November 10, 2011

Cater to...Who?

Today I was driving and had my iPod connected to my car stereo. It was on shuffle, and out of the blue "Cater 2 U" by Destiny's Child [video below] starts to play. I love the feel of the song, because it has a nice sensual feel and sets a nice mood, but the lyrics are bothersome. I know as a woman you're supposed to be submissive in regards to your man (husband, not boyfriend) but, isn't there a such thing as going overboard? In Christianity, you're supposed to always submit to your husband and follow his lead no matter what because he's the man, but that's a hard pill for me to swallow. Maybe it's because I'm a naturally dominant person, but I cannot see myself submitting totally to my man's every need. I understand the cooking, cleaning, through sickness and in health vow but feeding, bathing, brushing hair, foot rubs, manicuring, and sex whenever HE wants it is TOTALLY out of the question. I'm not his personal assistant, I'm his wife and BOTH of our needs should be satisfied, not just his. It's different if he's sick or something, but just for the hell of it, no way.

In the song Kelly sings "...Whatever I'm not fulfilling another woman is willing". In my opinion, if you have to kill yourself and just completely live your life based on his needs and just existing to make him happy, it's not worth it, let him go. I wouldn't want a relationship where I couldn't breathe, live, or think without him and that's exactly what they're singing about. Beyonce even sings, "My life would be purposeless without you" REALLY? I just think most of the song is unrealistic and sending out the completely wrong message. The saddest part is that most females do this stuff for their boyfriends and not their husbands. I'm more open to the idea of catering to your husband rather than your boyfriend. I've said this before, but I'll say it again: If you're giving him all the perks of a marriage while you're still in the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' phase why would he ever want to get married?

I want to accept and love my man for who he is, and I want him to do the same. I don't want him to love me solely because of the nice things that I do for him and vice versa. Eventually, I'm going to get old and the foot rubs, manicures, and sex on request isn't going to happen, do we just go our separate ways then?

Like in the movie "Coming to America", Hakeem (Prince of Zamunda) could pick any woman he wanted, a woman who would do anything for him, even act like a dog on command. This woman was raised JUST to make him happy, but he knew that a relationship like that wouldn't hold substance. I know it's only a movie, but it demonstrates a good point. We shouldn't look at a partner and think "Hmm...What can he do for me?". That's not love it's an entrapment.


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