February 21, 2015

Big Women, Big Love Season 2 --- Why It's Needed...

As of today, I have not heard any news regarding a second season of Lifetime's new reality show Big Women, Big Love (BWBL) so here's my plight to get it back on the air for a second season.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of Lifetime, I never have been. Excluding the female-centered sitcoms (Golden Girls, Designing Women, Roseanne, The Nanny, etc) and Unsolved Mysteries, I've never watched any of the shows/movies on the channel regularly. I just find A lot of the Lifetime produced content, especially, is over-sexual and stereotypical, especially when you consider it's trademarked statement "Network for Women". I accidentally stumbled upon BWBL New Year's day. I was bored out of my wits and just happened to pass it up, but I'm so glad I did. I'll admit, during the first episode I had my apprehensions, I was almost ready to write it off but I kept coming back every Wednesday and it delivered more than my expectations. 

I love the show first of all because it addresses REAL big/fat/curvy girl issues, the main one being dating. There are not many shows at all about what it's like to be a real-life curvy girl. A few years ago the TV channel NUVO had a show called 'Curvy Girls' and while it was sort of entertaining, it was about plus size models which was unrealistic, for me at least. BWBL is a show about ME. I might not be on TV but most of the ladies are who I am. They have the same problems that I do such as confidence, fitting in restaurant booths, trying to dress cute/sexy with limited clothing options, going out to clubs, and all in all loving who you are. 

Of course, I know there are big girls everywhere, they're out dating and having fun but it was so good and reassuring to see it on TV. And unlike Black people, all big girls don't know each other. As I stated in a previous blog post, I only have one curvy friend and we don't hang out often, all of my friends who I hang out with are smaller. When my curvy friend and I do hang out and talk we talk about our issues from time to time but it's so fun to see other girls going through the same things!

Believe it or not, this show brought me some confidence. Every year at midnight, after the ball drops for the New Year, my family and I drop everything and say our prayers. In my adult life have never prayed for the Lord to 'send me a man' but it's sometimes in the back of my mind. I remember wondering would 2015 be another year of the single life? Then I started watching the show. I realized how much I enjoy the romantic idea of a relationship but I'm not ready, which is probably why I'm single, because I am not ready. God knows my heart. 

Here's my theory: A lot of bigger girls are single because I believe we have more issues to work through than smaller girls, especially in a culture that frowns upon fatness. I'm not saying smaller girls don't have some of the same issues that we do, but we have to worry about more things that they don't (such as fitting in restaurant booths and not sweating off our makeup before and/or during a date, etc.). Sometimes being a bigger girl and being single for so long means settling for someone who is not good for you, and that's what a lot of the girls on the show had problems with and that too is relate-able. Once you do find a guy who likes you despite your weight/size it's really hard to let him go, even if he's a jerk. My mama always told me to never let anyone, especially a man, disrespect me, but if you aren't strong minded (or even if you're just lonely), it's so easy to fall into the trap of accepting anything and losing everything just to have someone who you love always around. 

Also, the general consensus is that fatness equates laziness, but it takes a SHITLOAD of work to be a bigger person, with everything we have to go the extra mile or think two steps ahead of the average person. BWBL showed that everyday struggle that bigger girls face, it made me feel less weird to see these women on TV expressing what it's like.

One of my smaller friends called me a couple weeks ago after I had told her about the show. She told me she loved the show because she never knew about how hard it is for bigger girls in regards to dating. Generally speaking, you never have friends set you up, you don't collect phone numbers in Walmart, and not many guys are fighting battles just to see you.

Last week, I went out to dinner with a friend. She's older than me, old enough to be my mother but she's very down to earth and modern. We were sitting directly across from a couple where they had met online and were meeting in person for the first time. The guy was absolutely gorgeous. He was tall, in his 20s, and Hispanic with exotic looking eyes. We could over hear their conversation and he was very, very sweet and kind. His date on the other hand was loud, lewd, and boisterous. It was obvious that they were complete opposites. I know it was rude but my friend and I eavesdropped a bit and laughed at the awkwardness from time to time, discreetly of course. It was just a really bad date from my perspective. After they left, my friend said, "He is such a great guy, he does not deserve someone so uncouth...I wish I had a friend to introduce him too." So I nodded and smiled thinking that she was going say me, because I kept gushing over how nice and attractive he was but I was wrong. She said "Oh I know who, Monica! Monica would be perfect for a guy like that"...My little heart sank, I was sitting right there but she didn't even think of me as worthy for this guy. She didn't even have to mean it, even if she would've said it jokingly, it would've been better than completely not even considering me.  

I felt bad but I thought about the girls on BWBL, and after sulking for a moment I started to feel better.  As one of the girls said, it doesn't matter what other people think of you, it matters what YOU think of YOU. I felt I was good enough for that guy, what my friend thinks is not important. Although, I do still feel some animosity towards my friend, because if she doesn't think of me as good enough for a nice guy, what does that say about our friendship? I digress... I loved seeing the girls be resilient and strong, even after bad dates they (for the most part) didn't cry about it, they persevered and kept going. I loved that the girls loved themselves and were confident in themselves and developed that confidence throughout the season. Shows about bigger people often portray them to be whiny, over emotional, and completely self loathing (ahem, Biggest Loser anyone?).

All in all, I just really hope the show comes back for a second season. I feel like Mar, Sabrina, Kristi, Jenn, and even Jessica (*slight side eye*) are my friends! They understand me because they are the many facets of me. It is the best reality show I have ever seen, and coming from me that's saying a lot! My Wednesday nights have never been better.

If you agree that BWBL should return for a second season, SHARE, and +1 this post. 

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