January 16, 2015

I Want Some Fat Friends...

Single black female in search of fat friends...

So, yesterday night I was watching this new reality show on Lifetime called 'Big Women: Big Love' (cast pictured above). I'm not a fan of Lifetime or reality shows but for some reason this one caught my attention as I was browsing through the channels the day after the New Year holiday. I wanted to see what it was about, because there aren't a lot of reality shows about bigger girls. Yes there are shows like 'Fat Cops' and 'Fat Guys in the Woods' (or something like that), and there's even the show 'Curvy Girls' on Nuvo (I think it's been cancelled though). 'Curvy Girls' is a show about plus size models and the other shows about fat people cater to men. It seems that fat men are more embraced than fat women, in my opinion at least. But 'Big Women: Big Love' is different. It's about everyday women my age, trying to navigate this world of love and dating.

From the title, I thought it would be a documentary type reality show about bigger girls already in relationships, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was the opposite. It's about women who are looking for relationships with the opposite sex, who will not only accept them for their weight but also their many other flaws. The women are trying to change their attitudes about themselves and about the dating world in order to find the love of their lives I think it's such a realistic show that I can definitely relate to. Everyone wants to be loved because of and in spite of their flaws. Everyone wants to meet their soulmate, and if you read my blog, you know I am sucker for love and romance.

Sidenote: I haven't been doing reviews on the show, but I have been tweeting about it, but if you truly desire reviews from me, just leave me a comment and/or shoot me an email.

On this last episode, the women of the show went out to a club for a girls night out...And it made me think: Hmm...I want some fat friends! All of my friends are small or average, when we go out I'm always the biggest person, and while I love my friends to death, I want to have fat friends to go out with and here's why...

Since I am a fat person, other fat friends will understand my problems with going out. One thing about going out with smaller people, they don't understand my issues. In order to enjoy myself, the first thing that's important is comfort. I always have to arrive early or be the first one there to reserve a 'table not a booth'. I'm not trying to be squeezed in to a limiting amount of space, I want to be comfortable. Secondly, I'm short and I'm not going to look foolish trying to throw myself up on one of the ridiculously high and un-sturdy looking bar stools. Before I go into a restaurant, I scour the place from the parking lot to make sure it's not 100% booths or high bar stools. If I'm not comfortable, I'm going to feel miserable and self-conscious, which I think fat friends can relate to. I've seen bigger people in a group with skinny friends, and they're forced to be uncomfortable because all of their friends are comfortable and I'm like that too to a certain extent.

I don't mind going out to the mall or doing things that are physical, but I have certain limitations that my friends don't. For example, I went out to the mall with a couple of my friends who are smaller than me and we were walking and browsing the shops, my friends walked really fast because 1.) they have longer legs 2.) they're smaller but for me with short stubby legs and more weight, it felt like I was playing catch up. It was not fun because I didn't feel like I was 'with' them, I felt like I was 'chasing' them and of course I didn't want to speak up, so I just dealt with it the whole time. Another friend of mine asked me to go ice skating. It's flattering that my friends don't notice that I'm a bigger person, but asking me to go out on ice putting all my weight on a skinny little blade, NO freaking WAY! If one of my skinny friends slipped and fell on the ice, it would be nothing for a couple of people to help her up, but what if I fell on the ice? A whole freaking NHL team would have to somehow help me up.

A lot of my friends think I don't like going out at all, and honestly I do like going out sometimes, maybe more than what they think, but only if the place is right and the space is comfortable. I've never told them how I felt, and unless they read this post they'll never know. I don't want to ruin an outing because I need accommodations. Going out for a smaller person is easier: find a cute outfit out of your many outfits and just go out. For a fat person, clothes are already limited so it may not be as easy as finding something in the closet, it takes proper planning and sometimes a trip to the store even. I'm the type of person that dwells on things, too. I'll start thinking 'what if this place is small and doesn't have tables?' or 'what if it's a small place with not a lot of room to move around?' or 'what if my friends get there before me and I'm forced to be uncomfortable?'. Watching that episode of 'Big Women: Big Love' made me realize that going out with a group of people who look like me and have the same issues as I do would make things much less stressful and so much more comfortable. I'd feel better to open up instead of shutting down because I'm the biggest person and I don't want to draw attention to myself. In the episode that I watched last night, the girls had so much fun being with bigger girls and being proud of themselves.

A couple weeks ago, someone asked me what I like to do. He said he knew I didn't like going out, but was there something else I'd like to do. I had a hard time coming up with something to say, because I do want to go and have good conversation and things like that but it just has to be comfortable. I even thought, if he did ask me out I would try to be there first and get a comfortable spot and wait for him to arrive or something. I was thinking way, way ahead...And he didn't even ask me out! This guy is an active person and he likes adventure and I'm the opposite because I need to be prepared before I can do anything.

All in all, this was not to say that I don't enjoy my friends, because I truly do, but I want to have that liberated fun that I saw on TV last night. It's like being a black person and always hanging out with white people, who are all great people but sometimes you just want people to relate to, you know? I want to be with a group of people who have the same qualms as I do, I want to feel like one of the group instead of an outcast, I don't want to be the only bigger girl all the time. Maybe someday soon, my wish will come true! It's on my bucket list. Bigger girls unite!