July 18, 2012

When a Bully Dies

Sixth grade was one of the worst school years ever. I went to a middle school where I didn't know anyone. Everyone had their old friends from elementary school, except me. The first couple weeks I was lonely but by the end of the month I was tormented due to being teased.

One person in particular made me cry almost everyday after school the first few months. Honestly, I hated him back then. I loved the days when he skipped school, it was like the greatest thing he could ever do for me. The tears dried up once I became accustomed to the teasing, it was just another part of life I thought.

Of course it wasn't the first time I had been teased about my weight but for some reason when I was in middle school, if someone of the opposite sex teased me it broke my heart. I think it was the hormones. This guy wasn't the only person who teased me either but his jokes and wisecracks effected me most. When I saw him I would cringe, I would go a different route just so I wouldn't cross his path, it was horrible. He always seemed to spot me on my worst days. Almost everyone loved his presence and cool swagger so I knew standing up to him would never work.

The following year the teasing continued until I transferred into advanced classes and never saw him unless it was in the hallway. Once I got out of middle school I still thought about the things he said to me, what was a harmless joke to everyone else, was more like a shot in the chest to me. I often dreamt of the day when I would see him in the mall or something, I would swallow my pride, stick my chest out and be courageous enough to stand up to him, but it never came.

June 24, 2012 my 21st birthday, a milestone in my life a joyous day for me quickly turned into a day I'd never forget. Not because I got shitfaced and danced my butt off all night long to some sick techno-pop beats but for a much darker reason.

After celebrating all night with my friends I come home and log onto Facebook to share my awesome night. As I'm typing my celebratory status, I notice 'RIP....' posted by various friends. You would think I would be jumping for joy that he had finally disappeared off the face of Earth, but even I surprised myself with the way I reacted.

In order to confirm that he had actually died I checked a local newsite and there it was. An article describing a shooting that killed a 22 year old black male as he sat in is car. A deep sadness came over me as I thought of him sitting in a car, lifeless. My eyes started to tingle and my nose twitched as from out of nowhere tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn't believe I was crying. Regardless of my dislike for him for what he did to me and how he made me feel, NO ONE deserves to die that way.

We always hear stories about kids who were bullied committing suicide, and then the remorsefulness of the person that bullied him/her...But do we ever hear stories vice-versa? A bully dying and the person whom he bullied feeling remorse or regret? It may around odd but I felt immensely guilty for disliking him even though he was the one who wronged me. I prayed for him and his family and I followed the story closely since the person who killed him was still on the run. I prayed that The killer would be caught and my prayers were answered.

Today, a 20-something year old man was arrested in connection with the murder. The odd thing is that the alleged killer has the same last name as I do. He dies on my birthday and the person who may have killed him has the same last name as I do...I think it's much deeper than a coincidence.

God bless you, JN I am praying for God to give you and your family complete peace.


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