May 3, 2011

Advice - God Didn't Grant My Wish

Although I'm supposed to be studying for a massive final exam, I just got the best epiphany.

I was on Facebook, randomly taking something like a break from studying, when this person that I used to know and like showed up under the "People You May Know" section. I clicked it as old school memories filled my mind. I haven't seen this person in years, so I just thought I check to see what he was up to.

After browsing his page, I realized he now has a child, and he's still up to his old career. The same thing he's been doing since middle school. Nothing had really changed about him, not even his appearance. Just as I was clicking off the page I saw the word "baby mama" and OH it hit me like a train. EPIPHANY!

For sooooooooooooooooooo long, I had wished on gaseous balls in the far away sky, hoped, prayed to the Lord, that he'd be mine, he'd love me as I'd grown to love him. He never did, and even after a year of not seeing him, I told myself that we'd meet again soon enough, and he'll fall in love with me and things would be just as I imagined them to be. Well, that didn't happen either.

Eventually other important things occupied my mind and I hadn't even thought of him until today. I now see it, I see why God didn't grant what I'd asked for. God knew what kind of person he was. I know for a fact that he's probably had at least 20 or more sex partners, he's not stable, and after all these years he's never settled down. My Father didn't want that for me, and I am so grateful. Now, I just see everything so clearly. I wasted tears over him and God kept telling me to patient, and I was. God was telling me that he's not the man that deserves my love. I'm so glad things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I was naive, in love with an illusion.

If I would've gotten my wish, I'd probably end up used and heartbroken, just like his other girls. I've come to the conclusion within these several minutes that God is creating, molding the perfect man for me. I'm literally in tears right now, because I'm just happy, I know God is working...I feel special, and I don't regret past relationships that I pushed away, I pushed them away for a reason, God has ME! God has my back, he won't put someone in my life that I don't need. I feel abundantly blessed.

If you're reading this and you're single, or maybe you went through the same thing. Loving someone that didn't love you back and not understanding why your prayers weren't heard. God hears us all, but he also knows what's best for us. Maybe that person who you love, but they don't love you back doesn't deserve such great love from you. Have faith in Him, I KNOW he's going to put someone great in your life. It's only a matter of time and growth. Your soul mate just isn't ready yet, or maybe you aren't ready to be someone else's soul mate. As you wait, work on yourself, grow, mature, and learn how to better yourself. Once you feel that you are the "Ultimate You" and still your soul mate hasn't come, just think, they're still developing! Once you two both develop into the perfect soul mate for each other, God will put you two together.

You're the rice and your soul mate is the beans. The rice needs to soften and cook down in order to be edible, just as the beans have to soften and cook in order for them to be edible...But sometimes the beans take a little longer. Once both of you are done, you two make the perfect compliment, creating the most delicious and perfect meal. If you rush, the beans will be bland and hard, but if you take your time, oh what a treat you're in for!

Xoxo :)

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