy, who I've known for years since we attended some of the same schools, recently went to Iraq or Afghanistan. Not for the hell of it, but because he's in a branch of the Armed Forces.

In my dream I was hanging out somewhere, like a store. I was sitting and I saw this tall guy come in. He looked almost dead. He was pale, and his skin had a gray-ish white tone, totally different from his usual tanned skin. He looked rough and so frail. He just looked like death. He went over to the counter and asked the woman who was there a question that was inaudible to me. He looked familiar to me from a distance but I wasn't sure if it was actually him.

The woman at the counter couldn't help him with whatever he was inquiring about so he started to walk away still rambling. I got up and walked over to him and he started asking and talking about drugs. I asked him if he remembered me and he said he did even though he was confused and somewhat disoriented. I told him that he didn't need drugs, that he needed to get clean because he looked horrible but he just kept talking while I half way listened. After a few minutes he just hugged me and said he had to go. In my conscious mind I wanted to say something, I wanted to stop him, but in the dream I just watched him walk away. As he stumbled away I thought about how much I cared for him and started to cry. I hated seeing him like that. I was overwhelmed with my feelings for him that I just couldn't stop crying...Then I woke up. I think it was one of the scariest dreams I've ever had. If it were to happen in real life, I think I'd be even more emotional than I was in my dream.

A lot of my dreams tend to come true. I have Deja Vu A LOT. Probably more than the average person. This is one dream I hope never comes true!

November 25, 2011

Fat Girl Perk 5429

There are many, many perks as it relates to being a big girl...One of them happens to be a woman's dream. No woman wants people to notice they've gained weight (unless they're an athlete building weight/muscle or a professional 'gainer'), no matter how obvious it may be.

How many sitcom episodes have you seen where a female attends one of those class reunion things? She either doesn't want to go because she's gained weight or wants to go to see who got fat. Well my friends, us lifelong fat girls don't have to worry about that. When I was in high school I was always big, so 20 years later if I've gained a couple measly pounds no one would notice. On the other hand, if the 110 pound star cheerleader gained 10 pounds over the years everyone would notice.

Even on Facebook it's noticeable. I was talking to a friend from high school who was randomly browsing former classmates' pages. Every other profile after another I'd hear her blurt out "Ooooh, this girl has gained some weight!". It's 100 times more noticeable when smaller girls gain weight. Thank gravity and angled Facebook profile pictures I guess.

Fat Girls - 1 Skinny Girls - 0. BAM!

November 20, 2011

69 Questions About Yours Truly

I got these from an old Myspace website. Remember when we all did those surveys and posted them on our bulletins during the late 'Myspace days'? Ha. Just reliving my glory days! Copy and paste to your own blog and answer them if you'd like :)

1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be?

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
-Yes! I work at a library and I hate it when people don't place their unwanted books in the designated areas, so I empathize with the cart pushers! :)

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
-Definitely listener. I love to listen!

4. Do you take compliments well?
-Sorta, kinda, maybe. I don't know. It really depends on who it's coming from. If it's from a random person I'm always suspicious. I never believe them. I have my reasons why.

5. Do you play Sudoku?

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
-As long as I have food, water, paper, pencil, hell yeah. Lol. I don't mind being alone.

7. Do you like to ride horses?

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
-Lol no. My mom always wanted me to be a girl scout but...Yeahhh.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
-Heads up, seven up at school! So fun. Lol. And musical chairs for some reason. I know I'm a dweeb.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
-Oh hells no. That's so low and beneath me.

11. Have you lied to get out of a date?
-Yes. My fear of relationships has gotten me out of lots of dates.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
-Depends. Not an atheist or agnostic though, we could always be friends! :)

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
-To be pursued *shy smile*

14. Use three words to describe yourself?
-Crazy, curvy, cool

15. Do any songs make you cry?
-My word, yes indeed! Too many to list.

16. Are you continuing your education?
-Yep, hopefully I'll have my BA in 2013!

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
-Nope, never tried and I don't even want to try. I hate guns.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
-My mama

19. How often do you read books?
-Very often. I try to read something everyday. Not even a book, but even a magazine, or a blog, articles or something.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
-Past dweller.

21. What is your favorite children's book?
-Too many to list. I have so many.

22. What color are your eyes?

23. How tall are you?
-5ft4...I wish I were a little bit shorter.

24. Where is your dream house located?
-I don't know really.

25. Do you have a secret fetish?

26. Have you tried sushi?
Never. Have you tried pickled pig lips?

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
-Haha, yessir.

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
-About 10 years ago.

29. Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend?

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
-From my bed to the bathroom.

31. What was your favorite job?
-I've only had one thus far, and I like it.

32. Do you like mustard?
-Ugh NO way. Hate it. It has the evil power to ruin one's sandwich.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
-I look exactly like my mama.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
-Around 35 minutes on average.

36. Can you do the splits?
-Yerp. I can do all kindsa tricks.

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
-Tower Heist!!

38. If you could fast forward your life, would you?
-Nope. I used to when I was a young teen. But not anymore.

39. What did you do for New Year's?
-Popped bottles. Flirt with the hoodrats, then popped models.

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
-Never seen it boo.

41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?\
hm. Not really. Nice movie though!

42. Do you own a camera phone?
Uh, yeah! Can't you tell this is from the Myspace age? lol.

43. Have you ever been kissed?
-Nope I haven't. I just imagine what it's going to be like. I am VERY OCD about breath and spit. I hate smelling breath even if it's 'fresh' and I hate spit so, yeah, my first kiss is going to be weird. Lol. The Lord knows me, that's why my first kiss has been delayed.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
-Lol no.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?

46. Do you like your middle name?
- I wuv it.

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
-On a normal night like between 4 and 6 hours.

48. Do you like care bears?
-Not really...

49. What do you buy at the movies?
-Tickets! All that other nonsense is uncalled for and much too pricey.

50. Do you know how to play poker?
._. *pokerface*

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
-I try to. But I'm always rushing/late so it never really works out.

52. What do you wear to sleep?
-Pajammie Jams. Hoe.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
-Nothing really that I consider big.

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
-Two on average.

55. Is your tongue pierced?

56. Ever meet anyone you met on myspace?
-Why yes, yes I have.

57. Do you read myspace bulletins?
-Haha, not since like 2007.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?

59. Ever been to L.A.?
-What do you think?!

60. Did you eat a cookie today?
-Why yes, yes I did.

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
-Haha. No?

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
-Seriously I pay for all my music. I'm an artist and would hate if someone got my hard work for free.

63. Do you hate chocolate?
-Dark chocolate and mint chocolate, yes.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
-Nothing really. I'm out of my angsty teenage years.

65. Are you a gullible person?
-Kinda sorta.

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
-No lol. I've never had one and I'm always pretty happy. I have so many other things in life to be happy about.

67. If you could have any job what would it be?
-High school English Lit. teacher.

68. Are you easy to get along with?

69. What is your favorite time of day?
-After 11 PM but before 4 AM.

November 17, 2011

November 13, 2011

Someone Like You - Story VLog

1. I'm actually quite ill in this video. Sorry if I seem distant.
2. Sorry for all the "um-ing" and for looking down so much. lol. I was reflecting...
3. Sorry if the accent was annoying. I loved doing it lol.

I forgot to give you guys a little background info. I had a huge, gigantic crush on this person and along with the help of a friend, I built up the courage to speak with him and it just took off from there and flowed like poetry. I tried playing difficult but he opened me up pretty easy <3. The feelings were mutual, even after I messed up, he tried to rekindle what was left of the flame, but me being such an IDIOT, I continued to blow him over. Back then when he was like he was, I was the only person going gaga over him. Now, he's changed and he's a hot topic. YOU BELONG WITH ME *Taylor Swift voice*. Bleehhhhh. I just want him happy, really. Even though I show some hope at the end of the video, I know the 'new' him would never go for someone like me, so...

Moving on...

November 10, 2011

Cater to...Who?

Today I was driving and had my iPod connected to my car stereo. It was on shuffle, and out of the blue "Cater 2 U" by Destiny's Child [video below] starts to play. I love the feel of the song, because it has a nice sensual feel and sets a nice mood, but the lyrics are bothersome. I know as a woman you're supposed to be submissive in regards to your man (husband, not boyfriend) but, isn't there a such thing as going overboard? In Christianity, you're supposed to always submit to your husband and follow his lead no matter what because he's the man, but that's a hard pill for me to swallow. Maybe it's because I'm a naturally dominant person, but I cannot see myself submitting totally to my man's every need. I understand the cooking, cleaning, through sickness and in health vow but feeding, bathing, brushing hair, foot rubs, manicuring, and sex whenever HE wants it is TOTALLY out of the question. I'm not his personal assistant, I'm his wife and BOTH of our needs should be satisfied, not just his. It's different if he's sick or something, but just for the hell of it, no way.

In the song Kelly sings "...Whatever I'm not fulfilling another woman is willing". In my opinion, if you have to kill yourself and just completely live your life based on his needs and just existing to make him happy, it's not worth it, let him go. I wouldn't want a relationship where I couldn't breathe, live, or think without him and that's exactly what they're singing about. Beyonce even sings, "My life would be purposeless without you" REALLY? I just think most of the song is unrealistic and sending out the completely wrong message. The saddest part is that most females do this stuff for their boyfriends and not their husbands. I'm more open to the idea of catering to your husband rather than your boyfriend. I've said this before, but I'll say it again: If you're giving him all the perks of a marriage while you're still in the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' phase why would he ever want to get married?

I want to accept and love my man for who he is, and I want him to do the same. I don't want him to love me solely because of the nice things that I do for him and vice versa. Eventually, I'm going to get old and the foot rubs, manicures, and sex on request isn't going to happen, do we just go our separate ways then?

Like in the movie "Coming to America", Hakeem (Prince of Zamunda) could pick any woman he wanted, a woman who would do anything for him, even act like a dog on command. This woman was raised JUST to make him happy, but he knew that a relationship like that wouldn't hold substance. I know it's only a movie, but it demonstrates a good point. We shouldn't look at a partner and think "Hmm...What can he do for me?". That's not love it's an entrapment.

November 9, 2011

November 8, 2011

All White Males Will Be Extinct Come 2015

Call it a prediction, hypothesis, or prophecy but I see it coming. Of course by extinct I don't mean to vanish off of the face of the earth *sigh of relief*, but I mean that every white male will be 'claimed' or 'taken' by 2015. Why? White guys are a hot commodity these days. Just look at the statistics: Asian women prefer white males over other Asian males. White females prefer white males over other ethnicities. Black women are dating and marrying white men now more than EVER and with more black males being imprisoned now more than ever, who blames them? I see a trend here people. I'm not saying white males are superior to other races, but I'm saying that the research is suggesting that: 1. White guys are flying off your local shelves 2. White people need to get to work and pop out more babies to prevent this national crisis.

They're climbing in your windows and snatching yo' people up trynna take 'em so ya'll need to hide your white men...

October 16, 2011

Emotions...Taking Me Over

Is it really possible to run out of tears? I think I'm going to be out of tears by the time I'm 30. I cry for everything. The smallest thing brings tears to my eyes. Yesterday, in class, we watched a movie and I cried buckets of tears. My desk was wet with tears! It was sad but such an amazing story.

Tonight, I started crying thinking about the idea of falling in love while listening to the radio. JUST THE IDEA made me cry. I heard about one of my former teachers who passed away. I didn't know the cause of her death until one of her neighbors told me. I cried just knowing what kind of pain she went through. I cry at weddings and funerals. I've seen 100,000 romantic comedies and I've cried while watching each of them.

I know I'm overly emotional. Everything touches my heart in a deep way. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad. Tears are supposed to be for special moments. When I get married, I'm just not going to wear makeup I KNOW I'm going to be crying the whole time. When I have a child, I'm going to be crying every day. When that child goes to school, I'm going to cry, when he graduates, more tears. Sigh. Is it bad to be so emotional? I'm not depressed or anything, I've always been like this. I cry more tears of joy than sadness.

I do have a lot more compassion for others than most, and it's mostly due to my emotions. I feel empathy and sympathy for everyone, which helps me to be a giving a person. Thinking about it now, I think my emotions shape me as a person, my tears open my heart to love and hospitality.

I don't know...God made me this way for a reason. I think He is actively working, preparing and molding the perfect person for me, which is why I have never been in a real relationship. I used to always think it was a bad thing (to not have been in a real relationship), but the Lord knows my delicate heart, He knows that a bad relationship would kill me emotionally. I just hope I'm right about this...

October 8, 2011

Being Approached vs. Not Being Approached

Hello everyone! :)

I KNOW it's been forever and a day since I've posted something but I have been amazing occupied with school, work, and life in general. So, now I'm back, at least for a little bit!

Over the past few weeks, I've been observing and thinking...What's better: Being approached or not being approached? What brought on this question? Two separate scenarios that happened to me. One day I was at work and as I casually scanned the lobby, this guy was looking in my direction. I didn't pay it much attention and just glued my eyes to the computer screen. About a minute or so later, the same guy comes up to the desk and tells me how I caught his eye and how he wanted to get to know me and all that jazz. I thought it was really, really, really sweet that he came up to me so nicely, but I wasn't interested. I hated turning him down because I know how much courage it takes to come up to someone like that, but I have my reasons.

On the other hand, I've seen guys just look at me and kind of stare. Demonstrating some kind of interest. The thing that I hate about this kind of approach is that it feels stalker-ish. At first it's cool and fun, a little eye flirting here and there but after awhile it's sort of annoying. And you don't really know if the person is into you. Maybe they're just checking out your outfit, maybe you have something between your teeth, or maybe that person is just nosey as hell. Honestly, I hate being stared at, it makes me feel uncomfortable, it feels like I'm being criticized rather than being checked out. But I know some people personally who love this kind of indirect approach, just staring for each other. In fact, some people have fallen in love JUST by watching each other. Some people have a 'staring relationship' for MONTHS at a time (especially if they frequent a common place) without speaking a word and physical appearance isn't even a main factor.

Check out this music video by Amerie. I LOVE this song, it pretty much describes what a 'staring relationship' is...

So, which way do you prefer? Do you enjoy the pick-up lines, small talk, and exchanging numbers? Or do you prefer the subtle, 'watching me while I'm watching you' approach?

September 21, 2011

The Biggest Loser (Rant)

The Biggest Loser --

In case you missed it, The Biggest Loser is a reality TV show that helps overweight/obese people lose weight to become allegedly happier and healthier. It's had a long run thus far, over 5 years and thousands of pounds later, they're still kicking. The show is supposed to be motivational and inspiring for the audience, and that is the exact opposite of how I feel after watching an episode. Especially a season premiere.

The show generally starts off somewhat positive. Everyone has their own reason for losing weight whether it's to achieve a state of 'beauty' or to be able to play with their kids without being literally weighed down by their size or to just win the cash prize and fame at the end. Either way everyone has a goal and a reason. The show then makes a sharp turn from positive to just sappy and depressing. The first challenge brings on buckets and buckets of tears AND whining. It makes another sharp turn and becomes more annoying than depressing. I'm not sure if it's all just an act, or what but the constant crying is annoying, and when the tears begin, it's neverending. I watched one entire season a couple years back and every episode involved someone crying! I understand that losing weight is can be a rather emotional experience, but crying just because you want sympathy or because you're in front of a camera is totally unnecessary. It makes us bigger people appear as wimps and whiners. We're already conceived as being vulnerable and lazy. They're only feeding into the stereotype (which leads me to believe that some of the tears and so called emotions are scripted). The contestants act as if they've never seen the show and don't know what to expect. They act as if they've never had to exercise, like it's all completely foreign.

I have not seen one even partially happy fat person on the show to date. The casting folks must make it a goal to only choose people who are depressed and hate their bodies, which is also a BIG misconception. Not all fat people are depressed and sitting in front of a TV eating cake frosting while watching a Richard Simmons video. Some fat people, are happy and even healthy. I see tons of parents who are overweight and still play with their kids, and still consider themselves beauty despite their size.

I'm tired of the negativity that the Biggest Loser presents to their viewers. Just because it's 'reality TV' doesn't mean that it's truly 'real'.

September 20, 2011

September 4, 2011


Sitting in a small closet.
On the carpeted floor.
The door is closed.
Everything mute.
Just me and God, no one else.
I feel free, I feel liberated, emancipated.
I can scream my deepest, darkest secret.
I can sit in silence and not say a thing.
Either way, I have a choice.
I sit there, one hour, then two. I look around. It's a warm, cozy room.
There's clothes, shoes, and junk scattered about everywhere.
Those shoes, I haven't worn in months.
I feel a draft.
I think it's God, he wants me to focus on the task at hand.
I sit there again, my mind blank.
I sit there until sitting has become a bore.
I want to say something, but I don't know what.
"I have everything I want. I need not ask for more. I am happy." I say.
Mama always said God knows a lie.
I want to get up, and walk out of that closet, but I feel an urgency that warns me to stay. I can say anything I want, but I choose not to.
I am free, I am liberated, emancipated but still I sit there in shackles.
I start to sob, I don't know why. Or do I?
I sit there, sobbing and as my tears fall, my deepest most personal prayer begins to emerge. I buried it so long ago, I forgot it was there.

"I WANT TO BE LOVED, I WANT TO BE LOVED, I WANT TO BE LOVED." I scream. I chant those five words loudly, like a proud song.

A few minutes more, the dust settles, and all is well. For now. I get off of the floor, and dust off my dress pants. I've been away from the festivities for hours now. I head back downstairs, there's turkey and cornbread dressing in the air. Nothing beats Thanksgiving dinner. House is packed to the max, with the people I call family, friends...And all I want is to be loved.

August 28, 2011

Tip on Growing Your Nails

Is anyone trying to grow their nails? I really don't think there's a true 'hidden trick'. There are hundreds of YouTube videos and blog articles on growing your nails but in my opinion they're all made up.

The picture above was taken in July and my nails are longer and stronger now than back then and all I've been doing is putting on a base coat polishing them. Lots of people on the web say use Biotin, Vitamin A, or Pre-Natal pills and change your diet but that's a tad extreme. I feel sorry for the people actually take random pills that strangers tell them to take, not knowing how it'll affect them, just to get long nails.

Patience is a virtue, good things come to those who wait. I used to bite my nails down to the skin, since I was in Kindergarten and I just stopped biting them for good around March of this year (2011). I used to watch those Youtube videos and I thought I had to change my diet and go out and buy all those pills. I hate taking pills, I'd rather take the pain of a headache rather than take a Tylenol to make it go away, so the vitamin idea went out the window. I just decided to keep them polished and since March I have never went a day without keeping something on my nails even if it's just a basecoat and clear polish.

So, here's my tip to growing longer nails: 1.) Use a good base coat and polish your nails every 5-7 days. That's it! If you truly have problems with growing your nails, consult with a professional FIRST before buying pills of any sort. It doesn't have to be a doctor, some nail technicians have helped their clients grow long, natural nails.

August 13, 2011

What I Want In a Relationship [Quote]

I came across a quote by Nikki Giovanni and basically it sums up how I want my future relationship(s) to be. I've already talked about the things I would like in a relationship in several posts ( *clickable links* Dream Wedding, Love in General, and Waiting for marriage) so there's really no need for me to go into details. I want whatever relationship I get into to be based on this quote:

"We're lovers not because of the love we MAKE, but because of the love we HAVE." - Nikki Giovanni.


August 8, 2011

Letting Go - Request for Advice

A few of my readers have sent me advice emails but now I am in need of advice. I'm asking you, my readers, to help me with a certain situation.

I realize I have a problem. I have a problem letting go. No, it may not seem like a really horrible problem to you, but it is and I hate it. Once I'm hooked on something (or someone) I can't seem to let go emotionally. Not in all cases, but the two most significant relationships in my life revolved around memories and regret that I still have today. I want some things to last forever, I want some things to still have that new car smell twenty years from now. Now I know I'm not clingy, I let things and people go when I have to, but my mind still holds on to the emotions, thoughts, and regrets.

A good example is about this guy that I knew and liked back in high school. I almost got serious about him until my brain went numb (and dumb), I said something stupid, relationship over. This was in high school, at least 4 years ago, my sophomore year, and until recently I've always regret that moment. I thought about him all the time while he probably could care less about me at this point. I feel like I'm the cause he is how he is today. Maybe I'm over-analyzing it, maybe I'm being conceited. I would love, love, love to apologize but after all this time, 4 years of awkwardness, he's really going to think that I'm crazy. Also, the fact that we avoid each other doesn't help either. I just wish I could take it back, I think he was soooo amazing back then, but now he's just a complete 360. I'd love to have our friendship back, and to let him know how immature I was and that I'm not that girl at all. The worst part to me is that if I apologized, he'd just not care, even if I put my heart and soul into it. It's like confronting the kid who bullied you in elementary school, 20 years later. Usually pointless and disappointing.

I don't know, I guess it's just another thing that I absolutely need to work on.

August 1, 2011

July 31, 2011

THAT Video...From 5th Grade

Do you remember that video? The video that we needed a signed permission slip to watch? It was supposed to teach us about health said the permission slip. It must've been written in code, because my mama knew exactly what kind of "health" video they were talking about.

The morning before the scheduled showing of the video, she told me to watch the video carefully and if I had concerns, talk to her about it. I thought it was no big deal, it's just PE on TV. My friends and I initially thought the video was about eating healthy and exercising but to our dismay it was much deeper than that.

A couple hours before recess, the girls were separated from the boys, and we all huddled up in the library, gathered around the TV, waiting for the movie to start. It was about our bodies, periods, pads, panty liners, tampons, and reproduction (where babies come from) and all the icky stuff. I was fascinated by it but a lot of girls were grossed out. Some fell asleep. After the movie, we were all released back to our classes. The boys followed right behind us, their movie was probably from the same production company, only with boy issues rather than girl issues.

It was as if we were sworn to secrecy because NO ONE talked about it. Everyone just kind of moved on with life. Personally, I was excited and wanted to talk about it and discuss it like a book club or something. I was excited! I learned so much, and I was ready to experience the fun moment of getting my period!

As informative as it was, it was a HUGE lie (minus the parts about where babies come from, of course). I watched the video two years in a row (4th and 5th grade). The videos were similar but not identical and told the same lies and I attended to two separate schools my 4th and 5th grade years. Yes it does hurt, yes you do feel it, no it's not fun and interesting. Looking back on it, I think I would've been so much better off by not watching the video. It was such a lie, and once "that time of the month" came along, I was more depressed and scared than excited and happy. I hope they don't show this same video nowadays, hopefully they present a more realistic video with real girls and not actresses or cartoons and none of that snazzy yet corny music. It could be a reason why so many girls are having kids at younger ages, those movies don't captivate most kids, and they nor their parents take it seriously. It's a catastrophe waiting to happen.

July 27, 2011

Sex Before Marriage [Opinion]

I was watching one of my favorite channels on YouTube: SoberMadnessTV and came with the idea to blog about this topic. The channel is owned by a lesbian couple and they post videos about various topics and adventures that that they tackle. Several weeks ago, one of their subscribers asked them what they thought about having sex before marriage. Here's their response:

I actually agree with some of the things that were said. I love this video because they're so honest and open about it and it's always great to listen to other people's opinion.

First off, my parents always told me to wait for marriage. I never got an explanation of why, I was just told wait until after your married, and that's that. When I was a teenager, thinking about sex like every other teenager was I said "Wait, why am I waiting for marriage? Why should I have to wait? Everyone is doing it, but I'm waiting for marriage, just because." I had to do some soul searching. Should I really wait for marriage just because my parents told me to, or should I just do it because it seems so fun and so easy.

I think before you decide if you want to have sex before marriage, you HAVE to know yourself, your heart, your mind, your body, everything. In my teens I learned a lot about myself. I figured out that I was a hopeless romantic. I loved fairy tales and happily ever after endings. I knew every romantic comedy released within the past decade. I figured out that I'm overly emotional, and my feelings are hurt easily. I knew that when I give, I give my all. I could be very insecure with myself but I was not a follower. By the time I was 17, I decided that I HAD to wait for marriage simply because of who I am.

I know in my heart that I will never be able to have such an intimate moment with someone I'm not married to. It's the right thing for me. As stated above in the video, it really depends on the person. I can't be intimate with someone who I'm not already in love with. I just picture myself in that after glow stage, and the guy that I'm with rolling over, turning his back to me and saying "Good job, thanks". I'm such an emotional person, a situation like that would kill me, I know it would. Having sex before falling in love is backwards to me. Like I said, when I give, I give my all. What if I put my all into this relationship, being intimate with this person and whatnot and in the end he still doesn't love me? It's like working and not sure if you're going to get paid at the end of the week.

In the video one of the girls said that a relationship won't last unless both people are 'sexually compatible'. While I think this is absurd, I know that LOTS of people think like this, in fact most people my age probably think this way and it scares me. Because I'm not having sex before marriage, I won't find a good loving relationship with someone? I think if you truly love someone for their personality and you accept what they look like, then why can't you wait until marriage to have sex? I just want to find that one man who agrees with me and sees things the way I see them. Regular people without these beliefs have a hard time finding a soul mate, just imagine how hard it's going to be for me...

I also feel that if you give your all in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, what's to look forward to in marriage? I'm not saying people should get married just to have sex, but if you get everything in the standard package, why would you need to upgrade to the premium package?

So, anywho it really depends on the person when it comes to sex before marriage. If you're a person who's not easily attached to someone and can deal with the fact that the person you're sleeping with may not love you in return, then maybe sex before marriage is your thing...But no one likes heartbreak. I'm glad my parents told me to wait before marriage. Inadvertently, they made me figure it for myself. They never told me to wait for marriage because it's in the bible and if you have sex before marriage you're Satan's child, or anything like that. My belief in God and the Bible also plays a part in why I'm not having sex before marriage, but knowing myself is what made me stand firm on waiting until marriage. There are TONS of Christians that believe in God and the Bible and still have sex before marriage, so sometimes that's not always enough.

If you don't know yourself and you don't know why you're waiting for marriage, it's going to be easy for someone to come along and persuade you to change your mind because you're going to be like I was "I don't know why I'm waiting...And since everyone else is doing it and it looks fun and easy, why not?". Then you may regret doing it. So, know yourself, your mind, your heart, your body, and everything will fall into place. With that being said, I don't think anyone between the ages of 13-16 should be sexually active, no one knows themselves at that age. Sex is EASY but the emotions behind it are hard and sometimes devastating, so think before you stroke it. Lol.

July 24, 2011

July 23, 2011

Amy Winehouse - Back to Black

It's only been 20 minutes since I learned that Amy Winehouse died. I've never really cried over a celebrity, but this time it's different. When you listen to someone's music you feel like you know them, you feel like you're apart of them, and that's how it was with Amy Winehouse. Now she's gone, at age 27. A modern-day Janis Joplin. So much talent and soul such a beautiful artist...But somehow I knew this would happen. I don't know why I'm so shocked. When someone dies, I always think I'm in a dream. For some reason, I never believe it's true, it always takes a few days to settle in. I always think in a couple days, someone's going to say that they're not really dead it was just a sick joke. When reality sets in, it always hits me hard. Even though I know Amy Winehouse is dead, I still don't think she is. In my mind I'm still waiting on her next album. When it really hits me, I hope I'm prepared.

If you know me, you know that my all time favorite album is Back to Black by Amy Winehouse. I remember when I first discovered her on VH1. She was a "You Oughta know" artist. Her first video Rehab came on and I was instantly captivated. She was so different, and her sound was like nothing I'd heard before. When Back to Black came out, I was reluctant to buy it...Would I really like it? I hated buying albums and being disappointed but I was far from disappointed when I heard it. I LOVE every single song on the album, every word, every sound, ALL of it and I still do, I'll always love Amy Winehouse.

I know for the past few years she's been going through some problems. When Rehab came out everyone put her down and said she was just a drug addicted alcoholic. If you really listen to the song it wasn't really about just denying rehab she had her reasons. She said she wouldn't end up like Mr. Hathaway (Donny Hathaway who committed suicide) and I believed she wouldn't...

A few months ago she announced that she was making a comeback. She started a tour in Europe, and was working on a new album. I was so excited, I couldn't wait for another dose of Winehouse. I was optimistic until I read an article about one of her concerts. At her last concert, the crowd of "fans" booed her and threw things at her. That really, really, really upset me. I know that you spend good money on concerts but a true fan would not have done that, I would not have! Just to be in the vicinity of Amy Winehouse would've been enough for me. They said she forgot lyrics and stumbled on stage. A real crowd of true fans would've helped her get through it and sang along with her, filling in the gaps. After that, I just had this feeling. As an artist it hurts your heart and soul when your supposed fans boo you. I know she must've felt tormented. I wonder how those fans feel now? Not only that, she was constantly criticized by the media even when she did try, in the media's eyes she still failed. Even now that she's dead, the media is highlighting her troubles, NOT her music. Her music is what she poured her heart and soul into. Her music was flawless unlike her life...But a good article about a great artist doesn't sell does it?

There will never, ever be another Amy Winehouse...And I can deal with that fact.

July 21, 2011

Missed Connection

I was talking to my friend who I'd told this to and she reminded me of the guy that I hit with my car. I think this was one of the most interesting experiences ever.

This was a while ago, like last summer but I remember it like it was yesterday. I pulled up in front of the Home Depot. I was making a quick run for my daddy who needed some propane since our tank was empty. I quickly got out and went to the automated exchange your propane tank kiosk. Hoping to be done in 5 minutes. It took me 20 minutes to get the stupid machine to accept my credit card (the sales associates were everything except helpful). After 30 minutes of being frustrated and hot due to the heat of the day, I finally exchanged the tank and put the new one in my trunk. I was sweating, angry, and annoyed when I got into the car and shut my door. While mumbling obscenities to myself directed toward the very lazy employees, out of the corner of my eye it seemed as if the heavens opened up, God released the most beautiful angel on earth. I quickly turned to get a full view, and there he was.

I'm always pretty aware of my surroundings but this guy really came out of nowhere. I stared at him but I tried to not be so obvious. He wore a muscle shirt that exposed his chiseled arms, and his body glistened in the sun. He was tall (around 5ft10 to 6ft ) and light skinned, African American. A resemblance to Vin Diesel in fact, but much younger maybe mid 20's. I looked away, I didn't want to be rude. He must've been reading my mind, because as he passed up my car all of sudden he fell on the hood of my car. I could've died, and my facial expression showed it. Even though the car was in park, I thought I hit him! I rolled down my window and he said "Oh man, you hit me!" he was laughing and smiling so obviously he was joking. I relaxed a tad but I was so nervous I couldn't think of anything witty to say in response. I laughed and blushed and said something stupid, but still he laughed with me and kept walking, smiling as he walked away. I acted like such a teen. I was so embarrassed that I was being so lame and that I was sweating and that my hair was frizzy from the humidity, I was about to just speed away until I got a phone call. I took the call and a couple minutes later he came out, apparently he went to the vending machine for a Powerade. As he walked out, he was still eying me and smiled. I wanted to say something but the call was important. Just as fast as he appeared he disappeared at the same rate. I didn't see what kind of car he drove, because I pulled off as he was headed to his car.

I just thought that moment was nice...Maybe he was just being nice, and noticed how much crap I had to put with regarding the machine. Who knows. I haven't seen him since, nor have I seen anyone that looks like him. He didn't even look like a person from Baton Rouge. There was something about the way he looked that made him stand out. When I saw him, everyone else disappeared. I'd love to thank him for brightening my day! I'd love to hit him again one day :)

July 18, 2011

How to do a simple nail design [three]

Corset nail design. Everything should be explained in the video. Still have questions? Shoot me an email or leave a comment. Enjoy! Oh, and if you decide to try this design, send me a picture of it! I'd love to see it!

Materials [explained in detail in the video]:
1. Base coat
2. White polish
3. light/pastel Minty green color polish
4. Glitter polish
5. Black polish with thin brush

July 14, 2011

When I Have Kids...

If you know me, you'd know that I've been against having children for years now. I think kids are cute but they're extremely hard work. Not only the diaper changing, feeding, clothing, bathing, etc. but it's another life that you're going to responsible for until you die. Whatever this baby becomes in life, you're going to be blamed for it, good or bad. Honestly, that scares me. Combined with this and other personal reasons, I decided to not have kids.

I already told my mother to not expect grandchildren - at least not from me, maybe my brother will have some soon. At first my mother played along with me and respected my decision but as I got older, I continued to stick to my word, no kids for Nicollette, ever. Until my mind was changed for me a few months ago.

Now, I don't want to sound all weird and crazy. The moment that I'm about to explain was very profound and spoke volumes, it was a beautiful spiritual moment and it will forever be a moment that'll be embedded in my memory.

I was sitting in class taking notes, half paying attention and half in La La Land. As the teacher was lecturing, suddenly the thought of having a child came to mind. I shook it off and said in my head "Nope, I'm still not having kids." then suddenly I heard a voice. It wasn't my voice, it was a deep, monotone voice. I know it wasn't anyone in the class because there were only three guys in the class and they sat closer toward the back while I sat at the very front. Honestly, before that moment I had never heard that voice that people always speak about. The voice of God. I never expected to hear it at that moment.

He said in a statement "You're going to have a son. You will have a little boy." I didn't question the voice, I just knew who it was, I didn't even argue it. He said it like a stern parent would, you don't argue, just accept it. A few minutes later class ended and I was still dumbfounded. I kept thinking about it, I don't know if I was more shocked or scared. Shocked that I heard the voice and scared because my destiny has already been decided, there's a child already in my future.

Nothing else was revealed to me, but I've had a lot of time to dwell on it. If God will grant me a child, I'll love it with all my heart because not everyone CAN have kids, so I'm tremendously blessed. When I do have kids or a child, I'm going to tell him this story, just to let him know that God had him in the works for years especially for me.

I love my unborn child(ren) already although, I'm not having kids until I'm in love and married. Which may take a while, at the rate that I'm going.


July 12, 2011

Who should play Aretha Franklin in a Biopic?

I heard a few months ago, that there's been talk about a movie based on Aretha Franklin's life and music. It would be something like Dorothy Dandridge, What's Love Got To Do With It, etc. Three actresses are being considered for the once in a lifetime role of Aretha Franklin, they are: Halle Berry, Fantasia, and Jennifer Hudson. Who should be selected for such an honor? Who would portray Ms. Franklin as she should be portrayed?

Jennifer Hudson - J-Hud is an AMAZING singer. She definitely has the voice but does she really have the acting talent? Hudson only has one big movie under her belt, which she did very well in, but after watching her latest music video, she didn't have that actress flair. She seemed awkward and she had an annoying attitude through out the entire video. I know this is only one example, but for an Oscar winner, I expected more.

Halle Berry - First of all, I love Halle Berry. She's such a great, amazing, and talented actress, any producer would be crazy to turn her away. But, unlike J-Hud, Berry can't sing. I personally think the best Biopic movies were with leading actresses/actors who could not sing. For example, What's Love Got to Do With It. Angela Bassett could not sing but her performance was untouchable and flawless. I think it makes it more real, and interesting. Hearing someone else sing the songs takes away from it. Although Why Do Fools Fall In Love was not a Biopic, it did highlight the life of a real singer. Larenz Tate, a non-singer, played Frankie Lymon, who was a singer in the '50s and '60s and did an amazing job...So maybe not being able sing isn't such a big disadvantage.

Fantasia - Fantasia is a really soulful singer, which would coincide with Aretha being called "The Queen of Soul". I think her singing style is somewhat similar to Aretha Franklin's, but Fantasia cannot act. I do think that Fantasia has a 'down home' kind of image. I think if she were a much better actress she could possibly pull it off. She did a show on Broadway a couple years back and maybe she's improved since her biographical Lifetime movie Life is Not a Fairytale. I think Fantasia would play a good young Aretha Franklin (teens, early twenties), but not an older, complex Aretha.

With all this being said, who do I think should play Aretha Franklin in a Biopic? Well...I'd have to say Halle Berry! She's an amazing actress and in my opinion the J-Hud and Fantasia wouldn't be as great. I really wouldn't mind seeing any of them play the role, but I'd prefer to see it go to Halle!


July 11, 2011

Songs That Describe Me - Two

I am so late. I just discovered perhaps one song that describes what I need in a relationship perfectly, yet it was released nearly two years ago. It's called "Crawl" by Chris Brown [video below].

I heard it a couple days ago and I've been in love with it since, because it describes me and how I want, no NEED, my future relationship(s) to be. I don't want to rush love, I don't want to jump in a relationship just to say I did, I want to crawl with someone, I need to crawl otherwise it won't work for me or us. In the song Chris talks about how he moved too slow and inadvertently pushed away his true love. He says that everyone saw that she was the one except him and he was just so busy wanting to be in a relationship but not really knowing exactly what he had. He had a diamond, but he treated her more like a rhinestone. He did love her, but not as much as he should have.

Apparently, the relationship ended and now they're both scared to get back together again. She's scared that he isn't going to take their relationship as serious as he should, and he's scared because he has to learn how to love her the way she needs to be love, amongst other fears and doubts. He has to learn how to be in love, how to give up the single life and be in a good, solid, loving relationship. He has to take the 'baby steps' with her until they're both ready to progress and walk. Then run. Then jump. Then fly. Each time they jump over another hurdle, hopefully the stronger their love for each other will grow mutually.

I think that's the problem with relationships today, everyone is in a rush to be in love or in a relationship yet, hardly anyone knows what they want/need in a relationship. Some people want to be in a relationship but still live a single person's life. Some people want to get married, have kids, a dog, and a white picket fence after a week or two of dating. We're all guilty of being too rushy, or too careless when it comes to relationships at one time or another. You have to step back and reanalyze the whole relationship and find where things went awry. Sometimes there are things in relationships we want but don't need or need and don't have and it's crucial to have a balance in what you need and what you want (with more weight on the 'need' side).

I love this song so much and I really hope whenever I decide to get into a relationship, he'll crawl with me, and we'll crawl together until either our legs break (personification of our relationship falling apart/us breaking up)or until we're flying.


July 10, 2011

What Christians SHOULD Think of Homosexuals

I've thought about this for a long time, but it really hit me when I took my Theology class last semester. I've been a Christian all my life, and generally I know how to approach a lot of situations the Christian way but the topic of Gays/Lesbians/Bi-sexuals is soo touchy.

I remember being 10 or 11 and my mother was talking to this elderly lady that lived a few blocks away. She kept preaching about how it was a terrible sin to be a Gay person, and how they will all 'burn'. I instantly thought "Well since they are such bad people, should we treat them different?". The lady was like a grandmother to me, so saying anything was out of the question. Everything she said was instantly declared a law. No house or senate vote necessary. My mother didn't say anything either, she just listened and smiled politely.

I didn't question my mother, but I pondered about what the old lady said. I know I wasn't raised to treat people mean or different because of their race, religion, or sexual orientation so even though I was convinced that Gays were evil and sinners I vowed to myself to not treat them different. Before, I never had to even think about how to treat a Gay person, and I wasn't going to change my ways. I think my mother knew that she raised me well enough, so she didn't have to talk to me about it...But since then, I've always wondered, as a Christian, what should I think of Gays?

More recently, I was talking to a friend who is deeply spiritual, and some kind of way we ended up talking about Gays and I decided to ask about her honest opinion of Gays. She said in nutshell that as Christians we should accept them as people, but their sexuality is a demon that we should not welcome. We accept them in our lives, to CHANGE them, to make them aware that there is a demon inside of them, and in order to be cleansed of the demon they must join the church and become heterosexual. If they do not want to change, they are no longer welcomed in our lives.

Very interesting idea I thought...But it still didn't seem like a good way to me. I don't know why, but it disturbed me, I really needed an answer that satisfied my heart and soul and what she said didn't. A few days later, I went to my Theology class (I only took it once a week) and I don't know if it was a message from God, but my professor spoke of the same thing that bothered me only a few days prior. Since her message, I FINALLY get it.

As Christians, we should think nothing more or less of Gay people just because of their sexual orientation. As followers of Jesus, we should have an open and welcoming heart to ALL people. We should show hospitality and kindness to all that we encounter, no matter who they may be. Jesus during his time, closely affiliated with the people who were looked down upon. He feasted and partied with sinners, the sick, the lame, and even women (who were considered almost less than dust at that time) and Jesus is/was the Messiah, the chosen one by God. Judging people is just as much of a sin as lying or adultery because it takes away from the love in our hearts. You can't show love and hospitality to someone that you're constantly judging.

So, all of the Christians who judge and look down upon the people who are Gay/Lesbian/Bi-sexual don't have clean hands, they are sinners as well. You don't become friends with someone to change them. Basically that's lying, and leading a person on. If you only become friends with someone to change them, that's still judging them and it's mean. It's like becoming friends with someone and saying "Hey, you know you're just a bit too fat for me to be friends with you, you should really lose weight. Do you want to workout with me?". If that person didn't come to you for help, MAYBE just MAYBE they're happy with who they are.


July 8, 2011

Casey Anthony Trial Reaction

Hey guys, I thought I should chime in on this whole Casey Anthony Trial fiasco. As you all probably know, After a month long trial, Casey Anthony was found not guilty in regards to the death of her daughter Caylee Anthony. As soon as the verdict was delivered by the anonymous juror, the world was in uproar, everyone from farmers to A-list celebrities cried that a murderer has escaped once again (In reference to the infamous OJ Simpson trial).

Well, since everyone feels the need to put in their own reactions, I thought I should post mine. I've had a couple days to think on it and just take in everything that's been going on. Unlike most bloggers, I wanted to have a clear mind when I approached this matter.

Initially when I first heard about all the details of the case, there was absolutely NO doubt in my mind that Casey knew how her daughter was killed. I don't think she did the act herself, but I do think she knows a lot more than what she's saying. Now that the trial is over, and everything is said and done, do I feel that she had anything to do with Caylee's death?

One point that people keep emphasizing is the fact that Casey waited one whole month (thirty days) to report that her daughter was missing and while her daughter was missing, she partied non-stop. Does this make her a killer? Or does this make her an irresponsible, careless, and unfit parent? Just because Casey was a bad parent and made bad decisions, doesn't make her a murderer. There are thousands upon thousands of unfit parents in the United States, yet most of them don't go out and kill their child(ren).

After the verdict was announced, there were people in tears, screaming that there has been no justice for Caylee. I feel that it is a sad case that Caylee is dead and her killer is still out on the loose...But how do we know for a FACT that Casey killed her? No one knows, no one truly knows.

Thirdly, everyone wants to say how stupid the jurors were and evil the defense team (Casey's lawyers) is for defending a murderer. Well, unless you're in their shoes, you can't understand the kind of pressure they were under during those ten hours of deliberation. If anyone should be blamed, It should be the prosecution. I have a feeling that the jurors thought she was involved in some way BUT to take someone's life is a big decision. Especially when there was no hardcore evidence pointing the finger directly at Casey. Most of the prosecution's case was built on circumstantial evidence. The prosecution ONLY sought the death penalty. Not life, not several years, but death was the only option. If the prosecution had put out another option, I believe things would be very different.

Lastly, I'm so sick and tired of seeing and hearing people saying "Casey is going to become famous, get a book deal, a reality show, and make millions." It's simple. If no one buys her book or watches her reality show, she won't be famous. Publishers want people who can bring them money, if Casey doesn't do it, she'll be dropped. Television shows seek ratings, and if the ratings are low, she'll be dropped from television as well. Although, I know we live in a society where media rules, and still people are going to flock to the shelves to buy her book and miss a day of work just to see the premiere of her reality show. Tsk, tsk. Casey Anthony will only become what we let her become. So stop whining about it and just ignore her until she fades away like most infamous people do. The judge, however, should've ruled to make any revenue she may receive from the notoriety of the case, property of the court so she won't make any financial gain from the case. But I am only a citizen, not a judge.

All in all, I do still stand by my idea that Casey Anthony had something to do with her daughter's death. I think the prosecution should've sought a lesser charge instead of going straight for the death penalty. Now that the trial is over the only thing I'd like to hear about Casey Anthony is maybe a retrial in the future. I don't know 100% if she had anything to do with Caylee's death, none of us do, only God knows.

July 5, 2011

How To Do a Simple Nail Design [Two]

These nails are really easy and cute. A quick, less than an hour design if you want something cute for the day or week! They are candy cane nails! The thought of candy canes always makes me think of that refreshing, tingly feeling you get when you bite into a candy cane. YUMMY! :)

Products needed:
[You can use whatever you have if you don't have exactly what I used!]

Base Coat (I used LA Colors Strengthener/Hardener)
Red polish (I used Sinful Colors - GoGo Girl #852)
Glitter polish (OPTIONAL. I used KleanColor - Silver Glitter #27)
White polish with an ULTRA thin brush (I used Kiss Nail Art Paint BUT LA Colors has a line of thin-brush polishes. It's the Art Deco line. LA colors is a lot cheaper and can be found at local dollar stores.)
Top Coat (I used LA Colors - Top Coat)

*You don't have to go out and buy these all at once. It can be pretty expensive. All of these polishes alone will cost around $20 if you do want exactly what I used. Also, I didn't go out and buy these, they were already in my stockpile.


Estimated time (including drying): < 60 minutes

1. Apply BASE Coat.
[Allow to dry 2-3 minutes]

2. Paint nails RED. Allow to dry a tad. After one minute apply another coat.
[Let dry for 5 minutes]

3. Apply a coat of glitter polish. (OPTIONAL)
[Let dry for 7-10 minutes]

4. With the WHITE striper polish, paint two thick lines across your nail diagonally, Like a candy cane. Next, make a super thin line below each of the two thick lines. Add thin or thick stripes as you see fit, but generally each nail should have about 4 lines total. See picture above.[Let dry for 15 minutes]

5. Apply top coast to protect and prolong the longevity of the design.
[Allow to dry until they are completely dried about 15 minutes]

Now you're done! If you'd like to see a video on exactly how to do the design, leave me a comment or shoot me an email. I have a video but wasn't sure if you'd all like it or not. If you have a request, let me know as well.

Good luck! :)

July 1, 2011

At What Age Should We Settle Down?

Is there really a certain age that we should settle down?

I was at work last week and a girl came up to the desk. She was nice, friendly, and talkative. She started saying something about how she just wants to have fun right now, because she's way too young to settle down. I don't know maybe she thought I was older, and felt the need to confide in me, or maybe she needed someone to reassure her ideology. Either way, I didn't respond negatively or positively. I just nodded and smiled. I know she was over 18, but she didn't look over 21. She was my age basically.

This isn't the first time I've heard this, people say it all the time. "I just want to have fun and enjoy life right now, no strings attached." there are even movies based on this same concept. Two young people who are friends with benefits, or who are in a no strings attached sort of thing. Within the past few months, two movies have been released about just that. It must be a common trend amongst the young, unfortunately. The endings are always sweet and romantic, as the two people realize they're in love with each other and live happily ever after. I don't want to have to have random casual sex to find love (it upsets me even more that the media promotes the whole idea that you can't find love without sex, which is only partially true in reality but anyway that's another blog for another day).

Honestly, if the right person came along in my life now, I'd 'settle down'. I mean, why postpone a great future, just because you're young? Do you just have several random flings and short relationships while you're in your 20's and then start to look for serious love in your 30's? I think finding a true love is so much more fulfilling and amazing than several flings. If you love someone deeply, you won't have to pick up someone from the club every weekend.

I do understand that sometimes while we're young, we aren't ready for a serious relationship, because some of us aren't mature...But how do you know if you're not ready for a serious relationship if you've never tried to establish one?

I had a friend who broke up with her boyfriend because she said he was getting too serious. I was blown away, you have a nice guy who's willing to get serious with you, but you throw it all away. Looking back on it now, maybe she was right and I was wrong. If she would've stayed in that relationship, she would never be satisfied with him, because the feeling HAS to be mutual otherwise it's pointless. She did him a favor.

So still, what age should we settle down? Is looking for love now (As I'm in my early 20's) pointless? Since mostly everyone wants to 'have fun' with 'no strings attached'? I guess it's just another factor with love. You just have to be REALLY, REALLY lucky and blessed to find exactly who you're looking for.

June 27, 2011

Chris Brown/BET Awards RANT

Ok, I am really freakin' pissed! Hours after the Production wrapped up at the BET Awards, I began to scour the web, reading articles and blogs about the show. For the most part I am HIGHLY disappointed and disgusted.

I am no BET fan, trust me, but there's so much negativity surrounding it, the negativity that was not being displayed after the Tony's, Emmy's, or Country Music Awards, just to name a few. I know BET really isn't very up to par with those awards shows but still...The worst MTV music awards show didn't get this much negativity.

One article in particular really just pissed me off, I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window. A Yahoo! writer said everything negative that could be said about the show, nothing at all positive. I admit, the show was lame at times but what awards show doesn't have it's own gaffes?

I REALLY wish BET was a better network, I'd stand behind it wholeheartedly, but I just can't stand behind fuckery, I can't. I wish to support my own people in pursuit of positive endeavors, but day by day I only see BET seeping down the drainage. The whole concept should be revamped and Debra Lee needs to be fired.

Next topic: Chris Brown.

I am soooooo tired of people talking about how Chris Brown hit a woman, he should die, he doesn't deserve anything, blah, blah, blah. Prior to the Rihanna situation, I liked Chris Brown but I wasn't a die-hard fan. No matter what his celebrity status is, he's still a perfectly flawed human. I HATE that people hate him and don't know him or the entire situation that he was in regarding Rihanna. Lots of people are nagging at BET because he won the most awards at the show last night. People are saying that he doesn't deserve any awards because of his personal life. He won awards based on his talent, not his personal life. I love the new Chris Brown era, he's so talented and his music is the best yet.

It hurts my heart to see anyone constantly criticized no matter what they may do to make it right and this Chris Brown fiasco is still way out of hand. They act as if he murdered Rihanna and threw her body into a muddy ditch. There's two sides to EVERY story and 98% of the media's story was based on Rihanna's account and that one infamous picture after the dispute. I'm not being biased, I'm being honest. I felt for Rihanna, after the incident and she's been apologized to and repaid IN MILLIONS (Everything Rihanna has spiked since she was the victim, while Chris' caareer suffered). I pray that people just let this go. We're all flawed, we all have our faults, we may not hit people out of anger but we're all sinners. No one is pure in this world.

I really feel sympathy for Chris Brown. Just imagine being in the public eye all your life and no matter what you do, you're still scrutinized in every way. It's like being in school, you put your all into your work and every time you get your work back, there's a big fat "F" on it. Even though you put your blood, sweat, and tears into it. It makes me ad just thinking about it. Imagine how that feels times one hundred.

Leave Chris Brown alone. =I

June 25, 2011

Archive: The Day Michael Jackson Died

Ok, so I REALLY had to dig to find this one. *blows off dust*. When I was over on Myspace, I had this thing on my profile called "Thought of the Moment" or TOTM. It was a special section on my page dedicated for me to blog and post random stuff.

After my previous blog post, I remember posting something about Michael Jackson's death on my page the day he died and this is exactly it! My feelings, thoughts, emotions, everything at the moment is right here. I love reading stuff that was written years ago...Here it is:

Sorry it took me a while to update my page. I've been a lil busy bee lately. Anyway, my TOTM is about Michael Joseph Jackson. Pop legend that passed away a day after my birthday. I'll never forget it. Something told me that something big had happened in the world. You know like an intuition. I watched a few minutes of the news then got up and went to my computer. As soon as I got on MSN I saw that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital. At first I just blew it off because I thought it was something minor that the press was being melodramatic about. A few minutes later I saw on Yahoo! that he had a cardiac arrest. I was like OMG because people who have a cardiac arrest usually don't survive unless they get attention within 2-3 minutes. So then I went on my favorite gossip site (The YBF) and it said he was in terrible condition. I still thought he'd live though. I refreshed the page less than 10 minutes later and I couldn't believe the words "Michael Jackson dead at age 50." I kept scrambling through all the credible news sites that I knew and it said the same thing on all of them. I was shocked, totally. I was a fan. I had his Thriller album plus some on my iPod and I loved it even though it was before my time, that's how great his music was. It didn't really hit me until about 2 days after he died I was listening to "Lady In My Life" and he said "And baby through the years, even when we're old and gray" I just started crying. He didn't even get a chance to be be old and gray. Watching all the videos of him just touched my heart, so many people loved him and now he's gone...There will NEVER be another. I couldn't listen to any of his songs without crying until after the BET awards (Which I wasn't very satisfied with). I kind of felt like it was closure, like a funeral and it made me feel better. What makes me mad about this whole situation ? Joe Jackson trying to promote himself (The day after MJ died Joe was smiling and laughing with the paparazzi), People are more concerned about the drama than the actual death of MJ (Trying to figure out how much money he had, how much debt he was in, how big of a custody fight there will be, etc.), and people saying "Oh I'm glad that child molester in dead!" (STFU. He was acquitted on all charges and even then we have no right to judge him. Only God can. No one will know the truth of the matter because people are dishonest especially for money). STOP THE MADNESS, PLEASE!


Michael Jackson: Top 10 Favorite songs.

Michael Jackson has always been apart of my life. I remember being 3 years old, sitting in my booster seat in my dad's '83 Mercury Marquis. My parents were a young couple starting from the ground up, so my dad's car didn't have A/C, the lining on the ceiling was torn and pinned up with thumb tacks, and the leather seats were cracked and wrinkled all over showing the car's age. In order to roll down the windows, my dad had to pull them down by hand and every time you opened or closed the door it made a screeching creaking sound that could be heard from at least 10 feet away, it was just that worn down. Every time I went riding with my dad, he'd pull all the windows down and blast his music. I specifically remember one of his favorite songs being "P.Y.T" by Michael Jackson. Oh, he played that song until the cassette wore out. His Michael Jackson cassette was the newest thing in the entire car. At three years old, I knew all the lyrics to P.Y.T. and I thought my daddy was the coolest man ever because of that song.

His next favorite song was "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson. When I was a child, I hated that song. It was too slow and boring for me. At that age, I didn't understand the concept of a song having a meaning or purpose, I just liked the beat and rhythm. I'd always beg my dad to fast forward the tape when it came on.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I have my own favorite Michael Jackson songs. Initially, I wasn't an avid Michael Jackson fan. When I grew up, kids my age weren't listening to MJ, they were more into the whole rap and hip hop movement (This was in the mid-90's). So I tried to get into rap, but my mom didn't allow me and my brother to listen to rap because of the lyrics. Back then, I thought she was so lame for not letting us listen to rap, but now I'm kind of glad she did. I was exposed to a lot of R & B, including Michael Jackson and over the years he sort of grew on me. I never told my friends that I liked Michael Jackson, then I thought I'd be the lame one.

Now, I have a plethora of Michael Jackson songs on my iPod and I'm definitely not afraid to admit that I am a fan! I didn't discover my favorites until he died actually. After his death, I listened to all his songs on my iPod (I don't have every single song by him) in one night. I didn't sleep that whole night, I just listened. Some songs moved me, I cried, I laughed, I reminisced, and that's how I came up with my favorites. I don't know, I knew his songs but I didn't listen to them like I should have. Odd.

Anywho, here's my top 10 list:

1. Lady In My Life
2. Human Nature
3. The Way You Make Me Feel
4. Earth Song
5. Never Can Say Goodbye (w/ Jackson 5)
6. Thriller and They Don't Really Care About Us (tie)
7. Rock With You
8. Man In The Mirror
9. Off The Wall
10.I'll Be There (w/ Jackson 5)

Now, I could explain why I chose the ones I did, and why they're so special to me, but that would definitely be a 10 page essay in itself. Maybe later though!

I'll always remember Michael Jackson's untimely death, it happened the day after my 18th birthday. Tsk, tsk.

RIP Michael J. Jackson :)

June 22, 2011

Can I Just...

...Fall in love for a moment?
I've been on this planet for nearly two decades and I've never been 'in love'.
Love doesn't make life better or easier, I know...
My life isn't bad or hard anyway.
But still I want to experience the heart fluttering, the butterflies,
Just THAT feeling.

And yes, I have adequate love from home. I have amazing love from my parents and family, but a parent's love is different from a significant other's love.

I know God is going to bring someone great into my life.
But when?
It's like standing in a desert, looking up at the sky, with your hands in the air,
waiting for rain.

I want that movie scene.
That scene where that guy who you've known since elementary school,
confesses his love for the girl and a romantic, upbeat, swanky instrumental
plays and life is just, magical.

God knows the kind of relationship I want and need, and I know he's 'Googling' through all the men in the world, and when I fall in love, he'll be the most perfect person who wants the same things I do.

Patience is a virtue...That I wish I had more of.

June 17, 2011

The Most Beautiful Picture Ever

From Yahoo! and Getty Images

I saw this picture yesterday, and it is the best picture I've seen in a long time! This picture was taken a few days ago during the riots in Vancouver, Canada. The riots started after The Canucks (A Canadian hockey team) lost against an American hockey team. Hockey is like American Professional Football, Baseball, and Basketball in one. It's the biggest professional sport in Canada.

This picture was taken as police raced to stopped rioting and fires among other things. As police raced to save lives and stop violence, media photographers took photos of the historic events. One photographer spotted these two people in the middle of the action, kissing. You can imagine the shock value of such an image. Glass breaking, fires erupting, screaming obscenities, and a couple kissing, displaying love and affection? It just doesn't fit.

Turns out, the photo was actually mistaken. You see, the girl lying on the ground was injured somehow during the riots and her boyfriend came over to help her and gave her a small comforting peck on the lips. Although it looks like a long, steamy, passionate kiss in the midst of animosity, it was only a peck.

Overall, I LOVE this picture. Even if it wasn't meant to be taken in such a way, it speaks volumes to me. It can be interpreted in so many ways. When I first saw it, it just made me think how love over powers everything. There's a lot going on in the picture but those two people just captivate you. I would've loved to see this live (not under the rioting circumstances, but you know). Love just makes everything seem lighter, lovelier. This looks like a scene from a movie, but it's real life which makes it that much more special in my opinion! :)

June 14, 2011

Lightning Bolt Earrings - For Sale

Hello all!

This morning I sold my first pair of lightning bolt earrings so I've decided to sell them to everyone. Pictures are below! I have pink and yellow BUT if you'd like a different color please request it. These are handmade by me and can be customized. I can also do two different colors per pair (Ex. One earring pink, one blue).

For a regular, one color pair: $5.00
For other customized pairs: $7.00

This is a STEAL! Designer Melody Ehsani first created these earrings and a pair of her lightning bolt earrings costs over $60.

**Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Melody Ehsani. These are a replica of her earrings. If you wish to buy the real thing, see her website:

June 13, 2011

Boys and Girls

I was just thinking about someone. He came into my mind somewhat randomly. I know I'm always talking about love, romance, relationships, etc. but that's just my life. Full of love, romance, and STUFF. Never the amazing kind of stuff you see on TV and in movies, nevertheless my life seems to revolve around everything lovely.

I was thinking back to one of my earlier experiences with relationships. I formed my definition/opinion of 'friendship' and 'relationship' with this one situation, I'll never forget.

I was in 5th grade and it was the last week of school before the summer break. We received this little paper packet that was sort of like a memory book. We had to fill it out and at the end there were a couple pages for our friends/classmates to sign, like a yearbook. I signed a few and then I saw my friend Peter (name changed) sitting alone. He was sort of a loner, he was zany, weird, friendly and so smart.

I went over to him and asked him if I could sign his memory packet. He agreed, so I turned to the last page and it was nearly blank besides the signature of a mutual friend. I felt so sorry for John. He was great, and I just didn't know why he didn't make friends. I signed it with a cute message and wrote my number down at the end of the message. He was the only person I gave my number to but everyone else was giving out their number so I decided to give him mine.

Two girls that were in our class saw us sitting together and talking and all of a sudden they came over and grabbed his memory book acting as if they wanted to sign it. John and I knew they were up to no good. Next thing I hear is "Ooooooh Nicollette you like Peter?! Hahaha Nicollette likes Peter." My mouth kind of dropped like what the hell are they talking about? "You gave him your number! Hahaha you like Peter!" After that the whole class stared at me and Peter. My face was hot and I was so embarrassed. I don't even remember Peter's reaction. I did like Peter a lot but only as a friend. Or did I really only like him as a friend? I remember trying to figure out if I really did like Peter as more than a friend because everyone said I did. I know that sounds stupid, but that's what I did! Later that day I talked to him and I didn't get that odd tingly feeling that I got when I talked to the person I had a crush on at that time, so I ruled out "liking him like liking him liking him".

The next day I saw him and we talked like usual but I wanted to have my space...I didn't want people to think I liked him in that way. I think maybe he noticed, and I was really upset that I didn't get to say a proper farewell because we ended up going to different middle schools (we met up again in high school). Up until like my freshman year of high school I thought it was illegal for girls and guys to be just friends. I thought the only reason guys and girls could be friends is if they were seeking some kind of relationship. But I KNOW that's a lie now. Guys and girls can be friends without having an intimate relationship...But in the back of my mind I always replay this memory and I still ask can girls and guys truly be just friends with no strings attached? (rhetorical)

June 8, 2011

How to do a SIMPLE nail design

Hey! I got a few requests to do a video for the nail design I posted on Facebook and here it is! You're going to need to fast forward a little because it's in real time, no editing! It's only 12 minutes though! Here's the video, the steps are below the clip.

1. Apply base coat (NOT a clear polish! If you go nail polish shopping there are polishes called 'base coat').
-Allow to dry 2 minutes

2. Apply white polish
-Allow to dry 2-3 minutes

3. Apply SINFUL COLORS' 24/7 OR your own favorite color.
-Allow to dry 5 minutes or until completely dry.

4. Get out your thin nail paint brush (see video for better explanation)

5. Use SINFUL COLORS' Why Not OR your own favorite darker color. Stripe the nails carefully, make sure to do it in a 'flicking' motion, that helps with creating the zebra stripe. Regular lines makes it rather plain looking.
-Allow the design to dry 10 minutes or so.

6. Apply TOP COAT. Although this was not included in the video it is imperative that you apply a top coat! It seals the design in and prevents chipping. Invest in a good top coast and base coat, they're fundamental to increase the longevity of your nail designs.

Now, you're DONE! Questions, comments, concerns? Send emails and comments. :)

June 5, 2011

The Movie That Made Me Cry [Review]

If you follow me on Twitter, you'd know that I tweeted about a movie that really made me cry this morning. I was literally bawling! It was so good and sweet, and had the elements of a good romantic comedy (I adore romantic comedies).

Although it was a romantic comedy, I took it more serious than anything. Maybe because I could definitely relate. It touched me because I could relate to the girl who played the main character's love interest. I saw me in that movie.

The movie I'm talking about is...

Shallow Hal.

If you've ever seen Shallow Hal the last thing you'd think of is someone crying at the end of it...But I did!

[Spoiler Alert]

Shallow Hal is about a guy who only dates girls that are young, attractive, and sexy. They had to have the perfect face and body in order for him to show even the slightest interest in them. Although he wasn't very cute nor did he have a killer body, he still wanted to date girls who were perfect. His perception of women came from his father, who on his death bed made Hal promise to always date young and sexy women and throughout his lifetime he tried to do just that.

Everything changes when he meets Tony Robins on an elevator. The elevator gets stuck, and while they're stuck there, Hal explains his problems with women. He doesn't get why he can't have a long lasting relationship with a perfect girl. After some talking, Robins suggests to Hal a solution -- Hypnosis. Hal agrees and is hypnotized by Robins to see the inner beauty of people instead of the outward appearance. Once the elevator begins working again Robins and Hal split. Suddenly Hal sees the beauty in all of the people who were once unattractive to him, and most other people, too.

Hal seems to think that now all the young and sexy women want him, but in reality the women who he sees as sexy and perfect are the complete opposite to society. Then he meets Rosemary, a girl he sees walking down the street. To him she's thin, blonde, and sexy while in reality she's really overweight and has a self confidence level in the negatives. Hal calls her beautiful, radiant, attractive, etc. all the words she's never heard before. Rosemary thinks he's being a jerk and making fun of her, but he really sees a beautiful person.

After he convinces her to go out on a date with him, she's still reluctant to believe that he finds her attractive. People stare at her, laugh at her, and chairs break whenever she sits, but he still sees only beauty and can't understand why other people don't see it as well.

After a while they become a couple, then intimate. Hal's friend can't stand to watch him embarrass himself being seen with a girl like Rosemary, so he gets in contact with Tony Robins, again, and makes him De-Hypnotize him. Once he does, Hal sees Rosemary for what she really looks like and she's nothing like she was, appearance-wise. Everyone who he thought was beautiful, wasn't beautiful. Even though he loved Rosemary and thought she had a great personality, he still couldn't seem to get over her appearance. He avoids seeing and talking to her until he can sort out his feelings.

He goes on a date with his neighbor who he had been trying to date for months. Rosemary spot them at a restaurant and is crushed, so crushed that she takes a job with the Peace Corps for 14 months, to get out of town.

Hal finally realizes that he loves Rosemary and can't live without her no matter what she looks like. He loves her for her, and lets her know it. They make up and he vows to never hurt her again.

There's so much more to the story than that, it's just a snippet of the main storyline but there's other characters and things that make it sooo good! I love this movie because being a bigger person, I know what it's like to not believe a guy when he gives me a compliment.

Although most people feel good when they receive compliments, sometimes they can be insulting, especially if you're not what society calls "beautiful". Throughout the movie Rosemary was scared because she couldn't understand why Hal kept calling her beautiful and sexy when [according to society's standards] she wasn't. I'm like that too, which is why I'm afraid of relationships, I turn down a lot of people because of my fear...The fear that the joke will be on me in the end.

I remember like a year or so ago, this guy came to my job and he said, "Wow, you caught my eye from across the room. You're really, really beautiful." I kind of stared at him like ARE YOU FREAKING BLIND? This was when my confidence level was at -100. I thanked him and just wanted him to go away. He kept smiling and talking, eventually asking for my number. I told him no, and that I wasn't looking for a relationship.He looked pretty sad when he walked away, and I felt sorry for him but I just didn't believe that he saw me as beautiful. Thank God, I'm [a lot] more confident than I was, but I still don't think I'm ready for a relationship.

It would be nice if Tony Robins could hypnotize everyone, so that we'd all just see everyone's inner beauty.