June 11, 2015

5 Friends You DON'T Need In Your Adult Life

For the past couple days I've been seeing this article on my Facebook timeline at least 3-4 times each day. Usually since Facebook often contains fake or spam links, I'm often reluctant to click on anything that's not from a reputable source. One of my FB friends is quite finicky about posting links so when he shared it, I deemed it trustworthy.

The article is titled 5 Friends You Need In Your Adult Life so of course this post kind of piggybacks off of it. Click on the link to read the article!

I really liked the fact that the writer included the term 'adult life' because as we grow we change, our minds change, our needs change.  The things you might have enjoyed in elementary/middle/high school, probably aren't the same things you enjoy now. Friendships are tough especially as you grow and evolve. I believe adulthood means going on an upward trajectory, and bad friends can be an anchor that holds you back from reaching optimum success. It's so much easier said than done but if your friend feels more like a chore or an anchor, maybe it's time to let go. All of these types of friends are what I'd call The Take 90% and Give 10% Squad.

1. The negative/pessimistic friend
At any age if you have a super negative friend, you should let them go. I am a pessimist but not extremely so. I don't go around crushing dreams and slapping babies, I keep my pessimism to myself and contained to my own situations. Negativity can hurt you even if you don't see it now, it can truly make you physically ill. I had a friend who was extremely negative and her negative vibe made me sick, literally. It was taxing to be around her and she drained me emotionally. I remember going to work and crying because her negativity just put a black cloud over my life. You don't need those kinds of people in your life. The kind of people that make you feel self-conscious, where you're always second guessing or you're never sure when you're 'right'. These people are hurting in their own lives and their intention is to bring others down with them, they enjoy it. Ditch them ASAP, life is much too short.

2. The non-adult adult friend
Nope, that's not a typo. The non-adult adult friend is someone who is technically an adult age-wise but still lives with their parents, are being financially supported mostly (if not solely) by their parents, and/or the person who just doesn't get what it means to be a mature, responsible adult. For a while, it'll be fun. You'll get to enjoy you friend's mom's cooking while affectionately calling her 'mama', your friend can supply endless rounds of drinks at the bar since they don't have rent/a mortgage to pay, and if you're short on gas money you know you can always borrow money because they are never broke. However, as time progresses you'll start to notice just how different you two are. They may have a job and some things to call their own but they just won't understand your gripes about being broke or why you sit in the dark everyday just to save on the electric bill. Being an adult truly needs to be experienced. A non-adult adult friend won't get it and it'll be fristrating to deal with someone who doesn't understand you and your issues. If you want to surround yourself with uplifting and successful people who are able to empathize in regards to 'adulting', the non-adult adult is not the one.

3. The overly spontaneous friend
As most people grow older they tend to want more securiry and stability in their lives. Not all but most. Spontaneous friends are hard to keep because they can be reckless. They may call you to come over when it's 4AM for a random gossip session but you have to be at work at 8AM. A spontaneous friend could actually have some benefits, they might make your life more interesting and diverse. As an adult you can get into the groove of doing the same thing everyday and a spontaneous friend can make things lively. A little spontaneity isn't always bad.

One of my friends lamented that he had started going out with a new, spontaneous girl. She was cool, adventurous, and spontaneous. After a few weeks he started to complain because going out is expensive and he had bills to pay and groceries to buy. She still insisted that they go out but eventually he started to refuse. I think this all goes back to maturity. Yes, it's ok to be spontaneous sometimes but not to the point where it's breaking the bank or disrupting your career. These people also tend to constantly break the law or put you in risky situations that could end up landing you in jail, fined, and/or physically hurt. Such as going 50 miles over the speed limit during a thunderstorm while drinking a codeine concoction...Ok that's extreme, but you truly never know with an overly spontaneous friend.

Spontaneous friends also seem to have a knack for being unreliable. They can be so unpredictable because they follow the wind without a care in the world. You don't need someone in your life who's never there for you.

4. The friend who takes no initiative
Have you ever had a friend that never calls you but they always expect you to call them? A friend who never wants to meet up unless you want to meet up? A friend who says "well you never called me" on a daily/regular basis? This is my leadt favorite of them all. These type of friends want you to chase them and they always make it seem as if you're at fault. This friend won't take the initiative to contact you first no matter what. As busy adults, most of us don't have time for chasing and even if we do, it's not something we want to do. I truly believe if someone cares for you and wants a true friendship, they'd have no problem contacting you first. Building a friendship takes two people and if one side bears all the weight, it's more taxing than it should be.

5. The defensive or selfish friend
The defensive friend is one that hardly ever listens to what you say because they're always right. As you grow into an adult, you and your friends will seek out your dreams, whether it's owning a house, buying a car, starting a business or moving to a different state. As friends, discussing goals and dreams will become the norm at Friday night outings. The defensive friend is the one at the table who usually over talks everyone else to get their point across, not caring what anyone has to say. Simply, if this person has all the answers to life already, why do they need you as a friend? The defensive friend and the selfish friend go hand-in-hand and since they don't add anything to your life besides unwanted opinions, why not let them go? 

All in all, all of these friends are people who lack maturity and understanding of the real world. These are people who will not only hinder your growth but also they subtract from your life rather than add to it. Surround yourself with good people who give to you as much as you give to them. Friends that understand you, care about you, grow with you and value your friendship. If you have to sit back and wonder why you're friends with someone, that's a true sign that maybe you shouldn't reconsider your relationship.

What other types of friends should you avoid in your adult life?