May 22, 2012

My Life...In Gaining W8

I was reading another bloggers post about when/how/why she gained weight and became fat so it kind of inspired me to discuss my own. Don't worry it's not depressing. Promise. 

Most people tend to gain weight as they get older, during college, or after having kids, but mine happened much earlier. Before I could even understand the dynamics of overweight, dieting, obesity, etc. Up until around 3rd grade I was an average sized kid. I didn't notice I was getting fat until I some bully named Vincent called me fat-so in 3rd grade. This same year my family and I moved from across town, brand new house, new neighbors and a new school. It was all a different world to me. I didn't even believe him, I just hated him because he liked to tease and torment me.  I figured that since I wasn't teased for being fat in 2nd grade, I wasn't fat in 3rd grade either. Very logical of me.

It took us about three weeks to move to our new house and due to packing and cleaning my mom wasn't able to cook our meals. So, we began eating lots of fast food. Before moving across town, fast food was a usually a treat for my brother and I, when we had a good report card, did our chores, or when we received good scores on our standardized tests. During those three weeks my brother and I were in heaven, which is probably how I gained weight.

I never really looked at my body until 3rd grade. I remember this day vividly, because it was the first time I had looked at myself...Naked. I realized that my stomach was round and soft. I touched it, rubbed it, and pressed against it and felt that it was kind of hard in the middle. I started to panic after feeling it was hard in the middle. I thought I was pregnant. It's hilarious now, but I was terrified. I didn't know anything about babies or even sex for that matter, I just knew that all women with round hard stomachs were pregnant. My suspicions got worse when my mom began to shop for me in the Juniors plus and Misses section, a section mostly for teens and young women. I kept thinking that she knew I was pregnant too!

After a few months my stomach didn't get bigger like most pregnant women, so I figured I wasn't pregnant, just chubby. I learned to hate the word fat, because Vincent (and other kids who teased me) made it sound so horrible, so disgusting, so deviant. At that point body image and self esteem hadn't kicked in, I just knew I hated being called fat. I did compare myself to the other girls in my class, most of them were Asian or Caucasian, and they were all super skinny and short, while I was chubby and taller.  I didn't think anything of it, at least not at that time.

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