October 16, 2011

Emotions...Taking Me Over

Is it really possible to run out of tears? I think I'm going to be out of tears by the time I'm 30. I cry for everything. The smallest thing brings tears to my eyes. Yesterday, in class, we watched a movie and I cried buckets of tears. My desk was wet with tears! It was sad but such an amazing story.

Tonight, I started crying thinking about the idea of falling in love while listening to the radio. JUST THE IDEA made me cry. I heard about one of my former teachers who passed away. I didn't know the cause of her death until one of her neighbors told me. I cried just knowing what kind of pain she went through. I cry at weddings and funerals. I've seen 100,000 romantic comedies and I've cried while watching each of them.

I know I'm overly emotional. Everything touches my heart in a deep way. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad. Tears are supposed to be for special moments. When I get married, I'm just not going to wear makeup I KNOW I'm going to be crying the whole time. When I have a child, I'm going to be crying every day. When that child goes to school, I'm going to cry, when he graduates, more tears. Sigh. Is it bad to be so emotional? I'm not depressed or anything, I've always been like this. I cry more tears of joy than sadness.

I do have a lot more compassion for others than most, and it's mostly due to my emotions. I feel empathy and sympathy for everyone, which helps me to be a giving a person. Thinking about it now, I think my emotions shape me as a person, my tears open my heart to love and hospitality.

I don't know...God made me this way for a reason. I think He is actively working, preparing and molding the perfect person for me, which is why I have never been in a real relationship. I used to always think it was a bad thing (to not have been in a real relationship), but the Lord knows my delicate heart, He knows that a bad relationship would kill me emotionally. I just hope I'm right about this...

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