July 14, 2011

When I Have Kids...

If you know me, you'd know that I've been against having children for years now. I think kids are cute but they're extremely hard work. Not only the diaper changing, feeding, clothing, bathing, etc. but it's another life that you're going to responsible for until you die. Whatever this baby becomes in life, you're going to be blamed for it, good or bad. Honestly, that scares me. Combined with this and other personal reasons, I decided to not have kids.

I already told my mother to not expect grandchildren - at least not from me, maybe my brother will have some soon. At first my mother played along with me and respected my decision but as I got older, I continued to stick to my word, no kids for Nicollette, ever. Until my mind was changed for me a few months ago.

Now, I don't want to sound all weird and crazy. The moment that I'm about to explain was very profound and spoke volumes, it was a beautiful spiritual moment and it will forever be a moment that'll be embedded in my memory.

I was sitting in class taking notes, half paying attention and half in La La Land. As the teacher was lecturing, suddenly the thought of having a child came to mind. I shook it off and said in my head "Nope, I'm still not having kids." then suddenly I heard a voice. It wasn't my voice, it was a deep, monotone voice. I know it wasn't anyone in the class because there were only three guys in the class and they sat closer toward the back while I sat at the very front. Honestly, before that moment I had never heard that voice that people always speak about. The voice of God. I never expected to hear it at that moment.

He said in a statement "You're going to have a son. You will have a little boy." I didn't question the voice, I just knew who it was, I didn't even argue it. He said it like a stern parent would, you don't argue, just accept it. A few minutes later class ended and I was still dumbfounded. I kept thinking about it, I don't know if I was more shocked or scared. Shocked that I heard the voice and scared because my destiny has already been decided, there's a child already in my future.

Nothing else was revealed to me, but I've had a lot of time to dwell on it. If God will grant me a child, I'll love it with all my heart because not everyone CAN have kids, so I'm tremendously blessed. When I do have kids or a child, I'm going to tell him this story, just to let him know that God had him in the works for years especially for me.

I love my unborn child(ren) already although, I'm not having kids until I'm in love and married. Which may take a while, at the rate that I'm going.

:)

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