June 13, 2011

Boys and Girls




I was just thinking about someone. He came into my mind somewhat randomly. I know I'm always talking about love, romance, relationships, etc. but that's just my life. Full of love, romance, and STUFF. Never the amazing kind of stuff you see on TV and in movies, nevertheless my life seems to revolve around everything lovely.

I was thinking back to one of my earlier experiences with relationships. I formed my definition/opinion of 'friendship' and 'relationship' with this one situation, I'll never forget.

I was in 5th grade and it was the last week of school before the summer break. We received this little paper packet that was sort of like a memory book. We had to fill it out and at the end there were a couple pages for our friends/classmates to sign, like a yearbook. I signed a few and then I saw my friend Peter (name changed) sitting alone. He was sort of a loner, he was zany, weird, friendly and so smart.

I went over to him and asked him if I could sign his memory packet. He agreed, so I turned to the last page and it was nearly blank besides the signature of a mutual friend. I felt so sorry for John. He was great, and I just didn't know why he didn't make friends. I signed it with a cute message and wrote my number down at the end of the message. He was the only person I gave my number to but everyone else was giving out their number so I decided to give him mine.

Two girls that were in our class saw us sitting together and talking and all of a sudden they came over and grabbed his memory book acting as if they wanted to sign it. John and I knew they were up to no good. Next thing I hear is "Ooooooh Nicollette you like Peter?! Hahaha Nicollette likes Peter." My mouth kind of dropped like what the hell are they talking about? "You gave him your number! Hahaha you like Peter!" After that the whole class stared at me and Peter. My face was hot and I was so embarrassed. I don't even remember Peter's reaction. I did like Peter a lot but only as a friend. Or did I really only like him as a friend? I remember trying to figure out if I really did like Peter as more than a friend because everyone said I did. I know that sounds stupid, but that's what I did! Later that day I talked to him and I didn't get that odd tingly feeling that I got when I talked to the person I had a crush on at that time, so I ruled out "liking him like liking him liking him".

The next day I saw him and we talked like usual but I wanted to have my space...I didn't want people to think I liked him in that way. I think maybe he noticed, and I was really upset that I didn't get to say a proper farewell because we ended up going to different middle schools (we met up again in high school). Up until like my freshman year of high school I thought it was illegal for girls and guys to be just friends. I thought the only reason guys and girls could be friends is if they were seeking some kind of relationship. But I KNOW that's a lie now. Guys and girls can be friends without having an intimate relationship...But in the back of my mind I always replay this memory and I still ask can girls and guys truly be just friends with no strings attached? (rhetorical)

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