September 29, 2015

Tides and Waves: A Short Story

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked softly.
He knew why but he shook his head, "Nothing...No reason".
His dark brown eyes always connected with hers, he hoped she could read his soul. Just moments before, she had burst into laughter at his whimsical joke, throwing her head back, her mouth opened wide, and he could even see her silver fillings. Her high pitched laugh echoed against the trees as they swayed in the breeze. Only she could make a simple moment so exquisite. When she laughed, it made his heart swell, he loved her mere existence, everything else was extra.

Their chemistry was authentic and explosive, anyone who caught a glimpse of them together could see the attraction. Though they both pretended not to notice it for themselves. She thought they were just great friends with a strong bond. He thought she would never like him in such a way beyond friends. Typical.

When they went without seeing each other for a couple days, it was torture. He missed her light brown eyes, the mole above her left eye, and the way her lips curved upward when she spoke. She missed his scent, the way he made her happy, and how he looked at her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world. She wondered if he thought of her, he wondered if she missed him as much as he missed her. Texting and phone chats could never capture the magic forces between them.
The brown leaves from the dancing trees showered them as they sat in silence, both thinking. He sighed quietly picking leaves off of his favorite Army sweatshirt. She picked a couple leaves from her curly hair and placed them in a small pile.

During his transition, she was there. Before he was he, she was there. She helped him cut his hair short and taught him about menswear since she worked in retail. Taught him how to translate a woman's size 18 to a man's size 38. She hugged and encouraged him when he wasn't sure if he could live and run free.

At night she closed her eyes tight, breathed slow and thought of the ways she loved him, but the physical part scared her, if she loved him so much, why couldn't she go there? 
They sat on the rough concrete side by side looking up at the stars and the moon together and apart. 

September 8, 2015

Random Thoughts of Today

ate a cake doughnut today, and it was awesome. The man who served me looked odd in his juvenile baseball cap and receding hairline. l prayed today, talked to God and it was even better than the doughnut. I realized how much she lights up when other people are around. Today I felt jealous. I want to be the only source of light. My hair came out nice today, I tried to take a selfie to celebrate my feeling of beauty, but every picture I took turned out ugly. Who's distorting my image? I wore bright yellow today, my brother called me a highlighter.  I can't stop thinking about my heart and what I'm feeling. I feel you pulling me with you but is it real or not? I don't think the feelings are mutual, but it's easy to hide them. The hard part is feeling them.

Neil Simon said I'm just like him, well in so many words. We both observe, listen, and make up stories in our heads about people we don't know. We're pretty similar. He's a legendary screenwriter. I felt inspired.  

These guys, they offer me nothing. We discuss nothing of importance, why are discussing anything at all? I need sustainability and substance. I want to feel you...I want to FEEL you. I want us to feel and fill each other. Challenge me, make me laugh, make me think. I felt hopeless today. Love is not even on my radar... No interest in me, I suppose. I drove aimlessly around town for two hours, I felt free. It hurts to spend time with you because eventually I know we will say goodbye sooner or later. Temporarily or permanently. I keep dreaming about kissing someone. God said to be prepared because it will happen in my waking life. I'm intrigued. I told Google to define soulmate, apparently I haven't met him yet. I wonder if the kisser is my soulmate? I had a cheeseburger for dinner, it was captivating, unlike those guys it filled me. 

I was all over the place today, but overall it was a good day.  I had to tell someone.