December 30, 2014

Breaking a Life Story (Part V)

(Read parts I-IV by clicking here!)

Part V --
(Note: Croix is pronounced 'CROY')

I ended up having a couple shots of Atomic Wine and it was quite tasty yet potent. I didn't get drunk but I felt better with alcohol in my system. After following up with some glasses of water, I tip-toed out of the club. Not to sneak around, but because my feet felt like I was walking on needles. I exited the club and walked around to the back of the building where I was parked.  The night wouldn't have been complete without at least one more mishap, of course.

As I tip-toed to my car, I wasn't paying attention and my heel got stuck in a small but deep pothole, twisting my ankle and sending me down to the ground, face first. I was in pain, I had wasted money going there, I was frustrated so I screamed and cried as I just laid on the ground. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I was a good person, I prayed, I respected my parents, my peers, and I just couldn't get ahead in life. I don't know how much time passed by, I just laid there crying wishing I had never had dreams beyond my hometown, wishing I had better luck. Through my tears I could see some headlights shining in front of me. I was almost in the middle of the driveway, I didn't care if I got ran over or not, my feet and ankle hurt so bad it would've been nice to be put out of my misery. I wondered if that would be considered suicide.

I heard a car door open and slam "Ma'am are ok?" I looked up and in the bright light I saw two bodies, both males.

"I just fell I'll be ok...I think." I said trying to suck up my emotions and pain. I wondered what a hefty girl like me must've looked like sprawled across the ground. I blushed hard.
"Is she ok?" Another body appeared, this one much taller. "Let's help her up."

I wasn't sure how they'd help me up without a forklift, but two of the three guys pulled me up to my feet. One of them was tall-ish and olive skinned with dark eyes, he looked Hispanic. I looked over to the taller guy and there he was, Bryan Reynolds. My mouth dropped, I couldn't believe it was him. I had never really met a celebrity. Sure, I was in the same mall as Scarlett Johansen once and maybe I got a peek of Jay-Z when he came to Birmingham for a charity event, but up close and personal? Never. I tried to bear weight on my ankle, but as soon as I did I yelped. The olive skinned guy was examining it as I stood there mesmerized by Bryan who was now on his cell phone.

"I think your ankle is just twisted a bit. Those shoes aren't helping. I'm Croix Panadero , Bryan's trainer.  I look at these kind of injuries all the time." I heard him say, but I was still focused on Bryan. "Ma'am..?"

"Oh yeah, I believe you. I will just go home and get some rest and ice it."
"Do you need a ride home, I'm sure Tommy wouldn't mind dropping you off."
"No, my car is just right there. Thank you."

Bryan got off the phone and he looked at me, he was perfect, more perfect than I had ever saw on TV. "Are you sure you're fine?" he asked seemingly as if he genuinely cared.

I swallowed hard as I looked at him in the eyes "Yes, I am fine. Thank you so much."
"Stay off of it for at least two days and you should be fine. If not go to the emergency room" said Croix.

"Oh no, I have to be out of here by check out time tomorrow, I'm just visiting. I can't afford to lay up in the hotel to recover."

"Where are you staying?" asked Bryan.

"Embassy suites just down the street on Marietta." I looked at him like he was my idol, clinging to his words, I'm sure I looked like a dork.

"You shouldn't drive with your foot like that. I'm at the Ritz-Carlton just a couple blocks away. Let us bring you to the hotel and we'll take care of everything else. Do you trust me?" he flashed that gorgeous smile I had always admired on TV and I melted on the inside but tried to remain cool on the inside.

I gave a big smile "Oh well that would be nice. Thank you so much...I don't know what else to say."

Croix picked up my clutch bag, keys, and cell phone as Bryan helped me to the SUV he was riding in. He smelled amazing, like the best after shave money could buy. I slid my heels off and my feet throbbed. I used my left foot to hop up inside of the truck. Bryan shut my door and walked around and got on the other side, sitting beside me. Croix sat in the front passenger seat, while the driver Tommy, put the car in drive and sped away. I retrieved my items from Croix and was quite paralyzed. Here was Bryan, the man I needed to save my career and I was silent. My hotel was a less than 10 minute trek so I had to speak up and fast. I remembered what Divan said, and now was my moment to sell myself and be confident even if I didn't feel it.

"Well...My name is Christina, by the way. I'm from Birmingham and I was just here visiting. Really just visiting to see you." I said hoping to not come off as flirty but flattering rather.

"Oh really? How nice of you to visit. Glad to meet you Christina, thank you for being a fan."
"Actually, In addition to being a fan, I'm a newsperson. I work with Birmingham's ZWAP and I was wondering..."
Before I could finish he cut me off.
"Stop the car!" Immediately the car came to a dead stop.
"So you're a reporter? You did that just to stop me and get a story? Goddamn reporters will do anything for a story!" he said in an angry tone.

"No, you've got it all wrong I didn't fake that...I fell, I didn't see the hole..."
"Save it for your headlines, get out now"

Just when I thought my luck couldn't get any better, it made a complete 360. I didn't want to argue or make him more upset. I was embarrassed, my face was hot, I didn't even look at Croix or Tommy, I was shamed. I grabbed all of my items including my shoes and opened the door, stepping out on to the warm, rough ground. It was actually kind of flattering that he thought a tabloid would send me out to play damsel in distress. I shut the door and limped away slowly. My foot hurt like hell and I wanted to cry again, but couldn't even find the energy. I wasn't sure if I should go back for my car or keep walking to the hotel. I wasn't very far from either of them. I sat on a bench near the bus stop and I just wanted to give up on everything. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I watched the cars speed by me. I just wanted to be back in Montana, wrapped in my mom's arms once again, this life of dreaming was not what I expected.

A few minutes passed by before a black car pulled up. It was fancy and the windows were tinted dark so I couldn't see inside. The passenger's side window rolled down and I could see Croix in the driver's seat.

"Look I'm sorry about what happened, let me give you a ride to your hotel. Bryan has a thing about reporters, he didn't mean to be so harsh."

I should've resisted, I should've been melodramatic like in the movies, but I was thankful he was there and I wasn't going to put my pride ahead of common sense. I stood up and limped to the car, before I could get to the door, he jumped out and opened the door for me, helping me in. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to get to the hotel and go home and forget about the night. As he drove, he tried to make small talk but I wasn't there, I was back in Birmingham packing up my things in my office, giving the keys to my apartment back to the manager, and catching a flight back to my hometown. I broke down in the car, crying uncontrollably.

Croix stopped talking and the car stopped running. My face was buried in my hands, I couldn't see anything, he could've kidnapped me and I would have no clue. After a few minutes of silence, I moved my hands away and could see the lights from the hotel's parking lot. I looked over at Croix and he was just looking at me, he seemed scared and unsure about what to do. I looked at the clock on his car radio, it was 2 AM.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired...I just want to go home. Tonight was such a waste."

Croix didn't respond.

"Thank you for coming back to get me. I can't re-pay you for what you've done for me, but thank you again."
"I don't think tonight was a waste. You had an adventure although it wasn't what you wanted. You met some people, had some fun a long the way. It wasn't a total waste, try to look on the bright side."
"I've grown up, there's no bright side in this life."

I opened the car door and attempted to get out, but my ankle wasn't allowing it. Croix came around to my side and helped me out of the car and to the door. We took the elevator up to the fourth floor, room 423 was mine. I opened it with the key card and he helped me on to the bed. I felt awkward having him help me, he was tall but thin, much thinner than me but he was strong, I felt comfortable enough to lean on him. I figured he was helping me because he felt pity for me, I was a sad case afterall. I thanked him again but he wasn't done yet.

He took my key card and ice bucket and disappeared. Once he returned he filled a bag with ice and put my ankle on a couple pillows. He wrapped the bag in a couple towels and strategically placed it on my swollen ankle.

"You should be fine until the morning, hopefully the swelling will be gone soon. Just stay off of it. I'm getting your car towed over from the club, and paying for your stay for a couple days. My professional opinion is that you should stay off it for at least 2 days."

"Well what qualifies you to be a professional? You could just be a friend of Bryan's that he gave a job to. I know how that goes."

He laughed, "We are friends and have been since high school but I have my Bachelor's in Kinesiology, I'm certified with the National Athletic Trainer's Association, and I've been in this business for over 5 years. Am I qualified enough?"

"I suppose so. But Bryan retired from basketball a couple years ago, why are you still a part of his entourage?"

"Like I said we've been friends for a while and Atlanta is my hometown. Bryan has a home here and I help him train and condition during the off season. He conditions even if he's not playing, fitness freak if there ever was one."

I nodded only partially intrigued but mostly exhausted.  "I am so tired. It's been a while since I've been up so late. I don't get out that much"

"Same here. Get some rest, and stay off that ankle. You have room service, use it," He said sternly.

I watched him head to the door and I waved goodbye. I wasn't sure if I'd see him again, but I definitely wouldn't mind if I did. I felt comfortable with him and not once did I worry about how I looked or how he might've viewed me. I'm pretty sure I looked a mess after the club, the fall, and the tears I was positive I looked quite awful but I didn't care. Before I could analyze him more, I drifted off into a peaceful slumber, I felt light on my feet for the first time all night.

December 24, 2014

Breaking A Life Story (Part IV)



Breaking A Life Story (Part I)
Breaking A Life Story (Part II)
Breaking A Life Story (Part III)
Breaking A Life Story (Part V)

Part IV --

After a 2 hour drive, there I was in Atlanta. I was anxious but I was more nervous than anything. I arrived at the hotel at about 8:30 AM and couldn't wait until the light turned to dark.


I loved hotels, they're always so much more cozy than your own room, at least in my opinion. After checking in and going up to my room, I trekked downstairs for the free breakfast. Free food is everyone's weakness isn't it?


The breakfast smorgasbord was radiant as was the dining area. There were bread baskets full of bagels, baguettes, croissants, and biscuits. Next to them were beautiful fruit tray arrangements. Then there were cereals, coffee, juices, and pastries, I was in heaven! I The tables were dark cherry oak, and the chairs were elegantly upholstered with an ivory silk fabric. I almost felt under dressed but then again at $199 per night, the grandeur was much appreciated. I went over to the serving table and began my raid. There weren't that many people around, so I felt comfortable to fill my plate with goodies. I sat at a small table against the wall, directly in front of the TV.


My family grew up watching TV at breakfast, there was a TV in our kitchen so we could eat together but still watch TV. I think that's mostly why it's been my dream to be a news anchor. I grew up watching the women on TV with their big curly permed hair, floral shoulder-padded dress, and red lipstick in admiration (the 90's, of course). They came into my home every morning, like a family member. I wanted to be that woman (minus the permed hair and shoulder pads) that everyone looked forward to seeing on their TV screen.


The TV was on some local news station, and the volume was loud enough for me to hear but not daunting. "Coming up next, sports with Chip Andrews right after a short break!" she said. I turned away from the TV and sent a text to Jazz telling her that I had made it to Atlanta safely. I started to eat and the food was divine. The fruit were fresh, the biscuits were buttery and still warm, and the cranberry juice had the perfectly complicated blend of sweetness and tartness. I wondered if they served free dinner, too? After I finished my breakfast, I headed back to the hotel for a nap and some TV, I didn't feel like doing much else, I was much too anxious.

Funny thing about mirrors, they never reflect what you want them to. Maybe it's not the mirror's fault, after all it's only a reflection of perception. I stood there in mirror and I didn't think I looked as captivating as I need to. My curly hair was nice and defined and for once not frizzy, so it wasn't a complete bust. Bryan was a basketball star, he saw beautiful, exotic looking women with $500 hair weave perfection, my curls would never compare. I didn't have time to go shopping since I lounged around until 8 PM, most of the shops that catered to my size were probably closed.

I shut my eyes and said a prayer. God please grant me this opportunity. I know I ask for a lot and I know my life is dictated by your will, and I am so thankful for what you have placed in my life thus far, even if this isn't in the cards, thank you. Amen. I opened my eyes and smiled, I felt at peace, I even seemed to look better. I made my way out the door with my phone, keys, and clutch in hand, feeling more confident by the minute.

Atlanta was a beautiful city, driving down Marietta St., I saw a city I had only seen on TV. It was obvious that the night life in Atlanta was bustling. I saw crowds of people walking down the sidewalk dressed in club attire. According to them, I was under dressed. I arrived at the club 10 minutes after leaving my hotel, which was not too far from the club. Not to my surprise, the line to get in the club wrapped around the building. As I drove by the line I saw some of the shortest, most revealing attire I'd ever seen in real life. I felt old and frumpy compared to the girls that I saw. I got out of my car with all of my supplies in hand, and headed to the end of the line. Heels never really bothered me, until I had to wait in line for over 2 hours. I didn't know anyone but everyone else in line seemed to. The group in front of me were a lively group of guys. They smiled and joked the whole time, while I felt and looked nervous. I began to grow intimidated.

"Girl what are you worried about? It's a Saturday night and the night is young sweetie!"
I smiled, he had a unique voice, "Well I am kind of nervous. I'm not from here and I'm only here for one thing."
"We're all here for one thing, to get some di--"
"No..No that's not what I meant. I'm a reporter from Birmingham and I'm here to meet Bryan!" I was surprised that this guy was so...Open.
"Birmingham?! Bay-bay what are you doing in these parts? Atlanta is not a place for someone like you. This is for the professionals." His three friends roared with laughter..
"I suppose so, but I need this. My job, my life is dependent upon this. It's the only lead I have."
"First of all, you're going to have to lose that pitiful attitude. You don't need anything in life except food, air, and water, everything else is a luxury."
"Preach!" said one of his friends.
"This isn't the only lead you have, it's the only one you know. Your life doesn't depend on anything except that blood running through your veins. If I have learned one thing in this life is that you gotta have confidence to get what you want. Whether it be a job, a man, a car, a house, anything. I can't tell you the many times I've walked in to the Honda dealership with a 320 point credit score, three delinquent credit cards, and two repossessions and acted like I had the credit score of Bill Gates. Did I get a car? Not immediately, but I did..."

"...With a $750 a month car note!" Chimed in one of the other guys.

"Hush puppy...See, it's supply and demand. What I have is not too common, and truth be told it's in demand and selling like Jordan's on a Saturday. Once you have confidence everything else falls into place."

I had never had such a powerful lecture, especially not outside of a club but he was right. I smiled "Thank you...I believe you're right."

"Yes honey, I am right. My name is Divan by the way. I'm the diva of this here sorry group." he said eyeing his friends. They retorted by rolling their eyes and snapping their fingers at him.
"I'm Christina...So nice to meet you..." I was genuinely glad I had met him, strange how the right people come into your life at the exactly right moment.

Before we could finish our conversation, the doorman said ten more people were allowed in, finally I was able to get inside and hopefully meet Bryan. My feet were literally killing me, I looked down and they were red and slightly swollen. I started walking on my tip toes to relieve the pressure. The place was absolutely packed and it was hard to see with the lack of lighting and the numerous bodies. I dashed for the bar when I saw some open seats. My screaming feet thanked me as I took a seat and looked around for any sign of Bryan. I was expecting maybe a huge crowd would be gathered around him. Once the bartender came to take my order I asked her about him. I had to scream over the pulsating music.

"He's gone...He left about 20 minutes ago...Would you like our drink of the night? Atomic Wine!" she said enthusiastically. I shook my head no, I was defeated.


December 19, 2014

Hot Chocolate with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup


I call this 'Break Room Hot Chocolate'. Have you ever been at work craving something but it's unavailable? It's right after lunch, you're filled with re-heated leftovers but you just need a little something more to coast you through the day. Well today, that thing for me was hot chocolate.

If you've ever scoured your office's break room, you may notice there are lots of resources for creativity. Left over ketchup, salt, pepper, sugar, and creamer packets are perfect mediums for food creativity.  It's even better if your office has coffee supplies available, which is how I came up with this concoction. Now if you're able to run out to the store, by all means do so, I don't intend this to be a substitution but an alternative, if you will. Especially for those of us who either can't leave the building or would rather not risk losing their parking space for a temporary fix (although sometimes it's worth it).

An important thing to know about food creativity: There are no 'real' instructions. In a cookbook there are specific instructions on how much to put in a dish because this stuff has been tested and tweaked numerous times in order to create the best tasting dish according to other people. When you use a cookbook/recipe you don't truly know if you'll like it, our palates differ. With food creativity, you're the taste tester so feel free to tweak it as neccessary. I came up with this recipe purely by experimentation and it does need some adjustments, but I'll make them as I go along.

Break Room Hot Chocolate:
*Note: I used a 16 oz. cup. If you have powdered milk, that would be better than creamer!

2 and 1/2 tablespoons of Chocolate Syrup (I used Hershey's)
1-2 tablespoon of coffee creamer (about 5-9 packets if you're using little packets)
1 tablespoons of sugar
1/2 teaspoon of salt
Hot Water (Not from the tap, boiling hot from a tea kettle, coffee pot, or water dispenser with a 'hot' option)

Pour the syrup, creamer, salt and sugar into your cup. Mix it around a little before adding the hot water. Add the hot water and stir until well mixed. If it is too 'watery tasting', add more creamer not syrup! The creamer will thicken it, while the syrup will not (learned that the hard way).

Also, if you have access to heat up some milk, use it! The creamer and water are substitutions because most break rooms aren't full kitchens and/or milk is not readily available. If you are able to use hot milk, eliminate the creamer and water. Or maybe you're at home and want to try this recipe!

That's it! I hope you guys enjoy being creative with your food! :)

December 6, 2014

How to Deal with Mormon Missionaries



I saw this video on Facebook months ago [should show up above, if not click this link], but it has since reappeared on my newsfeed. I'll come right out and say that I am not a fan. It's not a win for the black guy, it was quite frankly rude and unnecessary. I'm writing this post because I have been seeing a lot of social media stuff related to Mormon missionaries, and most of the things I've seen are not positive.

In case you don't know what Mormon missionaries are, let me briefly explain. First and foremost Mormons are Christians, as they represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Missionaries are people who travel to preach the teachings of their respective religion, they don't have to be Christian, but in America most of them are. Mormons are allowed to go on missions once they turn 18 years old, which is quite young. For many young Mormons it marks the beginning of adulthood and the beginning of an enlightening spiritual trip.

There are millions of Mormons across the world, therefore they can come from (or be sent to) any part of world to serve their mission. Males (Elders) serve for 2 years, while females (Sisters) serve for 18 months. As I said previously, missionaries can be as young as 18 which is a huge deal, at least in my opinion. When I was 18, the thought of moving away from home scared me, even if it was to go to college and have fun. Being a missionary is a huge responsibility as well as a serious duty. The missionaries believe they have been called upon by Jesus Christ to spread his word, as well as the doctrines that their Church teaches. They go around on bicycles, by car, or on foot to discuss their faith with various people. Keep in mind, I'm not making excuses for the missionaries, but I want people to see things from their perspective. I'm not Mormon and I have never been a missionary, but I respect them for doing what they do, even if our religious beliefs differ. My religion teaches compassion, hospitality, empathy, and care for all humankind and that's why I'm writing this. Missionaries have a tough job because it's a transition from everything they're used to.

Now back to the video. The caption underneath the video says, "never judge a book by it's cover" because the person who posted the video seemed to believe that the missionaries were targeting the guy because they thought he didn't know the word of Jesus Christ. But it's obvious that that's not true. The missionaries saw the guys standing out there and simply approached them, like they would anyone. There was no one else standing out there except them, and they saw an opportunity to speak with them. Now maybe I could see that as a valid point if there were other groups of people standing outside, but from what I could see they were the only ones out there. If you have missionaries in your town, you probably see them going from door to door, or speaking to random people in the street, because that's what they do.

Next, after the missionaries start talking about scripture and the Priesthood, the man begins to talk about what he knows about scripture, sort of 'showing off' that he does in fact know the scripture as well as some history about biblical times. The missionaries seem respective, but then the guy starts to become condescending and haughty. He starts to speak really quickly, and nit-picks at what the missionaries say and it does seem to fluster the missionaries. Wouldn't anyone get flustered if someone starts attacking their every word? So after he kind of shows off he asks "Well i thought you guys were here to teach?" They were trying to, but kept getting cut down, how can you teach someone who appears to know everything?

The missionary then offers the man a pamphlet, and the guy completely rejects it because it's the 'Book of Mormon'. First of all, that was not the Book of Mormon it was a simple pamphlet. The guy seems to become more agitated, and pompous. One of the missionaries tries to sort of diffuse the situation and the guy just laughs in their face. At this point, it becomes really hard for me to continue to watch it's just so rude and I know Jesus wouldn't want any of his followers to treat people in such a way. He was being so antagonizing, and I believe the fact that the camera was on him, made him act out even more. He even accuses them of of being angry and not capable of holding an intelligent conversation. Seriously? He's the one getting angry and not even giving them a chance to speak.

The last minute or so is of the guy saying that the missionaries are lying about believing in the bible. His accusations are baseless, probably because of his own biases and presumptions about Mormons because they didn't even get to say much to him before he started attacking them. The missionaries try to depart peacefully and try to shake the man's hand even though he blatantly disrespected them, but what does he do? He doesn't want to shake their hands and even puts his hand in their faces. It was purely an act of intimidation.

There are a lot of truly sad things captured on video, and this is one of them. And this is only one instance of what missionaries deal with, I'm sure they have to deal with much worse. At the end of the day we are all people, and all people deserve respect. If he wanted to discuss the bible with them, he could've did it in a much more respectful way. If he couldn't be respectful, he could've just said he was not interested in hearing what they had to say, and I'm sure they would've moved on. I think this is a lesson for all of us on how to not treat missionaries. These are young people just getting out into the world, and no they don't know everything and they aren't perfect, embarrassing and alienating them out in public is not the way to go, and if you want to get biblical, it's not the way of Christ. Even if you aren't religious/spiritual, what would it hurt to be kind to someone who's different? Someone who doesn't believe in what you believe in? I don't understand people who can quote the bible cover to cover, but won't honor the basic tenants of being Christian. You deal with missionaries just like you would deal with anyone who deserves compassion, respect, and hospitality. I just think about them being so far from home, trying to do what they believe is right, trying to make God proud as well as their families, how could you not respect that?

December 4, 2014

Hollywood Divas Final Episode Review


Hey all, today was the final episode of the first season of Hollywood Divas. I really enjoyed this episode, it was a nice finish to a great season and revealed a lot about some of the ladies. If you've been reading my reviews, you'd know that I didn't have very much interest in the show from the start, but overtime I find myself anxiously flipping my TV to TVOne at 9 PM almost every Wednesday. I still haven't watched every episode, but I have tuned in to most of them. I will put the links to my other reviews at the bottom of this post! Now, let's get down to business...

This episode was a continuation of the last episode which dealt with the ladies actually getting down to the nitty gritty and finally recording the short film "The White Sistaz". All the ladies were on board, even Countess, who had full body liposuction only days prior to shooting the film.  Turns out, she ran into more complications than she had expected including infection and excessive oozing. Golden threw out the idea to cut Countess from production because she was not fully healed and was on heavy medication. Golden also convinced the other girls to side with her.

Countess kept saying before her surgery that she had done full lipo before and was back to work almost instantly. What she did not keep in mind is that she is older and her body has been through several changes since her last lipo which increases the chance of complications. When Countess arrived she could hardly walk and was visibly swollen. I was proud of her for pushing through and coming to film but she did not look well. But in the end she did her part (which was sexy hunny! And her makeup was on point) and saved the day. I could actually see Golden's point, but if Countess said she was fine and was medically cleared to work, why stop her? I liked the fact that Paula stood up for Countess, even though she's always been the questionable one to me, P.J. came through this time.

I think the "The White Sistaz" was a good idea, but where is it? The show was filmed months ago, and I have never heard of, nor have I seen the film. Perhaps they were keeping it under wraps until the show aired? Or maybe TVOne will have first dibs on it. Who knows. I, however, do not like the title. I don't like that it's stylized 'Sistaz'. I get that it's suppose to be ironic and maybe even misleading, but I don't really like it. I think if they wanted it to go mainstream, they should've just used 'sisters', but that's just me.

I'm not going to get into all the mess, because it's the same thing that's been going on the whole season, and it's really tiring to even type it up.Also, I still feel like a lot of the drama that happens on the show is an act. Did ya'll see the Visa promo with Elise and Golden? Smh. A part of the show that I believe is not an act is the drama between Claudia (Paula's mom), Paula, and Forrest (P's husband). So on this episode Paula brings her mom in to see what they've been working on. I feel kind of bad for Paula because she really wants her mom's approval, but her mom is not happy mainly because Forrest is not working and they have a baby to care for which is very understandable. Paula even said that her mom has always supported her dreams, she just doesn't support the fact that Forrest is now riding on her coattail. On the other hand, I don't truly feel sorry for Paula, because her mom is right. Forrest said that he believes anyone who tries to deter someone from their dream is the devil, but I completely disagree. Everyone has a dream, but a lot of us aren't in the position to fill that dream, and/or we have a lot of steps that we have to take in order to achieve that dream. Some people are blessed enough to be able to dive into their dream head first and make it work, even become rich! But we aren't all so lucky. Even when people do jump into their dream, they start from somewhere. Paula has made her start, but Forrest? No one knows him, and Paula's not that big of a heavyweight to vouch for him in a way that'll be effective. And it just seems to me that Forrest is an anchor for Paula. I believe people will trust her due to her repertoire, but the fact that she can't work without Forrest is a deal breaker and may even hinder her success. I don't want to see that happen to her, she is truly talented, but she has to wake up and smell the coffee!

I do want to get to the last 20 minutes or so of the episode, which was a great moment. All the girls came together on the beach for a celebratory gathering. Elise went off on Paula for not being professional and not communicating. Another thing I do like about Paula is that she is not the type to argue. When Elise got loud, she shut up and let her speak, and she's done that several times in the past, which is respectful. I like Elise a little more now than when the season first started. She is probably the most well known out of the group, and the most relevant one and the fact that she hung around for that low budget movie was admirable. She would always show up and was always there, which shows a lot about her work ethic. She's still not in my faves, but she's just okay in my book.

Elise brings up the communication issue with Paula, the fact that she didn't communicate with the staff nor with the cast members was unprofessional according to Elise. Paula says she has trouble communicating with men (and having relationships with men) because her father died when she was 3 and she never had a male figure in her life. Hold the presses, this explains A LOT. I can now finally see why Paula is having this issue with Forrest. Girls who don't grow up with a positive male figure in their life usually need lots of attention from men, whether it's negative or positive. I'm not saying all, but not having a positive male figure in a child's life is sometimes quite detrimental.

As the emotions continue to pour, Countess tells the girls about her problems with self-esteem, which Golden retorts with "We all have our stuff Countess!" and laments about the fact that her mother is very fair skinned while she is dark skinned. I made a quip about Golden's skin tone being similar to Sammy Sosa's (who famously bleached his skin to the Gawds) on one of my previous posts. If you look at Golden when she was on Girlfriends to now, and compare, there's an obvious difference. Even on tonight's episode there was a scene where she looked so much lighter it was scary. Finally, we get down to another root, Golden has been in a situation where she felt bad for being brown skinned. She said she didn't feel attractive because she wasn't light skinned, and that's something very relatable. I feel bad for making a joke about her skin tone, but now that I know that there's an underlying issue, I truly apologize. Golden kept telling Countess that she's beautiful and doesn't need to change, who's telling her the same? I hope someone is, because she is a beautiful brown skinned woman, the lightening is making her look gaunt. I really hope she sees the beauty in herself and her color, especially for her daughter's sake. Being dark skinned, there always seems to be a social issue amongst blacks in regards to skin color, which is extremely sad. I can truly say that I've never wanted to be light skinned, but at certain times in my life I envied people who were light skinned, because they were always seemed to be considered 'prettier'. I believe Golden really cares for Countess a lot, it's really obvious that she does. She said she sees a part of Countess in her, and I see it too.

The real tear jerker came at the end when Countess talked about her abortion. In a previous episode she talked about how she handled having an abortion on her own. By "on her own" I thought she meant she went to the abortion clinic by herself. Nope, Countess literally conducted her own abortion by taking various medications. I can tell she's truly in pain from the abortion, those tears cannot be faked.  At the end, I was in tears. She said she wanted to tell her story to be an inspiration to someone, and she has succeeded because she's inspired me. She's inspired me to push, to not give up even through the pain and tears. And even if you're self esteem is low your voice is high and worthy.

On a lighter note: I think Shar Jackson should be a cast member on Hollywood Divas. I'd really like to know how those play dates are going between her and Britney Spears' kids, which are her children's half brothers (via Kevin Federline). I really like whenever she makes a guest appearance on the show.

The reunion special (part one) is next Wednesday, December 11th, I'll be sure to tune in and maybe post a review. I don't understand why they really need two reunions! Anywho...That's the day of my last final exam, I might be out cold by 9PM! Until then check out my previous reviews AND my other posts! Thanks for reading! PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FELLOW DIVA FANS!! 

Hollywood Divas Ep. 1 Review
Hollywood Divas Ep. 3 Review
What does a single woman notice about a man first?
Being: An English Major (Get to Know Me a Little!)
What do you do when you have friends more attractive than you?

November 29, 2014

5 Songs I Want to Play at My Wedding


Let's use our imagination here...Of course, I'm not getting married anytime soon (unless this were a movie and Prince Charming has been stalking me for 3 years and finally confesses his love for me, sweeping me off my feet and down the aisle, to the altar pronto but I digress). I don't know if you guys know this but I love music. I love music so much, because it's a beautiful escape and the best form of expression. When I was younger I really wanted to be musically talented. I tried to play the violin, cello, piano, guitar and even the stupid recorder. I failed at all of them. I still have dreams of being able to master some instrument, but it's been scientifically proven that it's more difficult for adults to master things like foreign languages and musical instruments but you can do anything if you set your mind to it! So without further delay here are the 5 songs (out of many) that I would really want to be played at my wedding reception (In no specific order):

5. Don't Disturb This Groove - The System

This is a song from the 80's with a synth-pop and R&B feel. I love this song because I actually love the sound of the synthesizer. It's so versatile! The R&B singing over the upbeat, rhythmic music is just a perfect combination. The sound of it just makes you forget about the world around you, it's captivating and everytime I hear it, I get lost in the music. It's also a romantic song, and I could imagine any groom would sing this song to their bride. It's also great for a wedding because it is up-tempo but also has a steady rhythm that makes it easy to dance to.

4. I'll Be - Edwin McCain

"Strands in your eyes, the color of them wonderful stop me and steal my breath..." This song would leave me daydreaming of the perfect romance when I was a teenager. Even today, this song leaves me in a dreamy state. I love it when songs are expressive and emotional from a man's perspective and this one song that's the epitome of that. It's also a very popular song in romance movies, specifically one of my favorite movies, A Cinderella Story.

3. Ribbon in the Sky - Stevie Wonder

As I said previously, I love songs that are emotional from a man's perspective. This song is AMAZINGLY beautiful and Stevie's delivery is impeccable. I would probably want this song to be my wedding song, it's the perfect song to describe love and marriage. My favorite verse is towards the end "We can't lose with God on our side..." and I completely believe that when it comes to marriage.

2. Party - Beyonce

Beyonce's "4" album came out shortly after she and Jay-Z tied the knot. The album is full of songs stemming from marital bliss and what is a wedding reception? A party! It's very fitting and the lyrics are perfect for a recently married couple. I'm saving her other song 'Dance For You' for the honeymoon.

1. A cappella - Kelis

I love the lyrics to this song, because it talks about how before you meet the love of your life, everything's a capella. Yes it may sound beautiful but then once you add music, it brings things to a whole new level. Kelis actually wrote the song to talk about her relationship with her son. She felt as if her son brought accompanying music to her 'a cappella' life. The song has a heavy pop/dance/techno sound, but I would love to hear a slower, sensual version of this song on my wedding day.

A few honorable mentions:
Ignition - R. Kelly
Celebrate Tonight - Allen Stone
We Found Love - Calvin Harris
Man I Feel Like a Woman - Shania Twain (Would totally dance with my bridesmaids to this song!)
Heaven - Bryan Adams
Blame It - Jamie Foxx
Green Light - John Legend
Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
Let's Stay Together - Maroon 5 version
Crazy Lucky - Better Than Ezra
Are You Gonna Be My Girl? - Jet
You and Me - Lifehouse
Bust Your Windows - Jazmine Sullivan (So he'll know what to expect if he cheats lol...Kidding!)

I'm not the best singer but I love to sing. One thing I would love to do at my wedding is sing a song to my husband. I'm not sure which song, but I'd love to sing to him and express my emotions through music...That would be awesome.

Now back to reality...

Being: An English Major

If you've read any of those articles about 'the best college majors', English (as well as Arts and Humanities) majors are never on the list. It's always some kind of Engineer, Science, or Computer related major. This post isn't about what it's like to be an English major per se, but about my evolution as a student, what I've learned and why I am thankful to be an English major, even if it's not one of those lucrative majors, what I've gained has no price tag. 

When I first started college, I had my heart set on becoming a Psychiatrist. People told me I was a good listener, and I had helped many people sort through their issues with a dose of common sense and offbeat humor that no one understood. I took a Psychology course in high school where there was one big project: plan your life. We were paired with the opposite sex (aka 'hubby') given a budget and told to plan our lives. Keep in mind this was a D rated public school. I thought if this is Psychology I can do this in my sleep! So, I did some research and in order to be a Psychiatrist you need a Baccalaureate Science degree plus 3-4 years of med school. Math and science (aka numbers and satan) are my absolute worst subjects. I don't do numbers and science is illogical. But I said 'I got dissss' and became a Biology major. 


Biology is actually the easiest of the sciences. It makes more real world sense to me than the other sciences. John Mayer and the band Earth, Wind, and Fire said it best "[Our] bodies are a [boogie] wonderland". When you're a Biology major you don't just do biology that would be much too easy! There's Chemistry (Inorganic or Organic), Physics, Trigonometry, Microbiology, Pathology, etc. but I said 'I got disss' and kept pushing. First semester I took 6 classes which was one of the hardest semesters of my college career. After 2 years of tears, tantrums, and test tubes I traded my lab coat for a badge in humanities. 

I never thought I'd be one of those students that changed their major more than once, because they couldn't decide what they wanted to be (those losers), but turns out that was me. I was a loser. First I changed my major to Psychology...Boy (or girl..Heyyy feminists) was I in for a rude awakening. So you mean Psychology is not as easy as common sense and has nothing to do with creating faux marriages and making dope powerpoints with over stretched pixelized pictures from Google about my dream life?! Ok, I was not that naive, I knew what Psychology was but I thought it would be easy nonetheless. I remember going to my academic advisor and she asked me why I wanted to be a Psych major. If there had been an audience I would've won an Oscar for my performance. True, I wanted to become a Psychiatrist but mostly because of what other people said and because of the huge paycheck it would bring but I truly didn't know why I wanted to a Psychiatrist. What did I want? I remember saying something in my speech to my advisor about mental health, Prozac Nation, and Dr. Phil. To give it a flair of American patriotism I went on a tangent about Apple Pie, Lady Liberty, and NASCAR. I even had a twinkle in my eye.

I cannot imagine what went through my advisor's head when I switched my major 6 months later to English. What happened to the Schizophrenic lady in green carrying an apple pie in the middle of a NASCAR race that inspired me to major in Psych? Somewhere in Prozac Nation watching Dr. Phil scream at guests about their mental health I suppose. (See what I did there?)

Before I could read I was a reader. I remember receiving this book about Snow White from my mom when I was about 3 years old. I couldn't read but I looked at the pictures and made up my own story. I even got a pen and 'wrote' my story in the book (they were actually just squiggly lines, therefore, I was writing in script at 3...Fancy). I wish I could find that book so someone could sell it on eBay for 30,000,000 to one of my future rich (and crazed) fanatics. Because truth be told I wouldn't even spend that kind of money on my own damn self. 

Even though I had my speech ready my advisor didn't ask me why I wanted to become an English major, she was probably still in shock due to my first 'performance'. People have always told me that I have writing talent. I don't think I'm that great but I've always enjoyed writing and reading. However, I didn't want to be put in a situation where I was following a career based on what other people thought. Why did I want to major in English? Why couldn't I just drag myself through Biology stuff? Science degrees will always triumph over humanities/liberal studies degrees in terms of pay and job availability so the choice should've been obvious right?


I took a semester of liberal arts classes and I fell in love. I'm about to give a speech here but this one is honest and from the heart, unlike my 'why I want to be a Psychiatrist' speech that I contrived in front of my advisor. 

As with Biology, when you major in English you don't only study literature and writing but also Anthropology, Sociology, Philosophy, Religion, Foreign Language(s), etc. For the first time in a really, really long time I was excited to learn. I wanted to absorb everything, I researched, I thought critically, I asked questions, and the best part is that I became so empathetic. Learning about various cultures, societal norms/issues, and even studying the bible and Jesus in an academic way changed me. Sidenote: I attend a private, Catholic college. I just loved learning about the human experience something that's so amazing yet we take it for granted. We do the human experience everyday yet we're all moving so fast we don't take the time to analyze it, ask questions, and a good bit of people don't even care about their fellow man. I've always had good values instilled in me from my parents but studying English has made me a better person and self-development is priceless. *Cue Michael Jackson's 'Man in the Mirror' This may be ironic but self-development can actually make you more selfless, at least that's how it happened for me. I really feel like a hippie, all I want is a world full of peace understanding and compassion. As MJ said "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change".  

So back to majoring in English...Yes, there's a lot of reading and writing but most of all it's a lot of critical thinking, and all the answers are never blatantly there but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel so blessed to be able to see things from different perspectives and I know how to care even without fully understanding. Priceless. I still don't know exactly what I want to be, but I just know that I want to spread what I have learned by serving people. I either want to be a writer, librarian, or teacher. If I'm lucky, maybe all of them simultaneously.

So, anyone out there want to pay off my massive student loans? They ar
en't quite priceless...

November 20, 2014

4 Things Single Ladies Notice First About a Man

I've been making a lot of lists lately so this post is fitting. I'm writing this because as a single lady, I notice myself noticing things about guys within the first minute. I'm not actively looking for a partner or anything, I think I'm just more aware of the opposite sex than I once was and also I'm 23 so my biological clock is ticking ya'll!

1. His ring finger!

When I see/meet a nice, attractive or interesting looking fellow I immediately look at his ring finger. Almost subconsciously. You can tell a lot about a man if you check out his ring finger. If he has on a ring it's simple: he's married, he's happy, he's not game territory. When some girls see a ring they feel the need to attract him or figure out if he's really happy enough with his marriage. I don't know, as soon as I see a ring on a man's finger I don't think beyond that, he's married and even if he isn't happy that's not my issue to sort through, call Dr. Phil or even Maury. When a man doesn't have on a ring, there's a lot that could be going on: 1.) He's taken just not married 2.) He's divorced 3.) He's gay 4.) He's in the type of relationship where they've been together ten years and he hasn't proposed (a common law type thing). In my state gay marriage is not legal but even still I'm sure some gay couples wear rings to symbolize their love and commitment. And gay couples can get married elsewhere, so if he doesn't wear a ring that doesn't really mean he's gay but he still could be. There's this guy that I am so infatuated with and he is ring-less and I have yet to figure out why, he's one of the most amazing men I've ever met. My guess is that he is in a relationship, how could someone like him not be?! Probably one of those long term ones...

2. How he treats you and other people.

One of the things that made me even more infatuated with the guy I'm infatuated with is how he interacts with other people. Even though I don't know him personally, he is genuinely a kind-hearted person. I saw him talking with this guy who most people would consider crazy. He treated the man with such kindness and was very patient, which of course made my heart flutter. His nature is just calm and he doesn't change from person to person, always consistently sweet. 

3. His eyes.

The eyes are called 'the gateway to the soul'... Or something like that. Single ladies notice the eyes more than any other physical feature. If you can captivate us with a stare, you might get the digits (do people still say 'digits'?). People think that only 'pretty eyes' are attractive but that's not so. The general consensus is that pretty eyes are the ones that are colorful and unique but even dark brown eyes are captivating. Eyes just have a way about being honest, even if the person doesn't intend it to be that way. It's the way you look at someone that can say a whole lot.

4. His career.

Now this is something you might not learn about in the first 60 seconds of meeting a guy unless he's in some type of uniform. I am an absolute sucker for a man in uniform (Firemen and soldiers yasssss)! It's nothing like an employed man with enough responsibility to wear his uniform with the utmost pride. A uniform just signifies that he has things in order, he's responsible, reliable, and has integrity --- Even if he's none of those things, first perceptions are everything. A person's career (uniform or not) says a great deal about them. If a guy is a teacher at an inner city school, that says something positive about him. You might think that he's compassionate, patient, and dedicated. His job can also reveal things you have in common, such as if you work in the same industry.

I know not all single ladies notice these things first, I cannot account for them.  Now about this guy I'm infatuated with that I mentioned a couple times, he's just eye candy nothing more, I promise. Do I wish it were more? To be quite honest, he's out of my league. I don't really believe in 'leagues' but this guy is out of my league for some very plausible reasons that I won't mention. Au Revoir. 

November 13, 2014

Hollywood Divas Episode 5 Review

Let me just start by saying this episode was probably my favorite out of the ones that I've watched. As I stated in my first review of the show (see the end of this post for the links to previous reviews) I don't feel pressed to watch every episode, but I am glad I caught this one. In this episode, the main points have boiled over and what everyone has been thinking has been spoken with the divas. And even though Golden is probably my least favorite of the divas, she shined through in this episode and I definitely give her all the due credit! Let's start from the jump...

The first thing that came up was a picture that Elise posted on Instagram with Golden. The picture had a caption that implied that Golden is Elise's favorite out of all the girls. Lisa showed Countess and Paula Jai the picture and they felt slighted. Lisa especially pointed out that such a thing creates division, which she believes is the last thing they need when working on a huge group project. I agree with Lisa...In a way. I think it all depends on how you're used to working. Some people go to work and expect everyone to be friends and love each other equally, while others keep work and friends separate. I'm not sure if Golden and Elise were friends prior to the show, from the first episode it didn't seem like it. Elise and Paula Jai seemed to be the only close ones. Either way, I don't think they should have felt so slighted. Elise nor Golden have authority over anything, so it's not like their favoritism will affect the project.

So, next the girls get into an argument and Golden says that everyone has thrown her under the bus, even Lisa. Chile if that ain't the biggest constructed lie I've ever heard. It's on camera how she was being shady towards Lisa the first time they met. I just don't understand how Golden can hate Lisa, she is so sweet and she tries really hard to get along with all of them. Countess (my other fave) sat there and didn't say anything during the argument, nor did she take sides. That's why she is amazing, she sat there like a grown woman and let the others hash it out. Now while I respect that, reality TV doesn't like maturity. I'm sort of afraid that if Countess keeps her mature attitude she won't be asked back next season. I LOVE her and when she does speak, she reveals that even though she is the youngest out of the group she is the most intelligent.

Golden says that "[Lisa's]...Booty shots are getting to her brain", which was rude. It's amazing to me that Golden says that Lisa keeps playing the victim, but in reality she's always playing the victim. In Golden's world, Golden is perfect and everyone else has the problem. She wants everyone to listen to her opinion because she's always right and once you disagree with her or stand up to her, she doesn't like you. Elise is my second least favorite, but I think she's honest and the most leveled. After the drama with the picture, Lisa and Elise go out to lunch. Elise told Lisa about what Golden said about her booty being fake, which was straight messy. If she wouldn't have told her what Golden said, she would not have known. Hell, Elise was laughing and agreeing with Golden which makes her just as guilty in my opinion. Anywho...

I am still having a problem with Paula's cut-a-ways (when they show a clip of her opinion/comments on the scene) because they sound scripted! I guess Forrest told her what to say there, too.

Paula Jai and Forrest's professionalism was the big topic on hand in this episode. After getting several writers to write the script, the girls agree that Forrest wrote it best. The girls ask Paula Jai for his email address so that they can discuss script changes. Turns out, Paula Jai and Forrest have the same email address. Professional and business life should be separate, especially if you're trying to make name for yourself. The people that you deal with should have a sense of confidentiality. Second, Paula is the director and it appears that she's very flaky with the girls. She says she has another job that requires her time, so she can't always be around. Paula Jai enlists Forrest to be the Assistant Director, which is like the second person in line to the director.

I don't believe Forrest has a lot of experience with the movie industry or any industry for that matter. He seems a little slow...with everything...which is why I was surprised that his script was good. He just doesn't seem like the brightest bulb. Prime example: Paula has food and champagne on the table when Forrest gets home (where was he coming from? Not a damn job). After popping a bottle of champagne, she says she has a surprise for Forrest and he says "Are you pregnant?". Um, sir, if she was pregnant I don't think she'd be drinking champagne, but I don't know Paula's life, she had to be drunk to name her son Onederful. I just can't even fathom such a decision...*sigh*

Golden even suggests that they fire Paula Jai. I think this is a slight bit extreme. I understand Paula is like the boss since she is the director and she needs to be there, but she does need time to invest in other things as well. From the previous episodes, Paula came to every meeting and one meeting, she should be fired? I think the issue is not truly that she's unreliable, but the fact that they just aren't professional. I think Paula should not have enlisted Forrest to be the Assistant Director because he doesn't have the experience or even the business like mind to run the group in Paula's absence. It's really sad that Paula can't do anything without Forrest. I understand they're a team but the fact that they aren't professional, will only hinder their efforts to succeed in Hollywood. The girls call Forrest during a rehearsal because he should be there in Paula's absence, and he did not know what to say. Most of what he said was a bunch of mumbling. I wanted to scream USE YOUR WORDS, ARTICULATE FORREST *in my Sheneneh Jenkins voice*.

The shit really hit the fan at the end when Paula accused Golden of wanting Forrest and flirting with him. As I said at the beginning, Golden really shined through tonight. Golden is so opinionated and she thinks that everyone wants her opinion all the time, which is my issue with her. But during this episode she really spoke the truth about Paula. Paula is so insecure with herself, which is why she can't deal without Forrest. Like I said in my other reviews, she has some deep seeded issues. The camera seemed to highlight a few moments where Golden was touchy feely with Forrest. I don't know, but I think that was an act. It just seemed contrived and unnatural. If it were real, it wasn't even really flirty. Golden did not seem interested in him in that way, and if Paula were secure in her marriage then she should not have let that bother her. I think in this scene, Golden revealed her true self. She said "I don't like that fool" chile she got urban, which was funny but more realistic than I've ever seen her act. She first said "I don't want your man, that's laughable...First of all, I like men who have jobs". I literally screamed! I mean we were all thinking it. I believe Paula is very delusional and it's almost sad to watch. She has no sense of self, and even in a marriage a sense of who you are is important.

This was a pretty good episode, the only thing that I didn't really like about this episode was the catty-ness. There was a lot of arguing, which is a make or break thing for me. It wasn't over the top, but it was getting to that point. All in all, this was a good episode and I'm glad Golden spoke those truths.

Until next episode, check out my other Hollywood Divas reviews AND my other posts:
Hollywood Divas Episode 1 Review
Hollywood Divas Episode 3 Review
When Your Friends Are More Attractive Than You...
Why Did Kanye West Marry Kim Kardashian?

November 10, 2014

4 Things to Know When You're Friends with Someone More Attractive ThanYou

I know I'm not the only who has felt this way. I have some beautiful friends, they are some of the most gorgeous girls ever! Being who I am (self-conscious, over-analytical, emotional, etc. etc.) has made me think about this subject long and hard and like I stated previously, I don't think I'm the only one. Have you ever been out with a friend and people seem to be drawn to him/her leaving you in the background just smiling and nodding? Have you ever lost a friend because of strain due to jealousy (whether you'd like to admit to or not)? Have you ever wondered while looking at your attractive friend(s), how the hell you two even came to be buds? Well, this is for you...The four things to know:

4. Your life experiences differ from your attractive friends.

Have you ever been talking to a friend and she goes on and on about how she can never get in and out of a store because there's always some guy(s) flirting with her? You may nod and smile as if you totally understand, but in reality the last guy that flirted with you was the creepy cart pusher with no teeth and too much to say. Attractive people have a different life than us average people. For us, it's a treat when guys buy us drinks, worthy of a Facebook status update! For attractive people, getting drinks "gets old". While attractive people may have been in their first serious relationship at 16, us average people were just trying to make it through Algebra without falling asleep. When average people receive compliments, it makes us feel good that someone went out of their way to compliment us, on the other hand, attractive people get compliments so often it's like their second language. So much so, that they don't even think about it, they don't dwell on compliments like we do.

3. You may become jealous.

I know, it's tiring and annoying when your friend is the head turner. Even if you're walking together, people view you as two totally separate entities. If you're in a restaurant, the guy from the bar sends her the free margarita, while you sip on your water hoping for the same treatment. It's difficult when your friend is garnering all the attention. The worst case scenario is if you're totally crushing on this beautiful, smart, sophisticated guy and turns out he likes her and not you. That can be awful, cause tension and may make you feel super jealous, among other reasons, but it's ok. Continue to number 2...

2. Avoid Comparisons.

Never, ever compare yourself to your attractive friend. It will only make you more upset at her, even if she's done nothing wrong. You may think "What does she have that I don't"? And when you start to make that list and it becomes obvious you'll regret it. This will cause more tension in your relationship and if she's a really good friend, it's unnecessary strain.

1. Beauty/Attractiveness is relative.

Through out this entire article, I've been talking about the 'attractive' friend. But what is attractiveness? Is there truly an ideal look that everyone wants? No. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I'm sure you've heard. We don't all find the same things attractive. While you're sulking over your friend getting free drinks, while you have to sip on free water, there's probably a guy from a far watching and wanting to approach you. Beauty is confidence, it exudes from your voice, your skin, your eyes, and your overall being. If you don't feel that you're as attractive as your friend, it'll definitely show. It is a fact that even the most beautiful people are considered ugly by someone. When you feel good and confident, you have no need to be or feel jealous. You may not have everything as far as physical assets but you're worthy and beautiful. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and really if you look at it, it's not fun being constantly approached by guys because of your appearance. These guys aren't trying to get to know them on a personal level but are basically being jerks. People who are 'attractive' often have a hard time keeping and staying with one person. They go through multiple relationships trying to find the one because so many guys only want the physical beauty and nothing more. When a person only wants the physical, it can be difficult to decipher who really wants you for who you are, not what you look like. The grass is never greener on the other side. Last but not least there is someone out there for everyone and eventually the right one will find you. He may not hound you in the Walmart parking lot or send you endless rounds of Tequila, but the person of your dreams will be where you least expect it.

From experience, I know what it's like to believe you're less attractive than your friends. I've felt all of these things, especially jealousy. I had to take a step back and look at me. My friend didn't do anything to deserve backlash, it was my way of thinking that caused the jealousy. But truthfully, there is no one more attractive than your own self, because there's only one, unique, and beautiful you. Now if only I can get this one guy to see that, I'll be set for life! 

October 30, 2014

Why Did Kanye Marry Kim Kardashian? [A theory]

I was going through my old blog posts and stumbled across this blog that I wrote when I was the uber Kanye West fan. Although I have severed my ties with him since he's went total left field, there are some strands still there. I am hoping to one day be a Kanye fan again, it was fun, it was bold, it was a uninhibited. I think I've changed and grown up, so I don't really believe my fanship will ever be the same. Now on to the burning question...

As I stated previously, I ran across this old blog post and it was a review/commentary on Kanye's short film "Runaway". After I read it and thought about it, I had an epiphany. Before you continue to read this post, please read my post from 2011 about the "Runaway" film, click here!

So if you've read my review/commentary on the short film, (which I just know you have!) you may already know what I'm trying to say here. Or maybe not.

One of the main themes of the "Runaway" film was about how people in Hollywood (and in general) don't accept differences. When the bird woman (portrayed by Selita Ebanks) was at the dinner table with all the rich and pristine people (who Kanye calls the 'douche bags'), they stared at her, laughed at her, and wouldn't dare accept her because she was just too strange. Eventually, this leads to the bird flying back home, because she doesn't like it here. Kanye even sings to her "...runaway as fast as you can." He liked the bird woman and seemed to fall in love with her, but his lifestyle as a celebrity would eventually run her away. Pusha T raps about the same concept when he says (I'm paraphrasing) that nothing in Hollywood is free. The material things aren't free and the cons that go with being a celebrity is a hefty price to pay.

Fast forward to present day, we have one of Hollywood's most famous couple Kimye. I admit, I was quite shocked when I found out Kanye had made such a leap. True, he had Amber Rose but in my opinion that seemed more genuine than Kanye and Kim. When I found out they were dating, that's when I walked out of the front door with my suitcase and sweet memories, never looking back again. But I think I have discovered why Kanye and Kim are an item.

Kanye all but said in his Runaway film that to find a woman he truly loves is difficult if not impossible while being a celebrity. He likes different, he wants different, he wants someone from out of his world, but just like in the film, it never works out. Enter Kim, she's been in the limelight for years, she knows how to look, how to act, how to blend and even how to be like the douchebags he toasts to in the film. I don't think it was a marriage of love but one of convenience because she fits in. I think Kanye realized that he's never going to have his ideal woman while being a celebrity, so he switched up his thinking. He figures that things will be so much easier if he just marries not only a celebrity, but one of the most famous of our time (unfortunately...). It was also a power move, they can both boost each other up financially. It's obvious, as a couple they are more powerful than they were separately.

It's like high school if you think about it. Say a famous jock likes this girl who's funny, smart, and likes sports just as much as he does. But she's not in his circle, she's not around the people he's around all the time. Sure he could date her, show the guys that he doesn't care what they think but what about her? After the football victories, dining with the team, the jocks, their cheerleader girlfriends, how would she feel? She'd feel out of place, awkward, and uncomfortable. She'd wonder what the guys say about her since their girlfriends are the right 'type' and she's just average. She'll second guess everything and wonder if she belongs and then the strain will becom too much...Heart breaks...The end. I believe Kanye knows and understands that Hollywood works precisely this way.

It's tough it seems to be a celebrity...But is it worse than being average? In the end, I don't even know what Kanye is thinking, I'm not psychic this is just my theory. I truly hope that it lasts for the baby's sake. Carry on.

October 23, 2014

Hollywood Divas Episode 3 Review

I know I previously told you guys I wouldn't tune into the show regularly (click the link at the bottom of this post for my episode 1 review) . I didn't care to watch the second episode and since there was nothing else on TV I tuned in to the third one that premiered tonight (10/22/14). Keep in mind, I'm not talking about these scenes in the true order in which they occurred, just as I see fit.

Ok, first of all, this episode made me fall even more in love with Lisa and Countess. As I said in my review of the first episode, Lisa and Countess were my faves from the start. Countess is so darn funny and cute. Lisa is super sweet and I just love her personality. They both met up at a kickboxing class and ended up talking about Golden, basically trying to run things. To be honest, I understand what Golden meant when she told Countess to work on her soul before getting liposuction. Beauty and confidence starts from within and many celebrities mess themselves up because they get all this cosmetic stuff done and think it's going to solve the problem. I think she thinks that if she gets down in weight things will be easier, but it's not going to be if she doesn't already see her beauty. Anyway, from the looks of the clips for upcoming episodes, she had it done anyway, so I'm wasting my words here. Lisa released her frustrations about Golden at the gym and advised Countess to do the same, which was hilarious!

Next, my least favorites Golden and Elise met up for a "dance recital/audition". Elise told Golden that she needed another dancer for her dance troupe and Golden told her she would show her that she'd be a good replacement. Chile, Golden looked a mess doing whatever that was that she did. It wasn't particularly bad dancing (and I say that with a box of salt), but it was boring and not captivating at all. It wasn't even sexy, which is what Elise's dance troupe is about, because her face was stone hard the entire time. I am SO getting tired of her talking about her degree from Sarah Lawrence! They must've paid her to be a spokesperson or something. Elise was genuinely surprised, probably because she knows that Golden thinks she's the queen of everything.

Further into the show, Paula Jai brings her mom to her new rent-to-own house. Her mom seems very salty about the whole situation. As they walk through the house her mom constantly tells her how disappointed she is that Paula has turned out the way she has turned out. She is also disappointed with her marriage to Forrest Gump (but even Gump had several jobs!). Her mom also keeps repeating that she made so many sacrifices for daughter to make sure she was successful. This scene bothered me for several reasons. First, it really, really hurts when a parent says they're disappointed in you. Not just you, but your whole life! Even the mere look of disappointment in my mother's eyes sent me crying. I was hurt even hearing her mom say those things to her. It doesn't seem like they have a very good relationship, and I think her marriage to Forrest is the culprit. Her mother is right about a couple things thing: WHY isn't Forrest working? Paula seems like a battered woman, because every time her mom mentioned her husband's faults, Paula found a way to make it her own fault. She said he's not working because she told him to work with her instead of getting a real job. Here's the kicker: She even says that her husband signed up to marry a rich woman and she feels bad because she's not rich. Say what now? That man should not have married you for money honey. What about love? What about companionship? What about family?  Paula has some serious man issues, and I think she needs some counseling.

I cannot stand it when people say "I'm an artist". Usually they use this phrase to justify some outlandish idea or to make themselves feel better about some fuckery they've contrived. The second thing that her mom is right about: After Paula keeps saying she's an artist her mom comes back with the best line ever: "What good is the art if you're starving?". I'm all about art and artists but sometimes (especially if you don't even have a roof over your head AND you have a baby to care for) the art has to be put on the back burner. I also notice that Paula is very dependent on Forrest. She can't even do a gig without him, which might be why she can't get roles! It's ok to be in love and married but being self-sufficient is important too. Most happily married couples work in separate places, and it doesn't kill them, why can't Paula work alone? Like I said, she has some deep rooted man issues that need to be worked out. This almost reminds me of KeKe Wyatt in the first season of R&B Divas, when she couldn't do anything without her husband Michael, and said she was "nothing without him". Quite sad...

In another scene, Golden gets some bad news about a role she auditioned for...*drumroll* She didn't get the part because the directors wanted to hire another type of minority (Latina/Hispanic). She freaks out on her little Asian friend, throws a tantrum, and runs away. I can understand her frustration but she was being very melodramatic. One way that shows claim diversity is by putting Asians (Indian, Middle Eastern, Chinese, etc.) and Hispanic (Brazilian, Puerto Rican, Mexican, etc.) in their projects. But those ethnicities do need representation. There are lots of Hispanics and Asians in America, and they want to be on TV as well to represent their race and to represent America. In Hollywood, there are only so many major roles and of course most of them are going to white actors/actresses. It's sad, which is why everyone needs to have a strong fall back game. With all of her degrees, maybe she should teach or find something with stability...All tea, all shade maybe she should start a makeup line with Sammy Sosa.

Finally, towards the end of the show, Paula and Elise attempt to squash their issues with one another, since Elise missed the first meeting to pitch ideas, but it only makes things worse. I have to side with Elise on this one. It seems to me that Paula was sloppy with her career, especially during and after the production of Hustle and Flow. I really believe that Elise was trying to help help her but..That's when she met Forrest, and things just started going downhill. Sometimes the things that are blocking your blessings come in the form of a man...Just saying...

Sidenote: Does anyone else think that Paula Jai looks more Asian than Lisa Wu?! And how are their cell phone speaker calls so damn clear? People always tell me I sound like I'm in a tunnel when I'm on mine...But oh well...

Until the next episode...Check out my other latest blogs:
I'm Tired of Uneducated People
Hollywood Divas Episode 1 Review
Hollywood Divas Episode 5 Review
Realist or Realest? Which is correct?

October 21, 2014

I'm Tired of Uneducated People

Information is readily available to more people than ever before. According to a 2011 Census survey, 75% of American households had internet service and I'm sure in 2014 that percentage has increased. This percentage doesn't even represent the millions of people who access internet via their cell phones or at public places such as a library. If you have any kind of access to the internet, you basically have your hands on all the information you'll ever need. But not all information is good information, and I'll get to that soon.

When you read the title, I'm sure you might have passed some judgments about my comment but I have to be honest here. I'm tired of uneducated people, so much so that I had to make this post. Let me be clear, an educated person is not truly one who goes to school and gets a formal education. Being educated sometimes has little to do with schooling. I know someone who dropped out of school in ninth grade but he is one of the most educated people I've ever met. I also know some people in academia, with advanced degrees who have little education. What makes an educated person?

I believe an educated person is someone with common sense and common sense ain't so common. I'm a college senior and I believe I have become so much more educated because of college. I'm not a smarty pants that can quote Shakespeare, Keats, or Hemingway on the spot. I can't tell you everything about indigenous religions, Marxism, or the Sociological Imagination coined by Mills. I call that information. While I have studied a lot of information in college and I believe I am a well informed person, not all of it stuck but what has stuck is the education. I have learned to be thorough and tedious with my scholarly work, to pay attention to details, to be kind even when you don't understand, to always try to understand what you don't understand, to be self-reliant, that everyone has a different reality/everything is relative, and that all information isn't good information. These are some of the many things I've learned in college and they may sound super basic and maybe even common but they're quite the contrary. I believe these are all qualities that educated people should have, whether you have a Ph.D or not even a G.E.D. You don't truly need a piece of paper to be educated. Which is why some of the richest people in the world don't have beyond a high school diploma.

With so much information out there, learning that all information isn't good information is probably one of the most important things I've learned. Every time I'm on some social media site, someone is reposting some information from unreliable sources and passing it off as fact. It's so easy to create bad information but it's so hard to convince people that it's not something to be relied on. A few weeks ago, this woman posted on Facebook something about President Obama running for a third term. Several people 'liked' it and shared it with their friends. It was baffling that people actually believed it! Every American citizen should know that Presidents are only allowed to serve two consecutive terms. This is common knowledge! The bad part about bad information is that it spreads so quickly, and it's fire that's almost impossible to contain. Fast forward a few days, I'm in my Sociology class and we were discussing current events. One girl, raises her hand and says, "President Obama is running for a third term." I could've cried!

Just yesterday, someone reposted an article saying that "Betty White 'dyed' at age 92". The first clue should've been if they spelled 'died' wrong, then you ought not believe it. Thirty minutes later someone posts a status saying "Rest in Peace Betty White". These are the the kinds of things that scream 'uneducated' to me. Just the basic, checking your sources, reading and comprehending for yourself are imperative. I know you've heard the saying "Stand for something or you'll fall for anything". What you should stand for is the power of your own mind, not what someone else feeds you. There are millions of websites out there with their own agenda, 98% of them aren't reliable. .

I remember when I was younger, my mom would say "You're so smart, but you don't have common sense sometimes!" and I really thought that I was so smart, how could I not know common sense? It didn't register for me at the time but it does now. It's weird, I don't think I'm as smart as I was when I was younger. I was on advanced reading levels, always had the highest grades in the class, but as a college student I'm none of those things but I feel more educated than I've ever felt before.

October 19, 2014

Rest in Peace: Joanne Borgella

I don't aim to be an entertainment blogger, but it just so happens that's what the people want. I'm glad and blessed that I have this voice and this outlet to reach people and I hope this reaches someone who needs it. I write to reach. This post is about not only an entertainer but a beautiful soul, gone too soon. I admit, I write this post with a smidge of anger and hurt, but I'll get to that later.

It was announced a few days ago that actress, singer, model, and all around entertainer Joanne Borgella passed away after a year long battle with Endometrial Cancer. She was just 32. I remember seeing her on American Idol, I thought she was radiant and her confidence was contagious. Then again her beauty shined through on comedienne Mo'nique's modeling competition, Mo'nique's Fat Chance. I was young and admired her because at the time I had no self esteem and hated myself because of my size. If you've been reading my blog since I started of course you know about my struggle with self esteem, which I still have some issues with today.

People say that if you don't like yourself, change it but that's not an easy feat especially when it comes to self esteem. If I don't like myself even if I transformed into a Barbie doll, what good would it do? Anyway, after watching her win Mo'nique's Fat Chance, I vowed to work on me internally. Confidence is something that no one can give or take away from you. Confidence is a blessing, and sometimes even the most beautiful people don't have a lick of it. I said all of this to say that Joanne Borgella was one of the people who inspired me to accept me. She planted that mustard seed that I needed to grow, to make me love who I was. After the modeling competition, I didn't transform over night, God knows I didn't but the process started and that was an amazing obstacle in itself.

I'm angry because Joanne was an inspiration to so many, not only because of her internal beauty but also because of her brave Cancer fight. I'm angry because it took what felt like forever for this woman's untimely death to be announced on any major media site. Even in media that targets African-Americans, NOTHING! I understand she wasn't a major celebrity, but she was a STAR. Beyoncé's new haircut is still trending on media sites and blogs, but this woman is being put on the back burner. I really can't fathom this indecency. I wish the media would give this woman her light, the light that she so much deserved during her short life. I'm sure the family doesn't care about media coverage as they are grieving the loss of such a gem, but I am here to fight and I'm here to say that I loved her and all that she has done for me.

My thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends. She will be missed and I only hope that I do my part in making sure her legacy and life are not forgotten. In honor of her, I will continue to work on myself as she inspired me to. I won't stop until confidence beams from me as it did from her, even in her final weeks. I know this post won't bring her back, nor bring lasting comfort to her family but I just hope to be a voice of love. Rest in peace, Joanne, you're light always shines even in the darkest hour.

October 8, 2014

Hollywood Divas Episode 1 Review

Now if you know me, you know I still have this homework stacked up to the roof. Still, I just had to watch the new TV One reality show Hollywood Divas. First, initial reaction is woah, woah, woahhh! It's definitely a different experience watching Hollywood Divas versus watching R&B Divas, but I'm going to get to that a little bit. To be quite honest, I'm not sure if I'm going to stick around for the whole season. The first episode of course gave us an introduction to the cast members. I'll try to keep it short but there's a lot to be said about this episode!






So, let me start out with a basic cast description (SKIP this if you already know who's on the show):






Paula Jai Parker is the one with the project. On all these TV One reality shows, someone has the big project to get the has-beens working again. The episode as well as the previews started out with her saying that 'Hollywood is a fickle business for a black woman'. Which I believe is true especially if you're not bumping elbows with Lee Daniels, Oprah, and/or Tyler Perry.


Elise Neal is 48 and fit hunny! She came out the gate with her confidence through the roof. In addition to acting she also does dance and is a singer. She says that the Pussycat Dolls are a direct rip-off of her own dance troupe.  She appears to be Paula's closest friend.


Countess Vaughn is probably the youngest out of the group. After two kids, one divorce, and no new acting jobs her storyline basically revolves around her physical appearance. She goes to a plastic surgeon with former Moesha cast member Shar Jackson to talk about getting liposuction, a tummy tuck, some facial stuff, and a 'g-shot'.


Golden Brooks is probably the one with the most not-too-dead career next to Elise. She's been in plays and movies for the past couple years and still has an agent. She reveals that she took some time off after Girlfriends to raise her daughter Dakota.


Lisa Wu was the last cast member introduced, probably because she's the most surprising. She was a member on Housewives of Atlanta a few years ago, and is now in pursuit of an acting career. She leaves her children behind to go to L.A. to help Paula out with her movie project.






Ok, now that all that's out the way, let's jump into this episode. First we get the premise of Ms. Paula Jai. She reveals to her friend, Elise Neal, that she's been homeless for some time and things have been difficult for her and her husband. She felt as if she was black balled because of her relationship with a director. First of all, the definition of 'friend' has to be different in Hollywood. Paula and Elise said they hadn't talked to each other in about 8 years, which is a long time to not even send someone a Facebook message. She said she thought she had been black balled because of her relationship with her now husband Forrest (not Whitaker). I felt bad for Paula Jai because the roles she's played have been awesome. She's very talented, very funny, and her voice is so unique. After seemingly having a bonding moment with Elise, here comes my issue.






After each scene, one of the cast members in that scene would comment on it as on all reality shows. But on this show, it seems super catty, messy, and FAKE. Which is why I was kind of reluctant to watch the show, because I feel as though anything with actors/actresses is just that an act. With R&B Divas they sing, acting isn't their true strong point (although some of them do it well), so it still feels believable and realistic. Even though these women on Hollywood Divas are battling real issues with jobs, money, relationships, etc. it just doesn't seem realistic. I think the commentary scenes are used to instigate drama. From the actual scenes, it seems as if they were lovey dovey, happy, and supportive but when they made their commentary they seemed bitter and almost like they don't even like each other.






The real problem came at the end, when Lisa Wu joined the ladies. Golden and Elise were surprised and not in a good way. They were offended that a reality star would join the likes of them, because reality stars are not real actresses. Golden talked about her Master's degree and Elise talked about her veteran title. I can definitely see why they're offended, because after all their hard work over the years some of these reality show stars that can't act, are getting these starring roles just because they have a large following. But also, as an actress the ladies should know that Hollywood is a business! Of course they're going to hire whoever can bring the bigger audience and make them a bigger profit. I don't watch the Housewives of Atlanta, so I don't know Lisa Wu but she seems like a really sweet woman, so far I like her more than Golden and Elise. Elise seems very cocky for someone who isn't working. Oh, but I guess that's her choice as she kept reiterating.






At the very end, there were some clips from the upcoming season, and it does seem interesting enough but I don't think I'll be pressed to watch it every Wednesday. I'd like to see what happens with Countess, Paula, and Lisa but I'm iffy about Golden and Elise. They just seem conceited and catty. As for Countess, I think she has some true issues with her self esteem. Getting (or wasting money on) countless surgeries won't solve them, so I really hope she gets to the bottom of it because she'll never be happy if she doesn't. I do want to see exactly what a G-Shot is though! Lol. Lisa seems interesting because I respect her for trying to get out and work, instead of having a sense of entitlement. But then again, also with Hollywood being so unsteady of black actors, why even try to jump on a sinking ship? I'm rooting for Paula, because I think she deserves better. Maybe she should try to link up with the Wayans again? But even their ship is on a steady decline.




All in all, I'm on the fence about this show. I won't do a review for every episode but will probably catch the reunion show and review it!

Other reviews:
Hollywood Divas Episode 3 Review
Hollywood Divas Episode 5 Review