November 10, 2015

True Life: I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend

Maybe it's because I snore, I'm not a girly girl, usually the curtains don't match the drapes (hey at least there are curtains and drapes), and I'm severely introverted. Or maybe it's because I'm fat or all of the above...Probably none of the above. 

I never expected my life to end up this way, I thought for sure I'd have at least one boyfriend by now. Nope. My dating discussions consist of slightly embellishing stories about the couple dates I've had, laughing at bad date jokes as if I can truly relate to them, and hoping to God that no one asks me about my non-existent first time. One of my friends told me that I sound inexperienced, oh the horror. I never wanted anyone to know my secret, I thought I was a pretty good actress. I guess I'm Beyoncé in The Fighting Temptations movie. No shade. 

When I do talk to my friends about guys it's never concrete and almost juvenile. I have crushes, they have flings. See? There are all these articles and blogs about how the young, modern woman is flourishing, dating,  and having lots of casual sex. Well, I'm here to tell you I'm not one of them. 

I know this sounds like a super dorky sob story but quite the contrary. In my twenties  I've experienced a lot of life, it came faster than I expected. I believe in God's proper timing, and I'm sure this is all a part of His Divine Plan for me. Since middle school, it always seemed like having a boyfriend was the most important thing a girl could have, even more important than being well-educated and respectful. Thankfully, my parents never pushed the issue about dating as some parents do. But I always felt like I was out of the loop, and I still do sometimes. A couple years ago I looked into becoming a nun, seriously. Unlike the Army they are really selective. 

Throughout my years of single-ness, I have grown in ways I didn't think I would. My twenties have definitely been a time of unexpected growth and change. A relationship during my lowest points would've been unhealthy for both parties involved. I was broken, painfully insecure, and self-loathing. Through my own method of  unprofessional counseling (aka talking to myself and/or making my brother listen to my rants), prayer, writing and self discovery I have become better. Not cured but better. Four years ago, if you had asked me to tell you about myself, I would've only been able to say a couple sentences. For a long time, I didn't even know myself and I'm still working on that.

I think one of the most difficult things about being single my entire life is simply comparing my life to other people my age. Sure I look around and I see broken, insecure, and self loathing people in a relationship or even married and I wonder why them and not me? However, their journey is not my journey and vice versa.  We're all experiencing life and our paths are leading us all to the same place but we're all getting there in a different way. I was going to quote world-renowned American poet Lil Wayne, but I think I drove home the point.

Lastly, although it seems like we should all be out looking for a partner, it doesn't have to be a priority. I'm not just saying that because I'm single. Invest time into getting to know yourself better, learn, develop, and reach your goals. If you don't have any goals, set some. Self-development/discovery is really never ending! 

All in all, I am happy at this point in my life. There are many days where I get sad and envious of people in relationships, but bad moments don't equal a bad life. I don't even have a love interest at the moment but I know regardless of my lifelong single status I'm a pretty nice (and hefty) catch. Lord knows it took me a long time to see it.  Keep in mind that relationships aren't as easy as posting cute pictures on Instagram. I'll admit, next to being able to cuddle with my future beau and talk about deep social issues after an evening of Netflix, taking an 'ussie' is one of the things I look forward to. Still, relationships take lots of time and energy, and if you're single maybe it's a sign that you should focus on other things. I'm not an expert, although I have been single forever, I'm still learning about what it means to be single. Being single forever is not a death sentence, I'm still very much alive and well! 

1 comment:

  1. Good post!! KEEP GROWING, (& DEVELOPING YOURSELF), KEEPIN' the FAITH, & TRUSTING GOD, & HE WILL work things OUT (FOR you)!! ��

    GBU, & KEEP WRITING!!.... YOU are TALENTED, & 'BLESSED'!! ����