May 27, 2011

Breaking A Life Story (Part III)

I always considered myself lucky or blessed, that is until I got to Birmingham. Nothing ever seems to go right for me here, but I think maybe the Lord may have delivered me a blessing in the form of a tweet.

"I'll be at the Club Beso in Atlanta TOMORROW NIGHT! Meet and greet until midnight! See you there"

It was from one of the most recognizable faces in the world, Bryan B. Reynolds. He was a former basketball player, turned actor, turned singer. Such a stable guy. His first two albums went platinum within the first two weeks, he is THE man. He retired from basketball at 24, retired from acting at 27 and last week a few tabloids reported that he may be working on his final album in order to pursue a modeling career.

This was the story that I had to break, bring one of the biggest celebrities to Birmingham for a candid one on one interview. I know, candid interviews are for journalists who earn them, the ones that work non-stop for years just to get a desk job, but this was my only shot and my only lead to a big story. Within minutes I was on the phone ordering a room within 5 miles of Club Beso.

I smiled to myself contently, thinking how close I am to getting the break I deserved. It was well after 6:00 and for some reason I felt the need to call my mother. I hadn't spoken to her in days which is pretty unusual.

"Hello?" my mother's sweet country voice always brought me back to a simpler time.
"Hey Mama, how are you doing?"
"I'm just fine baby! Oh I'm so glad to hear from you! I miss you and so does your daddy."

I smiled at the thought of my parents. My mother was a hard working fair skinned sweet Montana girl while my father was a dark skinned New Yorker that knew all the right words to say. They met on an Army Base where my mother was living with her parents. My grandfather was a Corporal in the Army, and they'd just relocated from Germany. My father was a new soldier fresh out of boot camp, and once they met, sparks flew and they've been together since. I was lucky to have such a mixture of culture in my life.

"Yeah Mama I'm fine, just busy you know. Guess what mama? I got my own segment! I'm going to be live on TV next week!" I was genuinely excited even if my ass was on the line.

"Oh honey that's wonderful! Les, our baby is gonna be on TV!" My mother always called my father Les instead of Lester.

"Congrats baby!" He yelled from afar.

I missed my parents a lot. I hadn't seem them in a year, and talking on the phone just doesn't do much justice these days.

"Well Mama, I'm going to be going to Atlanta for the next few days to follow a lead on a story. I just wanted to let you know that. When I get home I'll be sure to give ya'll a call back," I said reverting back to my country Montana accent.

"Oh ok baby, we love you so much! Be careful now out there, you hear?"
"Yes Mama. Love you!"

I hung up the phone, feeling refreshed. Talking to my mother always did that to me. I packed up my papers and put them in my messenger bag, slinging it over my shoulder. By this time Monday, I'd be something big.
Once I got home to my cozy little apartment, I kicked off my shoes and slumped down on the couch. My Shih-Tzu Lacey was ecstatic to see me, I loved the feeling of being missed. I rubbed behind her ears and told her about my day. I know she's only a dog, but she'd always sit beside me and listen intently, with her ears pointed high and her tail wagging. Lacey is the closest thing I have to family. I had no one else in Birmingham besides her and Jazz.

Jazz is my best friend, we were on the same flight to Birmingham when I first arrived and we've been friends since. She's wild, crazy, and outspoken and I love her for it! She always tells it like it is, but in a caring way, she'll never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. I picked up the phone to call her in order to tell her that I'd be out of tow.

"Hey girl, what's up?" I asked.
"Hey Jay, nothin' much. Trying to figure out these stock trends."

Jazz was in the finance/stock market business. She worked for an investing company downtown.

"Oh,!" I said with a laugh.
"Pssh. Yeah right! So what's going on?"
"Nothing girl, I just wanted to let you know that I'd be out of town for the next two days. Tonight I'm taking off for Atlanta. I have to follow a lead up there and I wanted to get there kind of early, so I'm leaving at around 3 AM." I said looking at the clock.

"Oh really? Must be a good lead if you're going that far away. It better not be a date that you're going on! 'Cause I know you visit regularly! Well just call me when you get there so I'll know you're ok."

"Whatever Jazz! You're too much! But I'll definitely call you when I get there. I'll talk to you later. Night."

I hung up the phone immediately trying to concoct a plan to approach Bryan. After all I wasn't one of those video girls with a body full of eye candy. I got up and dug in my closet. For the past year, I've only wore pantsuits or black dress pants and a nice blouse, but I knew this mission would take more than a hard creased pair of pants.

Eventually I found a new pair of jeans, I remember ordering them from my favorite online store, but I'd never had the free time to wear them. I also found a red tank top that I'd never wore. I tried on the jeans and the tank, both were pretty tight fitting, but not too tight, just enough to hug my curves in the right places. I stood in the mirror and looked at myself, I looked plain.

I took off my tank and dug in my underwear drawer for my "good bra". The bra that lifted, tucked, and squeezed just right. I traded my regular bra for the good bra and put the tank back on. I went over to my jewelry armoire, and put on three strings of short pearls. I put on a pair of dangling chandelier pearl and diamond earrings. To top off everything I put on a diamond bracelet, and a white cropped cardigan over my tank. I looked in the mirror again and this time, I looked pretty good. I'd do my hair, makeup, and find my shoes tomorrow. Already, I couldn't wait to show myself off.

May 21, 2011

Breaking A Life Story (Part II)

As I sat there waiting for the big decision, my mind ran a thousand miles. I couldn't help but think my career was over. After all, some people don't even have a career and here I am complaining about my "dream job".

After about twenty minutes my supervisor reappeared...With the General Manager. He's such a top level employee that I don't know his name. I'd never really seen him up close either, I only heard things about what he was like, some good things but mostly bad. I stood up as he walked in, extending my hand for a shake. "Hi, I'm--" before I could introduce myself I was cut short by his booming voice that seemed to vibrate the walls.

"I know who you are...You're someone who wants a promotion after being here for less than a year. Do you know how long it took me to get promoted? Three years! It took me 20 years to even think about being promoted to G.M."

He paced the floor as he spoke, I felt as though I was watching my career fall down a slippery slope.

"...You see Christina, a career takes patience and hard work. A career is a test of how hard you're willing to work to get to the top or to wherever you want to be. Life is not a movie and promotions don't happen in an instance. Tell me why you think you should be our lead anchor?"

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked over at me. My supervisor's attention was on me as well. "Well sir, I am determined and motivated. I have energy and drive that this station needs. Sir, we have the lowest ratings in the metropolitan area. Our newscasts only capture men...For obvious reasons. We need to dig deeper, we need to revamp our newscasts and make them more family friendly, not just for adults but kids and teens, young and old, and I feel I can do that, I know I can if you'd just give me that chance."

He started pacing again, but this time without speaking. He paced and paced for at least 5 minutes before saying anything. I wanted to burst into tears and run out of there screaming because not only am I being a whiny bitch, I insulted the very company that he operates. I felt dead and buried already. He took a seat in the chair that I was sitting in and gave me a look over.

"Hm, actually we were headed in that direction. Our consultants came up with a new segment. It's small and after the sportscast but we feel that with changing times it's a necessary step. An entertainment segment, that highlights gossip and news dealing with celebrities and such. It's set to air next week and you are going to be the reporter for that section. As you said our ratings are low, and if they don't improve within the first week of your segment, your journalism career here will be null and void. Understand?"

I swallowed hard, and nodded in agreement "Yes sir, no problem! Thank you," I said smiling but inside I still felt like my career was over. How could I raise the ratings in a week? That's pretty impossible I thought as the G.M. got up and stormed out of Darian's office.

I wasn't sure where this path was taking me, but I was hoping it'd lead me right where I wanted to be.


Over the next few days I researched 24/7. I hardly got any sleep, and had to wear makeup to cover up my raccoon eyes. I needed to break something big, bring something big to Birmingham but first I had to find something big to cover.

As I poured my umpteenth cup of coffee, I spotted Kellie approaching me. "Hey Christina! What's up? I heard about your new segment, aren't you excited!" Kellie was always over-hyper, but I enjoyed that aspect of her personality. "Yeah, I'm pretty thrilled," I said plainly taking sip of my almost perfect cup of coffee. "I know it's probably not the best thing but it is something you know!" She patted my shoulder and strutted away in her too tight double-breasted suit jacket, too short matching skirt, and too tall black heels.

I was envious and I know I could never compete. I marched off to my office and shut the door looking at the failed leads that I came up with. I was through, my journalism days were over. I turned on my laptop and logged on to Twitter and Facebook, just wasting time and counting the days that I'd be unemployed. After reading through random wall posts and tweets on my timeline, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My big break was right in front of me.

May 20, 2011

Breaking A Life Story (Part I)

There I was again. Sitting at my desk, editing another article written by a thin blonde who cheated her way through college and got the best job a journalist could have. Sigh.

My name is Christina Carlson. I'm a 20-something year old college graduate and I'm in the big city...Yep, you guessed it Birmingham, Alabama. Ok, so it's not that big of a city and it's not that glamorous but it's like New York compared to my home town in Montana. I left my hometown three weeks after I graduated, knowing that once I was here I'd be something big...I couldn't be more wrong.

I've been with Birmingham's premiere and most relied upon news stations, ZWAP Channel 6 News for eleven months, two weeks, and three days and I have yet to cover a story. For eleven months, two weeks, and three days I've been editing other journalists' work. A real dream job.

It's been my dream since I was a child to become a news anchor. I spent four and a half years of my life in college (Introduction to Spanish was harder than I anticipated...Along with a couple other classes, too) earning my degree in journalism and mass communication. For what? To sit at a desk for 8 hours and edit the crap from other people.

I must admit, it IS practically my fault that I'm doing this instead of my dream job. When I was first hired, my supervisor kept telling me how I was an amazing writer and how my words "moved him". I smiled and blushed as he stroked my ego. I fell right into his trap, now I'm editing papers for a living. I should've demanded the news anchor job that I was promised during the initial phone interview. I should've raised hell at human resources until I got what I'd traveled 546 miles away from Montana for...But I didn't, and this is what I get.

It's also my fault for not looking like a news anchor. I don't have straight flowing hair that stays in place for 24 hours straight, my smile isn't award-winning, and my body doesn't belong in (or anywhere near) Playboy. My hair is long, curly, and unmanageable. I wore braces throughout high school and my first year of college, yet my teeth could still be straighter. My body is well, full. The last time I wore a size six was in middle school. So, I'm not a Miss America contestant but I am ambitious, smart, and entertaining. Not mention I graduated from college with a 3.79 GPA. That damn Spanish class.

While I'm stuck here editing articles for the station's website, I can hear Kellie James reading from the teleprompter for the 5:00 newscast. Kellie is everything that I'm not. She's lazy, ditsy, blonde and super thin. She's the eye candy of the station. Kellie keeps the men of Birmingham on the edge of their seats when she's on the air, yet surprisingly, she's really a nice person, the total package I guess you could say.

As I heard Kellie's high pitched laugh, I couldn't take it anymore, I had to be in that seat, broadcasting to the people. I HAD to be the news anchor that I always knew I could be. I stood up and marched to the elevator, headed to the 6th floor - Administration. I was determined and my mind was set to ask for the position. I knocked on the door of my supervisor, Darian Gregori and took a deep breath.

"It's open!" He yelled from his office.
I stepped in slowly and wasn't surprised when I saw him on the edge of his seat watching Kellie talk about God knows what.

"Hey Darian...It's Christina." I said trying to get his attention. He turned a bit as if I snapped him out of being hypnotized.

"Oh hey Christina, what's up? Those articles you edit always turn out perfect, you're seriously the best editor we've seen here in years. Hemingway started out as a editor, I believe you're destined to be just as great as he was!"

Ego stroking, again.

I smiled, "Thank you...But that's not why I'm here. I'm grateful for my job, but what I want to do is that." I pointed at the TV as Kellie her Co-Anchor William discussed world news. Before he could speak again, I continued, "Over the phone you told me that I'd be an anchor and I've waited for a year, but nothing has changed. I need to be there. It's my destiny, I know it is."

I stopped myself before I could ramble on anymore and waited for a reaction. His face said it all as his eyes moved from my size ten, two inch heels, to my wide curvaceous hips, and to my high yellow face where my long curly dark brown hair flowed freely from my scalp. He rubbed his chin seeming as if he was in deep thought. Probably trying to find the most comforting way to say "Hell no".

"Well, I don't know. It's just--Well...Have a seat and I'll talk to the General Manager, he makes decisions like these...He knows best."

I took a seat in the rather uncomfortable chair in front of Darian's desk as he stepped out and disappeared down the hallway. As I sat there, my mind raced. I wondered if my job was over all because of an impulse to ask for my dream position. How could I tell my mother that I was fired? How would I pay for my apartment? I'd have to give up my dog, Lacey, because I couldn't afford dog food without a job! Oh, what have I done?

May 15, 2011

Amber Rose: If I Could Have Anyone's Body.

Photo: Property of Vibe Magazine via

Honestly, I'm not an Amber Rose fan. She's catapulted into 'celebrity' status just by dating in the entertainment industry [Kanye West anyone?]...But also I'm not a fan of the kind of hate she gets. I personally don't hate her, I don't know her! I only know of what's been reported about her and generally that never sums up a person entirely. I think she's interesting to say the least.

I was on another blog site and saw this picture. TONS of people kept saying how fat and ugly she is. She's neither of those. She BAD! Her body is ultra sick. I mean, if I could have anyone's body it would be hers! She's not bony, her ribs aren't showing, she has true substance to her body. Judging this photo and other pictures/videos I've seen of her she's a big girl. Big as in tall and thick but she's no where near fat.

In addition to having a sick body, she's pretty. Her makeup is always pretty minimal, and she almost never wears a wig or weave. How is she ugly?

If that picture above is of a fat, ugly girl...Wow. I (along with millions of other people who aren't as blessed to look this amazing) must be grotesque. I don't understand how when people dislike you, they form a whole different opinion of your outward appearance. A lot of people who hate Beyonce say she's ugly, she's not ugly it's just the hate in their mind that makes them change her into an ugly image. I [sort of] understand disliking someone but people should face reality. I notice this type of hate in the black community A TON! Get over it.


1. ...Because she dates black guys. I understand that it's annoying seeing that every model, video girl, and celebrity's girlfriend/wife is either non-black or a light skinned black person, but why radiate hate? It will change nothing.

Spread love dears.

2014 UPDATE:
Hey guys. This post was published in May 15th, 2011, three years ago! I will say that now I am more of a Amber Rose fan than I used to be and I still love her body and wish it were mine. Please check out my other posts over the years:
Why did Kanye marry Kim?
I'm Tired of Uneducated People
Men and Drama
Experiencing an Abortion
At what age should you settle down?

May 9, 2011

That Awkward Moment When...

I've always wondered about that awkward moment when you're still having sex with your former boyfriend/girlfriend.

What happens when it's all over? You've had your moments of fun and lust, now what to say? "Thanks, I still hate you though." or is it more of a get dressed and go thing? I know that some relationships end on good terms, but it's not called "breaking up" if you're still having sex with him/her, that's just pure lust...Or in other words being used. You don't like/care for the person enough to be with them, but you can still have sex with them?

I don't know, I couldn't imagine being THAT intimate with someone but not in love with them. I don't understand casual sex...How people allow others to explore the deepest, most personal part of their body, and they don't even care about them. I wouldn't even feel comfortable like that.

I know people who have said they literally hate their former mate, but they still have sex with them, "No strings attached". You're connecting your innermost self with someone else, and there's no attachment? Really? I find that strange.

Knowing what I know about myself, I know that I could never have pre-marital sex (even if I wanted to), it would make the relationship more intense...Which is why it's so hard for people (especially girls) to get over relationships when they go sour. I couldn't handle seeing my former boyfriend knowing what we did, I'd feel used.

I know marriage isn't guaranteed, but it's sometimes more a sure deal than just having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

May 7, 2011

Society's Order of Operation

As you may or may not know, math is my totally least favorite subject. In fact, the word 'hate' is truly an understatement. I hate it because I don't understand it. It takes me a long while to grasp the concepts. But one thing has always stuck with me, since middle school: The Order of Operation (the order in which you solve an algebraic expression). It's PEMDAS (parentheses, exponents, multiply/divide, addition/subtration). Besides being a helpful acronym in math, it can be a symbol for the social world, too.


Image is an important thing in the social world, it's been proven. Example: When people go to a club/bar they're are usually searching for a mate (maybe even a one night stand). They look around and go through mental steps or their own order of operation. For a lot of people, it's appearance first. If the first step is not ok, the whole problem is null and void. Without even getting to know a person, the relationship is over -- without ever starting!

I think this is the error that makes appearance so important. It makes people judge. If we all switched around our order of operation, the world wouldn't put so much of an emphasis on what looks pleasing.

Am I saying just talk to random people regardless of what they look like?

YES! Not only does it increase your chance of finding your soulmate, but you get to meet a variety of people. The worst mistake that people make when looking for a partner is only being attracted to their outward appearance. Thinking with what's between their legs, not what's in their heart.

Personally, I don't care about appearance when I'm talking to someone. I first talk to them, and if their personality is radiant, I think they're just that. It also makes you less judgemental and more well rounded.

May 3, 2011

Advice - God Didn't Grant My Wish

Although I'm supposed to be studying for a massive final exam, I just got the best epiphany.

I was on Facebook, randomly taking something like a break from studying, when this person that I used to know and like showed up under the "People You May Know" section. I clicked it as old school memories filled my mind. I haven't seen this person in years, so I just thought I check to see what he was up to.

After browsing his page, I realized he now has a child, and he's still up to his old career. The same thing he's been doing since middle school. Nothing had really changed about him, not even his appearance. Just as I was clicking off the page I saw the word "baby mama" and OH it hit me like a train. EPIPHANY!

For sooooooooooooooooooo long, I had wished on gaseous balls in the far away sky, hoped, prayed to the Lord, that he'd be mine, he'd love me as I'd grown to love him. He never did, and even after a year of not seeing him, I told myself that we'd meet again soon enough, and he'll fall in love with me and things would be just as I imagined them to be. Well, that didn't happen either.

Eventually other important things occupied my mind and I hadn't even thought of him until today. I now see it, I see why God didn't grant what I'd asked for. God knew what kind of person he was. I know for a fact that he's probably had at least 20 or more sex partners, he's not stable, and after all these years he's never settled down. My Father didn't want that for me, and I am so grateful. Now, I just see everything so clearly. I wasted tears over him and God kept telling me to patient, and I was. God was telling me that he's not the man that deserves my love. I'm so glad things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I was naive, in love with an illusion.

If I would've gotten my wish, I'd probably end up used and heartbroken, just like his other girls. I've come to the conclusion within these several minutes that God is creating, molding the perfect man for me. I'm literally in tears right now, because I'm just happy, I know God is working...I feel special, and I don't regret past relationships that I pushed away, I pushed them away for a reason, God has ME! God has my back, he won't put someone in my life that I don't need. I feel abundantly blessed.

If you're reading this and you're single, or maybe you went through the same thing. Loving someone that didn't love you back and not understanding why your prayers weren't heard. God hears us all, but he also knows what's best for us. Maybe that person who you love, but they don't love you back doesn't deserve such great love from you. Have faith in Him, I KNOW he's going to put someone great in your life. It's only a matter of time and growth. Your soul mate just isn't ready yet, or maybe you aren't ready to be someone else's soul mate. As you wait, work on yourself, grow, mature, and learn how to better yourself. Once you feel that you are the "Ultimate You" and still your soul mate hasn't come, just think, they're still developing! Once you two both develop into the perfect soul mate for each other, God will put you two together.

You're the rice and your soul mate is the beans. The rice needs to soften and cook down in order to be edible, just as the beans have to soften and cook in order for them to be edible...But sometimes the beans take a little longer. Once both of you are done, you two make the perfect compliment, creating the most delicious and perfect meal. If you rush, the beans will be bland and hard, but if you take your time, oh what a treat you're in for!

Xoxo :)